HELP!!! Shyness!! - FamilyEducation
HELP!!! Shyness!!
02/16/2011 at 12:49 PM

I am at a loss, my daughter is 4 years old and refuses to have anything to do with her step father when I am around. If I leave the room I can hear her laughing and talking with him but if I am around its as if he doesn't even exsist. Even if he tries to play with her she will turn away crying. What gives? Is there anything I can do about this?

How much time does she spend with just you? How much time with just him? How much time with bio-dad? When you interact with step-dad when she is there, what is that like? I've never experienced anything like what you describe.

She is with me a majority of the time, just me there are no siblings or other people she corrisponds with. When he comes home from work, or anytime he acknowledges her, if I am around she will have nothing to do with him. When we are all together and I interact with him she doesn't seem to mind, sometimes she tries to distract me from talking to him. She doesn't really spend anytime with her bio-father. She hasn't seen him in months, but she does talk about him often. I just wish she could grasp that we are a family and it is ok to interact with her step dad, it's almost as if she feels she can't be friends with him because she will hurt me. Its very frustrating for all of us.

Have a "good manners" party. Use some art time for her to make lovely invitations for each of the two adults. Explain in advance that since she is the hostess, she has the job of keeping the conversation going with all of her guests, and give her examples of general topics to ask about--recent experiences, plans, interests, favorite places, etc. Help her practice conversation starters. Help her prepare bread-and-butter sandwiches and kool-aid. Get dressed up, even take it to the extreme with hats and gloves and daddy in a tuxedo if he happens to own one. Use the timer setting on your camera to take pictures of all three of you together,too!