Pros and Cons of being a single parent
05/22/2007 at 19:15 PM

Hey All

 

I was just wondering what you all think is the best thing about being a single parent and what is the hardest thing about being a single parent.

 

Marti

Pro is knowing that you did it on your own and can take credit for all the success your child has

Con - not having a male father figure for my son.  I know he misses that father-son connection

cid
395

Hey choctaw,

 

I can totally see why both of those things would be your pros and cons.  It has to feel good from time to time to know that you are the only one you have to answer to but I also understand how hard it must be for your son and for you sometime not to have a male father figure to depend on.

 

Marti

 

http://www.familyeducation.com/home/

cid
401

Pro:  I am able to instill values without interference.  For example, we don't watch TV in my house during the week and no one else is there to tell me otherwise.

I've had to creatively find ways ( and have!!) to build a family and community.  Reaching out and figuring it out has been most enlightening.

I've discovered that lots of families are imperfect so I no longer use the traditional family as a measuring stick for my life and family.   

 

cid
465

Hey Pbjone,

 

Welcome to the boards.  Oh, I agree with you, I have never met any perfect families yet.  And traditional doesn't necessarily mean perfect or even better.  I think lots of different types of families work and that is so important for people to see and realize!  There are a lot more non-traditional families than there are traditional families these days!

 

Stick around and post more!

 

Marti

 

http://www.familyeducation.com/home/

cid
485

Hi,

I just found this site beacuse I am a Mum on my own with a
16 and 14 yr old daughter looking for support  and someone to talk
to.

The best part is being free of a controlling husband who
drank too much and was sooo miserable to be around!!!! The girls and I
have enjoyed a peace in our own cute little place which is way more
imporatnt than being trapped in a bad place even though it was very
financially secure..it is not worth it!!!

 The hardest part of being on my own is the huge
responsibility  to bring up these 2 girls and the worries that I
have to deal with because there is no one who understands or who can
share the stresses of just plain everyday living!!! If you want to even
get away for a week in the smmer or share driving to activities it is
all up to you...no one to help!!!!!

The answer I suppose is to reach out to other parents and help each
other but when you work all day and cook and keep the house in order
there is not too much energy left!!!!!

Colleen

cid
545

Hey Colleen

 

Welcome to the boards.  It must be hard being a single parent to two teenage girls.  Please also visit our parents of teens board--there are lots of great people there too.

 

I think reaching out to other parents is so important, it lets us know that we are not alone and that this too shall pass!

 

Please keep posting!

 

Marti

 

http://www.familyeducation.com/home/

cid
548

I completely agree with the pro you cited.  I place restrictions on TV time and video gaming. I am very glad there is no one around to disagree with what I believe to be best. Also, the way I discipline my kids is up to me. Things that I believe to be morally wrong and I want to teach them right, my ex would have laughed at.

The big con for me is the fact that there is no one there to share their achievements with who supposedly loves them and cares for them as much as I do. Grandparents are great but it just isn't the same. Or on the flip side when they do something wrong, someone to say, "you know, it's not so bad". I find that the hardest thing. Because of this, I find I am harder on my kids because I have no one to create a balance with.

cid
658

Colleen, I hear you.  It has been 4 years for me raising a 12 year old and an almost 10 year old, both boys. I have been especially "down in the dumps" of late.  I have very little if no support from my immediate family. I'm not particularly good at asking for help and have been particularly lonely over the last little while.  My ex-husband is an alcoholic but has many, many other issues as well. My worries among many others are that my kids will inherit the gene for alcoholism or addiction. That keeps me awake many nights.  Anyway, you certainly are not alone!

cid
659

Hi Marti ~  (new user here)

I have to say the best thing of being a single parent (my daughter is 14) is that you get to spend quality time on a one-on-one basis which allows your child to really know you as a person, and not just a parent.  You can pass on your values with greater clarity and definition.

The hardest part would have to be dealing with the child's hurts and disappointments that occur due to lack of unity between his/her mother and father.  It takes awareness, love and compassion to counsel your child when they don't understand the actions or words of the non-custodial parent.  It's worth the effort though!

cid
731

Hey vicky,

 

Welcome to the boards!!  I know it has to be hard to deal with the disappointments that your daughter deals with---it sounds like you are very aware and I am sure she appreciates that.

