Insecure Stepdaughter
02/26/2012 at 04:39 AM

I am same situation as these people with stepdaughter. I have son of 12yrs who is confident, happy and has lots of interests and good friends. Been dating boyfriend for 2 years now and son encourages it. Boyfriend doesn't try to father as he has his own dad, just be a friend. they get along but not a close relationship or same funny type he has with his dad. Son with me 50% of time and we are very close, but he doesn’t cling, he knows who he is and is secure in himself. My boyfriends non-bio daughter (from prev marriage who's mother virtually deserted her for lots of new boyfriends) lives with him 90% of time, some visits to her mother that don't often go well. What mostly concerns me is that she lies, steals, has wagged school for 2 years and is now 15yrs old and ready to drop out, despite trying special school with program. Has no interests at all apart from crap TV. Has few friends and they are unsocial types also. She cannot say hello or goodnight, she speaks quietly and eyes down, lacks confidence but is scheming and twists her non-bio dad around finger. He does everything for her, think thats what he did with ex wife as he's a beautiful person but soft. He would do same for me but I don't allow it, I am independent type anyway. He is a strong successful man and extremely loving, I love him very deeply and even after 2 years our relationship as just two of us and sometimes our son also is still amazing, exciting and respectful. Then we go out with her to a show and she clings to him and pushes me out. I end up walking behind them. She has stolen from my house, his house. Cannot be trusted with a phone, internet. Been accused of flirting, enticed a man home when walking alone and then reported him and got him in heaps of trouble. She has deep set problems that are obvious but my boyfriend just keeps hoping everything will turn out. I know i can't live with her because our love would turn toxic and I would rather break it off now than see our love turn sour. We both want each other so much but I can't see her moving out of home until 20 or so as she has no future right now. She hasn't even passed year 9 at at school, is extremely lazy and he treats her as an adult too which doesn’t help. she thinks she has made it already and no work has been done in life. I would guess that she has narcissistic problems, its like her world is so small. I feel like saying, hey, wake up, the planet is dying, people are starving, maybe if she could look around the big wide world she would realise how small she is. We all need to do that. I think we should decide whats right for the kids, which at this stage seems to stay apart completely until she becomes secure, although waiting 2 years for that I can’t see it happening too soon…..what should I do?