My 10 year old Daughter has no friends:(
09/11/2009 at 13:47 PM

Hi I have a 10 year old daughter that just started 5th grade, although she is very smart and pretty also, she has trouble keeping friends. This years class has a clique which seems to bother her.. She is not being bullied but being ignored which breaks my heart:( In 3rd grade she made friends with a nice girl and they became the best of friends they would call each other have playdates..In our town they sometimes loop the classes so my daughter stayed with the same class for 3rd & 4th grade. For this year 5th grade they separated them no she is in a class with no one she connects with and her bestfriend is in a class with a bunch of other girls she knows so she doesn't pay attention to my daughter at all... It's almost as like they need to only play with the girls that are in their class and that's it.It's hard for the kids but even harder for the Mom's:(

While this may seem difficult for your daughter, the fact is, the reason for school is for children to get a good education. Your daughter is not there as a means to have a social life. Provide a social life for her outside of school if that is important to you. Life is full of cliques. This is encountered in every class, office, religious, social organization or even families. It is up to you to make this situation not so important to her. Encourage her to be the best student she can be. Enrole her in other activities such as Girl Scouts, music or dance classes or sports outside of school. There are many ways for you to help her to make and have friends. Don't take this so personally and she won't either.


hi i am ten years old and just started 5th grade i am just like your daughter i have no friends nobody picks me to play with them or to be a partner during class activitys:[ I would love to be friends with your daughter:]please write back as soon as you can. i would love to hear what you have to say:]


Uggh-I feel for you-maybe by now it's gotten a little better. I was just having this conversation with my daughter and came across your post. My daughter is 9 in 4th grade and same situation. It breaks my heart-I think the more I talk about it the worse she feels-I think it might be more my issue than hers. I definitely feel I work through my own unresolved issues through my kids-especially(unfortunately)my daughter. I like the post below-very wise.


Ah yes, I remember when that same thing happened to me, mine happened to last a little longer than your daughter though, 3rd-6th grade. Pretty much the worst years of my life. I hated school so much that I completely gave up on trying. All you can do is let her go to a different school, or be home schooled. Other than that you'll just have to wait. It will be over soon, hopefully. Theirs an end to everything, except eternity.



I have a 10 year old in 4th grade. A very similar situation. She is smart,pretty, and not really into sports. There are no girls in her class that she is friends with. They bully her and give her a hard time because of her clothes and that she doesn't have pierced ears. I've bought her cute Justice clothes, but they are still give her a hard time and I told her that maybe she can get her ears pierced for her 11th birthday. I think it is especially hard when girls are smart and pretty, there is a lot of insecurity and jealousy to go around. Any suggestions would be helpful. Thanks.


Hi, I have the same problem as you. I don't really have any friends because there is a big group and they bully me. I'm ten and I am in fourth grade and I really like American Girl Dolls. I like sleep overs and I love to read. Hope you write back.




I'm sorry your child is having difficulty. Kids, especially girls can be horrible. Make sure you put the teacher and the principal on notice. A little group therapy can do wonders. Also I'd suggest getting her involved with an outside activity so she has some friends. the problem is once they start the downward spiral it makes it even harder to make friends. Get her into some self defense classes so she can learn to be more secure in herself.


Hi.I am 10 and i am like your daughter too.I have no friends and i get ignored too.


Take the opportunity to be involved with people of different ages--volunteer at a community daycare for children or for the elderly every week. I think we need to widen our vision of who can be friends. My 14 y.o. daughter's very best friend is a woman about 70 years old. My daughter walks to church 1/2 hour early every week so that she and this woman can visit. Sometimes my daughter drops in on her during the week, too, and whenever we have fun news, this woman is her first phone call.


We joined a home schooling group. We found a church with an inclusive youth group. My daughter babysat. We joined the YMCA. We planned and participated in a lot of activities with relatives. It is not necessary for your daughter to have a same age "best friend" in order for her to be happy, as mayamay points out. My daughter, now nearly 27, still considers me her best friend.


Thanks for all the advice!! It has been
Awhile since I last posted. My daughter is
In 6th grade now and things have improved
A bit for her she has since met some nice girls
But still struggles with the girl drama, friends
Today and enemies the next:( She is a very
Caring girl and when girls turn on her it hurts
Her feelings. I try to let her navigate through
This issue's but she knows I am always there
For support! The only thing that I guess worked
For us was getting her involved with different
After school activities. And we also sent her
To a great camp after 5th grade and she met some
Nice girls there. It's just find it disturbing how
Mean some girls could be. Thanks for all your advice
Also I saw in response someone wrote school
Is not a place for social interaction I believe it
Is important to connect with nice girls. Thanks again!!


Also I did involve the school counselor back
When my daughter was in 5th grade. They
Would have a small group of girls eat lunch
Together and talk about feelings. Did it help?
No not really because some kids just don't
Want to be nice. My only hope is that she
Gets through all the middle school drama!!
Mom of 2 girls


Also sorry about all of the post. I think some
Of the problems we are facing with our preteen
Girls are some girls mature faster than other
Girls!! My daughter is small for 11 and some of
This girls are big for 11 I mean really developed
Already they all have facebook accounts and
We told her she is not allowed to have a FB
Well into highschool!! I have seen how nasty some
Can get on FB!!


Snow NiNja, please call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-8255, right away if you are having these feelings. Talk with a parent, teacher, grandparent, or another adult about your thoughts about killing yourself and the bullying issue. We hope for the best for you.