gifts, finances, court, kids - FamilyEducation
gifts, finances, court, kids
12/10/2007 at 11:22 AM

This will be my first year separated and I thought my ex and I could work things out without too many problems. What do you do when the ex can provide extravagant gifts but doesn't seem to want to hand over enough money to just buy groceries each week. I don't have money for gifts at all but now the boys (12 and 9) will each get gifts. I am going to have to go to court just to get any kind of legal protection at all. My husband still seems to think we can do things without court as long as he has full control. He has even threatened to put the house for sale to make ends meet. We have not place to go right now. I am between a rock and a hard place as an unemployed, stay-at-home mom and jobs aren't just dropping into anyone's laps around here.

 Sharon, you have to protect yourself. Since you were a stay at home mom for so long you may be entitled to alimony. No wonder you husband wants to keep it out of the courts. He has the financial power now, and knows a court will level the playing field. If the kids live with you , document that. Document everything. You need to get a consultation with a lawyer and strike first. File for divorce and custody. Ask the court for alimony so you can provide for the kids until you find gainful employment. He is using this situation to make himself look good in front of the kids and to make you look bad. If he sells the house what protection will you have? He will try and take everything and leave you with nothing. You need a lawyer today. Get on the phone and get one. Do not say a word to him or the kids. Keep this to yourself. The hardest part is taking the first step. You need to realize that he is doing this as a way to hurt you, and tyo control you. Do not allow him to do this any further.


I agree with this guy.  you've got a Disneyland dad who thinks that withholding financial support punishes you, who doesn't believe that he has an obligation to provide the basics for his children.  Get a lawyer, today.  You don't have to tell the kids anything about the divorce.  You say. "That's private.'  "That's between me and daddy."  That's grown-up stuff, and when you are a grown-up, I will tell you."  And you need to keep doing that even if your ex-husband tells them either truth or lies about the divorce.  The only exception is that if they are shaken by the stuff he tells them.  Then you tell them the truth in a kind way.   AND DOCUMENT EVERYTHING.