child discipline help - FamilyEducation
child discipline help
08/02/2011 at 13:08 PM

im a single mother and im aware i havent disciplined my daughter much ... i was abused (physically, mentally and sexually) as a child and im afraid that i will not be able to discipline her without hurting so i havent done much ... i know i do need to start but i dont know how to and sometimes even feel like im not a good mother ... and now me and my partner are thinking of getting more serious but he brought to my attention the fact that he doesnt like the way my daughter is. he has a child himself and the way he disciplines is with spanking and i guess it works because his child is very well behaved ... we had a talk and he ask me to please do something (discipline) about my daughter he said he doesnt expect me to hit her if i dont want to but that i do need to find a way to discipline her and he asked to think about our future together about how i would feel if he were ever to discipline my daughter which he says he doesnt feel comfortable about ever doing and cant see himself doing it (but would i be ok with him doing it to our future children??).. i am very confused i know i do have to start teaching my daughter to behave but i dont know how i would feel about him spanking her (lightly) i feel that if he is doing it as discipline and not out of pure violence its somewhat ok but what is the difference?? what should i do??

How old is your daughter? Is her father in the picture at all? How old is his child and does he have custody or just visitation?

mine is 2 and no her father is nowhere in the picture

Over on the left side of this site, there's a category called stepfamilies. It would be good for you to read those stories before you marry/have more children. As far as disciplining a two year old . . . As much as you can, prevent problems. Tell her the things that will get her in trouble, then swoop in and interrupt her if she begins to do any of those things. Provide her with an area where she can do things that won't get her in trouble. Tell her the things that she is allowed to do, too. "You can play with the pans while I cook." Label her good behavior often. "You are coloring on the paper." "You are playing with your own toys." Save praise, (judgment) give it sparingly. "You did a great job drawing that snowman!"

If she is doing something wrong, describe it. Your tone of voice will probably clue her in that you don't approve, you don't always have to tell her that it's wrong. Never, ever, ever say Good girl or Bad girl. Ever, Ever, Ever. Try to give correction with positive phrases. "Stay on the sidewalk!" Not "Stay off the street." This takes a LOT of practice, it is hard to do. When you find yourself saying "Don't do that", be sure to spend some time figuring out what you want her to do instead, and how to say it positively. Write it down, practice it! Any adult can provide this kind of discipline. Including your BF. It takes commitment and paying attention to what she is doing, and providing opportunities for her to explore without getting in trouble or danger.
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