I would like to solicit your opinions once again please...
My son turned 9 in April. He and I are part of a "combined family". My fiancé is a strong and virtuous man and father; my son and I will move into his home on June 1st.
Living in our home will be: me, my fiancé, two of his children (18 yo girl & 13 yo boy) and my 9 year old son.
What seems to be happening is that my son is the "underdog" in most of our interactions. My son is the youngest and it seems like he is often the target of everyone's frustration. Our 18 yo girl often "bosses" him around and tells him to be quiet when he is talking or singing or making noise and such. Our 13 yo boy bops him on the head, tells him he is stupid, wrestles him to submission, tells him to shut up etc. My fiancé constantly monitors his table manners, is annoyed by his constant noises,claims our 9 yo is annoying (which he often is)... This stuff seems to be the rule rather than the exception. They also show love, support and acceptance for my son, but lately seem to be monitoring his areas of improvement constantly and not taking the opportunities to celebrate his areas of strength.
My son LOVES the family and never wants to leave when its time to go home. He adores the 13 yo boy and admires my fiancé. He is happy in the family and when I have asked him about certain events, he says it's not a problem - they are just trying to make him "tough"...
I feel like I should defend him. I feel like he has become the constant target for the family to monitor and harass. My fiancé maintains that my son tries to annoy and get attention (I believe he does) ... but should I speak up and defend him when it's CONSTANT? It's like he rarely ever gets to offer his opinion or be himself.
I wonder if this happens with the youngest child in original families or if this is because he is a new member of the family? I really just want some feedback about how normal this is or is not and how to handle it without overcompensating and babying and defending my son as a reaction.