 

Stick around and post on lots of our boards.

 

Marti

 

http://www.familyeducation.com/home/

cid
748

Hello Everyone,

The pro's of single parenting for me are 1) I am the primary decision maker, 2) I instill values in them that will not be altered by anyone, 3) I never miss anything in their lives (these are just a few).

The con's will be not having their biological father involved, having to beat the clock in order to complete my daily tasks alone.

cid
763

Hi all

Iam a single mum of a nine year old girl and have been since i was less than 3mnths pregnant.I think that the pros are when you know that you are the one who instill them with their values and the rewards back are amazing.  The cons are that there is no one their to say at the end of the day sit down and i will make the coffee and have a cuddle on the sofa 

 

cid
1088

Hi welcome aboard. I am one of the many single parent. It can be very challenging at time but guess what when your chlid or children succeed you can always feel proud that you did it on your own.

cid
1222

Boy, this is a sticky one. I was going to put in my two cents, but, in my experience, it is very difficult to tell people something they think they already know, so I will only put in a half-penny.

This question is like asking someone with one arm, what is the best and worst thing about that? If you ask the one armed person if they are fine, "yes" is the probable response, but, the real question is "If you had a choice, would you rather have two?" Hmmmm!

I am not suggesting single parents run out and get a mate just to have one, what I do suggest is many people justify their decisions and their situation by interpreting them in way that causes the least amount of anxiety and reduces quilt. But, the real issue is the kids, not what is good or bad about being a single parent. Most of the time the answer is less important than the question.  The question here should be, "what are the pros and cons for the children in a single parent home?"

DaMoKi Bob

cid
1291

pros: no one is arguing with you because of your parenting
It's always your way
It's your own life

cons: There is no one to back you
You are always the bad guy
You are the only one they remember screwing up

cid
1919

The pros for me are the fact that my daughter and I are extremely close. She didn't have her father around for about 3yrs after she was born and her and I spent every waking minute together when I wasn't at work. Now Dad is around and she loves him but her and I still have an unbelievable closeness. My mom comments on it all the time saying she's never seen a child love her mother so much. :>)

The cons are the financial burden and not having the 2nd parent there to help with disciplining. I receive child support but it's not consistent. Sometimes months go buy with no payment. My daughter is now 7 and she always listens to her father when she is with him. She's starting to be a little hard to handle at times for me. I know it's because she's with me all the time and she's more comfortable with me so she feels comfortable acting out also but it's frustrating to see her behave so well for him and then not for me. Don't get me wrong....most of the time she is a perfect angel and she's wonderful at school too. She just has her moments where it would be nice to have that male figure in the household to help when she's acting up.
cid
2746

I have to say being a single parent isn't at all what I planned all those years ago. The pros and cons are related to why you became a single parent in the first place. First, I was leaving an abusive relationship (kids, too) and the pro was that we were out of there. Then I was widowed unexpectedly (related to the abusive relationship) and the pros are hard to find. The cons are more complex and stayed constant. 1. The healthy male role model for two boys with what they saw in their lives. 2. Money. 3. No down time. (Psychological issues required constant monitoring.) Thanx. Glad to share this with someone.

cid
6366

There is a certain satisfaction that comes from knowing you did things yourself, but like one poster said if I could choose I would have a father for my son. The hardest part for me as a single mother has been to watch my boys long for that father figure. That is one thing I don't have control over no matter how many big brothers or mentors a boy has, there is still somthing missing.

cid
6369

Isn't it wonderful! to be able to instill in YOUR children what you have learned I too am a single and proud mom to a son who is doing very well without his father in his life.
I won't go into great details but his father wouldn't (couldn't)handle the responsibility of parenthood I don't get any child support he don't like to work I have long since accepted this and moved on dispite all the so called "horror "tales of when one is a single parent their children turn out disfunctional is WRONG! it only means you have to be twice the parent both dad and mom and at every angle know what they are doing I am the product of a single parent home (dad died when I was three yrs) so as for young men getting the right "role model" we have the advantage over married couples we can choose who we want in out childs life.

cid
15643