please help i dont know what else to do!!!! - FamilyEducation
please help i dont know what else to do!!!!
03/15/2010 at 15:22 PM

My soon to be step son is almost 4 he is with us on the weekends. He seems to be a little slow, he doesnt know his colors, numbers, only some animals, has a speech problem. In the past year i've finally gotten him potty trained (he doesnt have a very good mother)in the past few months he has started peeing on himself which has now escalated to pooping on himself. he woke us up at 200 this morning crying bc he had pooped himself and took his pullup off and put his shorts back on and smeared poop all on his face hair and mouth. he gets in trouble and pooped and peed on himself 3 times after that. he actuall stood beside the toilet and pushed and tried to poop on himself until i caught him. Then when you put him in time out he pulls his pants down and pees on the floor and all over clothes laughing.He also gets up in the middle of the night and stands in his baby sisters and brothers (3 months and 15 months) room over their crib just staring at them. he lies and says that ppl beat him and do bad things to him (never sexual) and these ppl havent been around him in weeks but will say that they threw him through a wall just a few minutes ago. He does things to be very spiteful. He doesnt have the best home life with his mother. she does not work and lives off child support and the government. they sit in the house all day and do nothing but watch tv. she also has a bad addiction to prescription pills. i dont know what to do! its starting to take its toll. His father has tried spanking, taking toys away, time out, standing in the corner, reprimanding, taking toys away anything we can think of. Please help!!!

For starters, 4-year-olds don't always have a good sense of time. It'll be June and they are still talking about Halloween like it was last week. I teach preschool, believe me. He's not neccessarily lying when he says someone he hasn't seen in a month hurt him. Sure, he's wrong about the time but he could be telling the truth about the incident... especially if he has details. Certainly his behavior is a strong clue that something is wrong in his life whether it's abuse or neglect. Secondly, all the discipline techniques you mentioned are negative... spanking, taking things away, standing in corners, ect. This will do nothing but may an angry child angrier. Give positive reinforcement a real try (a month at least of consistancy.) It may take a while for him to trust and accept the positive attention if he's so used to getting negative attention. I'd seek some counselling. Perhaps they can give you a better idea what is going on. Plus, if she's truely addicted to pills, why doesn't your boyfriend have custody?

Do what you have to do to get this child out of his negative environment and give him the chance for a normal happy life. Take him right away to a doctor and if there is no medical reason for his behaviors, get a referral to a child psychologist. All the behaviors you list point to abuse and/or neglect. Children who are being abused often soil themselves as a result of the abuse. Stop punishing him now and get help for this child fast!

we've been trying to get custody. they keep giving him joint. they've been to court 3 different times and we had no proof. its just a mess & constant battle for everything which i know is part of the reason that this is going on. as for the time thing, i do understand what your saying my other son is the same way with time frames but saying ppl beat him alot of it i know 4a fact is not true. he said my fiance threw him through a wall, that i shoved dirty underwear in his mouth and cut his head with a knife and that his teacher (when he was in day care before she pulled him out) put him in a dark closet& made him eat his feces. its very outlandish. I have tried alot of positive things also, hugging, taking a walk and talking but if you have some suggestions on positive ways to discipline please let me know! thank you so much for your input

talked to the mom keeps saying she'll get him in play therapy but never does. he makes apts n she doesnt take him. he has set visitation and she only lets him get him when he's supposed to unless it suits her so we cant go pick him up n take him to the appts. she says its our fault bc we just had a baby girl. which i'm sure is part of it but she also has a younger baby girl. he wants to get custody but cant we had him for about 3 months and had him in day care and pretty much on the right track. my fiance went to her n said sine we've had him lets go down n sign papers for custody n drop child support (she doesnt work n lives off of child support and government) they argued n she went and took him out of day care and wouldnt let him see him until we went to court he got joint custody and set visitation. we are basically stuck and limited to what we can do! i know he's being negleted and not being stimulated at her house. we cant prove it in court so what else is there to do

Find a doctor who has Saturday hours. Explain the situation to the staff and ask if the doctor (or possibly a psychologist) will agree to see this child during a time he is with you. Call your local Depatment of Child Mental Health. There are red flags for many future issues that will just get much worse unless the situation is addressed quickly. A physicians report is what is needed to help you to prove in court what is happening.

thank you! your absolutely right. i honestly dont know why i didnt think of that lol