husband and step daughter lack of relation - FamilyEducation
husband and step daughter lack of relation
03/30/2010 at 16:45 PM

My husband and I have been married for 4.5 years together for 10 years. He has never tried to develop a relatioship with my now 15 year old daughter. I have told me him many times how much this hurts me...still nothing. He has a daughter with whom he keeps seperate from our family and always has. We have a child together and he is a great dad. This hurts "my" daughter and now she has stopped talking to him, after many years of trying to est a relationship with him. Years ago we seperated and he promised if I took him back things would be different. Well there not and I can't get past it. He is nothing but a provider financially for "my" daughter. And I find myself very bitter about this. We've tried going places together and he says nothing to her. He says she has a father already.
Please if anyone has gone through this help me!

Does your daughter in fact have "a father already" with whom she has a relationship? You state your husband has a daughter he "always has" kept separate from your family, so you should know your husband has the ability to compartmentalize his life and emotions. This is a part of the emotional make up of some people. Being hurt, bitter and choosing not to get past this is a waste of time and is not going to change his feelings. I have two stepsons, 11 and 14, who live with their mother and come for occasional visitation. They have a mother and do not need another and I try to make myself scarce when they visit so they can have quality time with their father. When with them am pleasant, but not as affectionate as they and their father would like me to be as they are very big for their age (11 y/o is 5'10" 165 lbs, 14 y/o is 6' 205 lbs) and all the hugging makes me feel very uncomfortable. This has been a point of contention for my husband and he has stated many times he feels as you state. I told him from the start, am not going to force myself to spend a lot of time and be all close and loving with children who I just don't feel that way about. Possibly your husband feels in a similar manner about your daughter.