Brother/Boss lets me down again - FamilyEducation
Brother/Boss lets me down again
02/27/2011 at 10:23 AM

I am new here and hope that i can gain some insight with my problem.

I have spent 54 years trying to be best friend, confidant, working partner with my brother. I have worked for his company off and on for 20+ years the latest stint being 8 years straight.

I really enjoyed my job and did a very good job. I was the top salesman in my office and moved across the country to be his eyes and ears for him in the new office.

He has a GM in front of me. I have been passed over for promotion 5 times. I have taken 3 voluntary layoffs when the business was slow so others could work. I was told by my boss in October of 2010 that I should go ahead with a home purchase I was considering because I had established myself here and my place was here. In Jan of this year he came to me and told me I was being laid off indefinitely.

My brother who is president of the company agreed that i was doing a great job, and that my boss told him it was performance related even though I was the top salesman in a down year. My brother would not over rule his GM's decision to make me stay. My counterpart in the office rarely even comes into work and never does the complete job that i do and really doesn't even like his job nor care about it much but he's friends with the GM.

I have been sacrificed again and my level of dedication to the company and the family business is not in question. Yet i am still out right after I bought a home. My brother takes a hands off stance saying he cannot over rule his GM because it would undermine his authority. My brother has always kept me at arms length, has passed me over for promotion many times and has tried to convince me to change careers entirely even though I have a great passion for the business.

I am seriously hurt, heart broken and every time I try and get him to understand my contribution he says its a business decision. I was told by the GM that he cant keep the budget under control and he needs to cut it by coincidentally my salary and benefit package. They just hired a new person to come in at 75K a year. Hired her and then let me go one week later.

Somethinng doesn't smell right and the ripples are being felt throughout the whole company. No one understands this decision.

I have been offered another job at his direct competitor. My brother has worked hard to convince me that I shouldn't burn any bridges and try to go after his business. he says its temporary lay off but can give no time frame of my return. And the GM has intimated it could be a year. The new company wants me to chase the business I had been doing with clients from my brothers company. My heart and soul are with my brothers company but i feel I have been manipulated, used, and thrown out like a used kleenex and really have a hard time wanting to keep a good relationship with my brother. he has hurt me time and time again, and will not stand up for me even though he knows I do a great job.

I just am struggling very much with my loyalty to him and his company but my new position will be in direct competition with him. Should I shut the door on my relationship with him and move on? Should I keep that door open that could slam in my face again during hard times. I believe that if the company is not making its nut the GM should be looked at as bad management. he has given away 1/2 of my salary in free stuff to clients over the last year which my brother knew nothing about until i told him. But he is willing to lose his eyes and ears in his sattelite office rather than look at perhaps the GM's management of the office.

I am in such a quandry and feel like my brother manipulates me at every chance he gets to make the situation work out for him. he is viewed by the rest of my family as cold and heartless and I have to agree at this time.

What would you do?
I need help navigating this situation.

In general, I think it is not a good idea to work for family members. There are some people who can separate out what is expected in the family relationship from what is expected in the business relationship, but often both relationships get ruined. Find another job. It would be really nice if you could support your family without competing with your brother's company, but your first obligation is to support your family.

This opinion was removed by the author

Ummmmm my parents did teach me that. I have been loyal, its him that isn't loyal

Jim is very angry with his parents. No matter what, he wants to blame parents, he's bitter. If a child makes a mistake, Jim traces it back to the parents. Jim has yet to share with us any personal experiences in how he chose to raise his own children. Kind of hard to take him seriously when he only speaks out of spite rather than personal experience.

I guess so, Poor kids.