It won't happen to me? - FamilyEducation
It won't happen to me?
07/31/2009 at 02:45 AM

I have been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for 6 months. He has full custody of a 15 year old daughter and 7 year old son. I have a 7 year old son and 5 year old daughter.

We have not yet introduced the kids, but I have been with him and his kids on most weekends. We all get along so great. His daughter is cool and seems to like me and told her dad she likes me and we even text back and forth. His little boy is so adorable. We talk on the phone and he gives me hugs when we see each other.

My bf lives and breathes his kids' sports. His daughter plays softball 9 months out of the year and his son plays little league baseball and football to which my bf is the coach of both.

He tells me he and his ex get along great now, but then she will pull some stupid stunt like calling at the last minute to say she isn't bringing the kids home when she said she would. She pays no child support which leaves him with no money but he doesn't want to "rock the boat". I am thinking if I move in and we put money together, I will end up being resentful that she doesn't pay child support.

Would it be stupid to think that everything is gonna be fun and all rosy if I move to be with him?

Plus, he is already very defensive about his kids. Like, He was telling me over the phone about his daughter and her mother getting into a fight and that he has to force her to go. I just said, "Well, maybe you shouldn't force her to go." He said, automatically before catching himself, "Well, she is my daughter and I will make the decisions on that." and he kept talking to try to play that off. I was like, "Well, ok. I am gonna go. I will talk to you later." We got off the phone and he immediately called me back and asked what is wrong. I just told him I would not make anymore comments about his kids. He said, "No, I don't care. I didn't mean it like that"

I am thinking, our relationship is fairly new and he is already making comments like that. What's gonna happen if we are living together?

Just nervous. Would like any advice.

P.S. My kids' dad would like to work things out. I don't know what to do. I know the kids would be better off and me too to stay with their dad, but i care about my bf too.

If you are saying you and your children would be better off working things out with their father, then do it! Your children's wellbeing far outweighs how much you may care about your boyfriend, especially since you are having the doubts about him that you state in your post.

Rque, I'm sorry to sound cynical, but I can only tell you what happened to me! I had a similar situation. I dated my husband for a year before we got married. I got along great with his kids then (two girls, one boy). After we were married, though, it all started to fall apart. My stepdaughters were all of a sudden jealous of me, my stepson started acting out. Everyone (including me) was struggling with the new arrangement. The honeymoon period was officially over. Now, six years later, things are significantly better. But it was a rough, rough, rough journey. I hope you wouldn't experience the same!

You need to do what's best for you and your kids, not just for you, and not just for the kids. Remind yourself why you and your ex separated to begin w/. Do you think you both can recify the situation? You may think it wld be the best scenerio for the kids, but will you be happy? As far as your bf goes, you're seeing the warning signs now. This is not to say you can't work through these things, but in my opinion, 6 mos seems to be too short a time to really get to know a person. I wld give it more time. The kids shld be your top priority right now. Don't rush into anything. I wld definitely suggest introducing the kids before you decide moving in w/ your bf. Also, in your post I don't remember you mentioning your bf even meeting your children yet. If he hasn't, don't you want him to get to know your kids and they to feel comfortable w/ him before you make a decision to move in w/ him? This is so important. Put your emotions aside and wait til you know for sure what's best for both you and your children. This may mean taking a step back and leaving your options open for other possibilities. Maybe neither man is the right one for you and your kids. Make an intelligent decision and feel good about it. Just don't jump into something b/c your heart tells you it's right, but your head says you're still not sure. When kids are involved, you always have to be more cautious in your choices. I hope this helps.