Nursery making me feel isolated - FamilyEducation
Nursery making me feel isolated
09/30/2009 at 10:23 AM

Hi All
Never done this before but here goes. I'm a single mum to my 2year old son he does seem to have started biting when he is frustrated and angry at the moment but apart from that he is normal healthy and happy and probably a little brighter than the others at nursery. My nursery are great and he has been in full time care since just 8 weeks old as I had to go back to F/T work as soon as he was born. But the nursery keep making excuses and saying this and that or he is like this acting like that because I am a single parent. I'm the only single parent family at this nursery and dont really feel I or he should be or are different from others. he is disciplined and we have lots of time together outside normal working week and he shows me lots of affection.
What can I do to stop them from making me feel isolated I dont really want us to grow up being 'Different' obviusly somethings are different but we are not the first nor the last!!.

Suggestions please

When the workers bring up a problem, ask for specific suggestions (as they are professionals, right?) for what you can be doing differently at home, and what intervention they are suggesting for themselves at the nursery. This way you are focusing on a solution, instead of looking for a cause. I have been a married mom (one marriage) through six children. Some of my children were biters. Was it because I was a married mom? It doesn't really matter. What matters is that when a child of mine bit somebody while I was around, I would say "NO!" and separate the children, and hold my child in my lap and say that when people bite they have to sit until they feel sorry, then they have to say "I'm sorry," with a sad voice and a sad face. I started this because one of my kids would brightly chirp "sorry" and be on his way.

Thank you i will give it a go. They know at the nursery that his dad is short tempered and violent (which is why I left so early on in my pregnancy) and just seem to think its in my sons genes (I really hope not!!!) so make excuses and then just seem to moan at me, but because I cannot see what is going on at the time or what may have been the cause etc I am finding things very difficult. He knows sorry and he really knows when things are wrong. I tend to work on the basis that he has 3 chances when I tell him not to do things before I physically remove him to try and get him to stop and understand for himself and in all other scenarios this seems to work great (obviously I cant let him bite someone 3 times!!) but he does really understand quite a lot. I will give it a go though - many thanks.

I think it is confusing for kids if sometimes they get three chances and sometimes there are consequences the first time. Perhaps when you are giving an instruction that needs to be attended to on the first time, you could say something like "Right NOW, I need you to ______."

Thanks not thought of it that way.