Why do kids fight
06/21/2011 at 12:03 PM

I see many posts about kids fighting and often wonder why no one ever asks how it all got started. There is a general assumption that it's just normal behavior!
IMO and experience, it is not NORMAL...IT WAS OUR PARENT'S FAULT!
My brother & I were systematically taught and trained to be bad to each other and allowed be bad to our little sister by our PARENTS.
Our home was troubled, unhappy, FRIGHTENING and a perfect breeding ground for troubled kids like us. Our parents and parenting was the entire reason for our so-called normal sibling rivalries. Parents have the DUTY to teach, train and model good, loving, respectful behavior and attitudes in their own home and ours FAILED miserably to do their DUTY so we ended up fighting a lot while assuming it was all the other kid's fault.
IT WAS OUR PARENT'S FAULT!

an "About" search is no more useful than a google. By the time someone posts here, they've already 'Asked' and googled and wikipedia-ed. Get specific, please, jimrich.

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Thanks for that reply Jillian, that is a REFRESHING perspective. Jim seems to think that kids lack free will, and will only make mistakes because they are taught to do so by the evil parents. Eventhough Jim may have been a kid at one point, he forgets that children can actually think for themselves.

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So, Jim is trying to clean up his act. Let's give him a chance to start fresh. Also, SnglDad, in very stressed families, some kids are impulsive, they don't know how to stop and think before they do something. It's a whole different dynamic than a regular family. You have no idea.

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Mayamay, when you say I have no idea, what do you base that on? I may have more insight than you could ever imagine. The home I grew up in was anything but "regular". You say that some kids from stressed families are impulsive, why not all? Are there kids from non-stressed families who are also impulsive?

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Yes, and I am sorry I was generalizing. However, I think that Jim was/is impulsive, and cannot conceive that anyone could develop a more reflective style without having reflectivity modeled and taught. I think that you have always been less impulsive, and can't conceive that someone would consistently respond reflexively.
Jim says personalities are developed 99.9% nurture, .1% genetic. I think there are three things to consider, nurture, biological factors, and self-determination, and we need to consider what we are responsible for. As individuals, we are not responsible for how we were nurtured, but we are responsible for self-determination. As parents, we are responsible for nurturing, but not for our children's choices.
As citizens of the planet, we are all responsible for doing what we can to optimize biological factors. Not real comfortable with eugenics, but pre-natal care, adequate nutrition, decreased environment toxins--I can support those three.

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Jim, you have all kinds of “advice” to solve everyone else’s problems, have you solved any of your own recently? Just curious. Good luck.

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