My 10 year old Daughter has no friends:( - FamilyEducation
My 10 year old Daughter has no friends:(
09/11/2009 at 13:47 PM

Hi I have a 10 year old daughter that just started 5th grade, although she is very smart and pretty also, she has trouble keeping friends. This years class has a clique which seems to bother her.. She is not being bullied but being ignored which breaks my heart:( In 3rd grade she made friends with a nice girl and they became the best of friends they would call each other have playdates..In our town they sometimes loop the classes so my daughter stayed with the same class for 3rd & 4th grade. For this year 5th grade they separated them no she is in a class with no one she connects with and her bestfriend is in a class with a bunch of other girls she knows so she doesn't pay attention to my daughter at all... It's almost as like they need to only play with the girls that are in their class and that's it.It's hard for the kids but even harder for the Mom's:(

While this may seem difficult for your daughter, the fact is, the reason for school is for children to get a good education. Your daughter is not there as a means to have a social life. Provide a social life for her outside of school if that is important to you. Life is full of cliques. This is encountered in every class, office, religious, social organization or even families. It is up to you to make this situation not so important to her. Encourage her to be the best student she can be. Enrole her in other activities such as Girl Scouts, music or dance classes or sports outside of school. There are many ways for you to help her to make and have friends. Don't take this so personally and she won't either.
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15261

hi i am ten years old and just started 5th grade i am just like your daughter i have no friends nobody picks me to play with them or to be a partner during class activitys:[ I would love to be friends with your daughter:]please write back as soon as you can. i would love to hear what you have to say:]
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17375

Uggh-I feel for you-maybe by now it's gotten a little better. I was just having this conversation with my daughter and came across your post. My daughter is 9 in 4th grade and same situation. It breaks my heart-I think the more I talk about it the worse she feels-I think it might be more my issue than hers. I definitely feel I work through my own unresolved issues through my kids-especially(unfortunately)my daughter. I like the post below-very wise.
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18644

Ah yes, I remember when that same thing happened to me, mine happened to last a little longer than your daughter though, 3rd-6th grade. Pretty much the worst years of my life. I hated school so much that I completely gave up on trying. All you can do is let her go to a different school, or be home schooled. Other than that you'll just have to wait. It will be over soon, hopefully. Theirs an end to everything, except eternity.
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18827

Hello, I have a 10 year old in 4th grade. A very similar situation. She is smart,pretty, and not really into sports. There are no girls in her class that she is friends with. They bully her and give her a hard time because of her clothes and that she doesn't have pierced ears. I've bought her cute Justice clothes, but they are still give her a hard time and I told her that maybe she can get her ears pierced for her 11th birthday. I think it is especially hard when girls are smart and pretty, there is a lot of insecurity and jealousy to go around. Any suggestions would be helpful. Thanks.
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20743

Hi, I have the same problem as you. I don't really have any friends because there is a big group and they bully me. I'm ten and I am in fourth grade and I really like American Girl Dolls. I like sleep overs and I love to read. Hope you write back. Sincerely, Brit
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20744

I'm sorry your child is having difficulty. Kids, especially girls can be horrible. Make sure you put the teacher and the principal on notice. A little group therapy can do wonders. Also I'd suggest getting her involved with an outside activity so she has some friends. the problem is once they start the downward spiral it makes it even harder to make friends. Get her into some self defense classes so she can learn to be more secure in herself.
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21006

Hi.I am 10 and i am like your daughter too.I have no friends and i get ignored too.
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24528

I can definitely relate to your situation. I have a daughter who is 11 years old. She is very pretty. She is a honor roll student. She has made the selected choir, joined a swim club, and also takes an American Sign Language (ASL) course outside of school. Even though my daughter is an honor roll student, she had to get help in school with reading. According to our state, it is required for the students to take a basic skill test for certain subjects. Depending on how well they do, determines what reading class she is put into. My daughter also has Attention Deficit Disorder, which is hard for her to focus during to talk that can relate to problems they are having. As us being moms, we are not pre-teens growing up in 2000's. We do not deal with the same things issues We immediately went to and a few friends that she hangs out with at school. I am just not sure why she doesn't have that I am part
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26031

Some of the things that other girls in her grade are able to do is have a facebook/my space account. My daughter is only 11, I told her that she must be 13. They also are able to have relationships with boys. We are not letting our daughter date until she is 16 years of age. They also have cell phone, which we let our daughter have for 2 reasons: one she started babysitting recently after taking her babysitting training course. Most homes no longer have land lines. Do it would have been hard for her to call anyone incase of an emergency. Two, if she is going to be hanging out by herself at the tubing park, it is important for me to keep in contact with her. Recently we purchased her a season pass for a snow tubing park do that she could call a few girls from her school to go tubing with. I am hoping this pushes her to meet other girls her age.
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26032

