Battling the Family - FamilyEducation
Battling the Family
07/10/2008 at 11:08 AM

Hello everyone. I'm totally new to this message board thing so please be patient with me. I am a 26 yr. old stay at home mom. I have a 6 yr old son and a 10 yr old step-son that we have custody of for the last 3 yrs. For the most part, my stepson is a good boy. My problem is with my husbands family recently. I know my stepson has some issues with stuff his mom has done (shes been married 2 other times and has 3 other kids that are much younger than my stepson). He doesn't really talk to me about his feelings, but i know he will talk to my in-laws. That's okay with me, but a few weeks ago the in-laws asked him if he thought I loved him as much as i love my son! This opened up a huge arguement when my husband and i found out about this! During this arguement, i was told that I am always cruel to my stepson and never have a kind word to say to him! Do these people not know how hard it is to raise someone elses son?!? I am hard on my stepson when it comes to his school work and even his everyday personal hygiene, so of course i look like the bad guy to him. I still doesn't excuse what they said about me. I don't think I play favorites, but i don't always know how to get across to my stepson. He still idolizes his mom, which is okay. it just frustrates me that he doesn't see what i am doing. I know, is it too much to expect from a 10 yr old? Has anyone else had these issues with the in-laws? Please share any ideas or advice. thanks for listening.

Yeah, I've had some weird stuff from in-laws. More to the issue may be to realize he is 10, a pre-teen who suddenly is at the edge of puberty. You may find it hard to raise someone else's son, but it's hard on him also. Try to find some time to discuss normal stuff with him even if your son is around. Try to make a connection without seeming to want to take his mother's place. He may feel "pumped" by the in-laws and feel he has to say stuff like the stereotypes rather than express any real emotion for you which would make him feel guilty about his own mother. Oh, and believe me...all siblings are jealous of the other siblings. Don't stand against them alone. Try some honest stuff with the kid and see what works. He will eventually come to see your positive moves...even though you may not know it for years. (Teens can be like that.)