Discovered that teen had party while away - FamilyEducation
Discovered that teen had party while away
04/29/2008 at 12:50 PM

While my boyfriend has been away on business, I have been stopping by his house occassionally to pick up his mail. Yesterday, when entering the house, I found empty beer bottles, empty bottle of rum, pizza boxes and trash left in his kitchen. It's obvious that his 18 yr old daughter (who lives at her mother's house) took the liberty of having a party at her father's house while he was away. The trash was neatly stacked in the kitchen and it's my guess that she will return to the house to dispose of it before he gets home.

 What do I do in this situation? I don't want her to hate me for telling on her, yet I know the right thing for me to do is to tell her father (it's his home and he has the right to know what goes on in it). My fear is that if I don't tell on her that she'll have another party when he's traveling again. What if some teen gets a DUI? What if someone was to get hurt? What if he gets sued for the injury of a teen at his home? I know that my allegiance is to him and not her, but I know that she'll hate me for months for telling on her.

Your advice will be appreciated!

I think you should leave well alone. This is his daughter and his home. If you try to get between them, you will be the wrong one. She is 18 and therefore an adult.

I would most certainly want to know if one of my children, no matter how old, had a party while I was away. Your partner could get really angry if it ever comes out that you knew and did not tell him. Is he the kind of person who would be willing to let her know he found out without bringing you into it? Tred carefully, this is a difficult situation.

Hi, thanks for your reply. It ended up that I told my boyfriend what I discovered (the empty beer bottles, etc). He listened, thought about it, and decided that he wasn't going to speak to her about it. In the future, when traveling, he'll activate the home security system (to which his 18 yr old doesn't have the password), in order to keep her from having parties when he's away. I think he will speak to her about the issue of alcohol, but in the near future (he's going on vacation with her next month). Thanks again for your wisdom. Donna