I see all of these helpful suggestions that don't work my daughter has the same issues and she has tried inviting friends over, they always have other things to do, we have had parties, talked with teachers, joined church groups, cheer groups, art groups but nothing its crushing to hear my daughter ask why doesn't anyone invite me to there party or ask me over. I don't know why? All she wants is one person to WANT to be her friend. GIRLS ARE EVEL, I watched my little confident 5 year old grow into an insecure sad 11 year old. We have chosen homeschooling now I could not put her through another days misery of going to school and eating lunch alone, standing outside during recesses watching others play, being the last one picked in gym, and her being a good child left un-noticed and un-rewared. I plan to keep my daughter home and love and nurture her back to happiness! I'll be her friend!
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26036

Take the opportunity to be involved with people of different ages--volunteer at a community daycare for children or for the elderly every week. I think we need to widen our vision of who can be friends. My 14 y.o. daughter's very best friend is a woman about 70 years old. My daughter walks to church 1/2 hour early every week so that she and this woman can visit. Sometimes my daughter drops in on her during the week, too, and whenever we have fun news, this woman is her first phone call.
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26040

We joined a home schooling group. We found a church with an inclusive youth group. My daughter babysat. We joined the YMCA. We planned and participated in a lot of activities with relatives. It is not necessary for your daughter to have a same age "best friend" in order for her to be happy, as mayamay points out. My daughter, now nearly 27, still considers me her best friend.
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26042

hi im a ten year old girl too,im preety,smart and is the teachers pet. but i dont have any freinds nobody plays with me and people call me weird .any girls that are reading this dont feel weird because lots of girls like me have the same problem all of us have are own difficulties no one is perfect no one can be the right height or the right weight and a example i have red hair alot of people think im weird too another thing im super strong i can lift my mom who is 180 pounds i also do karate and i told some people that i thought were my friends but werent so they told ending up telling all the people leaving me with no friends execpt 2 again dont feel bad for yourself or think your weird if you have the same promblems. love,gemgirl a 10 year old girl in 4th grade
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26577

This post is quite dated now but I was still shocked when I read it. I completely disagree. Children are at school not only to learn, but to develop social and civic identities. Learning how to make and keep friends is a critical school experience, and helps one integrate into the larger world. Social problems at school not only hurts children's development is they are not addressed, they ultimately hurt their learning. I found your post very insensitive, not to mention thoughtless. I can only hope that these girls' teachers and administrators understand their students' needs more than you.
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26822

Thanks for all the advice!! It has been Awhile since I last posted. My daughter is In 6th grade now and things have improved A bit for her she has since met some nice girls But still struggles with the girl drama, friends Today and enemies the next:( She is a very Caring girl and when girls turn on her it hurts Her feelings. I try to let her navigate through This issue's but she knows I am always there For support! The only thing that I guess worked For us was getting her involved with different After school activities. And we also sent her To a great camp after 5th grade and she met some Nice girls there. It's just find it disturbing how Mean some girls could be. Thanks for all your advice Also I saw in response someone wrote school Is not a place for social interaction I believe it Is important to connect with nice girls. Thanks again!!
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26826

Also I did involve the school counselor back When my daughter was in 5th grade. They Would have a small group of girls eat lunch Together and talk about feelings. Did it help? No not really because some kids just don't Want to be nice. My only hope is that she Gets through all the middle school drama!! Mom of 2 girls
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26827

Also sorry about all of the post. I think some Of the problems we are facing with our preteen Girls are some girls mature faster than other Girls!! My daughter is small for 11 and some of This girls are big for 11 I mean really developed Already they all have facebook accounts and We told her she is not allowed to have a FB Well into highschool!! I have seen how nasty some Can get on FB!!
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26829

Hi my daughter is 10 and really lonley. She just moved to a diffrent school and all the class mates don't want to be her friend.She has beutiful eyes and really smart. PS She is in 5th grade.
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28158

My daughter is 10 and she is lonley. I had her in home school but she was lonley. She loves makeing new friends hopefully we can talk more.
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28159

Hi i am in 5th grade i am 10 and love to make new friends i have no friends. Maybe we can talk some more i got blue/green/hazle eyes have short blond/brown hair.
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28160

hey im like your daughter u have no friends but i'm 11 i am lost without them i feel as if they dont understand me and i try to be normal and calm and do my best in school but my schoolwork isnt doing well i try and try but i am never as pretty or as smart as the popular girls. my school is small (150 kids) so i dont have alot of options... please help
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28165

My 12 year old daughter was heartbroken last year when she saw five girls pile into a van on the last day of school with sleeping bags. Even though 2-3 others from the class were not invited, they had left school early that day, so she felt really isolated and sad. We talked about her feelings and reasons why she may have not been invited..ie. the daughter could only invite a limited number, etc. She was fine!!.. Fast forward five months and here we are again. Sleepover tomorrow night, same five, my daughter not included. She is not buying the limited number excuse this time and is really hurt and angry. Up until now, she has always been included in this group and now feels rejected. How can I help her move forward in a positive way? These are all nice girls from nice families, and maybe they are just being nice at school which she may misinterpret as 'good friends'. What should I do?
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28206

Here's an idea for you to try. Join some community projects as a family so your daughter can expand her social world. When she has more people to turn to, and a fuller life, the normal ups and downs of school will be less overwhelming.
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28335

Please please just support her and be there for her and don't put any pressure on her to consider having load of friends 'normal'. Just give her a hug when she's sad and if she shows interest in an extra curricular activity where she might meet other people then please encourage her! If you support her and encourage her she will be ok. Try not to worry too much because young people pick up on this and end up feeling that they are inadequate in your eyes because they are making you unhappy. It's not logical but its important they feel they're valued, even if its only by their mother.
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28659

I'm using my parents account yet I am in 4th grade with the same problem. People even ask me why I'm alone in recess,lunch,and other times during school.
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28893

Along With Me Miss Emo Rocks, I Have Issues Speaking To Other Kids And I Often Get Over Hyper And Feel As If I'm Driving Them Away. I Might Type And Speak Well On Computer, But In Real Life, I Feel Like I'm Pixelated And I Don't Belong There. I Some Times Feel I Was Brought Out Of The Computer World And My Memory Was Stolen And Replaced With Some One Elses, I Wish I Had The Bravery For Suicide, But I Can't Bring My Self To It. My Only Freind Is My Own Cousin, Danielle Eline. I Wish I Had To Speak With Computer, And Not My Own Mouth. It Would Make Things SO Much Easier. I'm Seeing A Therapist And It Pains Me Becuase I'm Over Hyper There As Well,And I Can't Tell Him Every Thoing That's Bothering Me becuase I Keep Talking About Things That DON'T Matter. At Least To Me. I'm Sorry For My Sad Little, Puny, Unimportant Feelings, But It Helps Me Feel Better. ~ Rachael T.
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29212

I'm 10. And The EXACT SAME THING IS GOING ON WITH ME! I HATE It. My School Isn't Small Though. 800+ Students.And Yet, The Only "Freinds" I Can Make Are Clingy And Hang Out With ME ONLY.Also, I Can Really Only Make Friends With Kindergardeners. I Know, I Should Take What I Can Get, But I Wan't People Like Me. People Who Hang Out With OTHERS And Introduce Me To Them. I Wanna Be In A Small Tom Boy/ Girly Group, Where We Don't Gossip And Speak Of Lip Gloss Non-Stop,But Of Sports And Bands And Well, Boys. I Wan't To Be Nopticed, And Be Known, But Not To Where Boys Are Swooning Over Me Non-Stop. I May Sound Like An Attention Whore,But I Don't Care. I Feel Alone And Empty. I Need A Freind, And If Some One Besides My Parents Care, I'd Apretiate It If You Let Me Know. Please. ~ Rachael T.
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sounds like all of you need to find online groups that share the same interest as you. also check into clubs in your area. trust me you arent alone with your feeings and im sure you wil find friends.
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29214

At Least They ASK You. I Told People About My Problem,Even With Other Girls,And They Stick With Their Little Groups And Ignore Me, Like I'm A Ghost. Maybe I Am, And If I Am, I Wish I Would Just Die. I'm In 5th Grade, And I Think About Suicide Some Times, Becuase No One But My Family Would Care.
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29227

Hello, I would want to be her friend. TIP: Tell your daughter not to worry because one day she will be the best (because as you said she is smart) and everybody would try to be her friend. PS. i'm only 10 and i have experienced this too 2 years before.
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29329

My daughter is eleven years old, smart and pretty, and has spent almost her whole life in schooling being ignored, much like your daughter. She's been to many schools, in loads of different areas, as I have spent time searching for a school where she will fit in and have at least one friend. About a year ago, I started homeschooling her, and while I've found her education is no less impressive than when she's been in school, I've actually found it's improved and that she's got more confidence. I always worried that my child would miss out on the social side of schooling, but I recently joined her up for Girl Guides, and she has found it far better from a social aspect than school. Try getting your daughter into a outside group of some kind and see if that helps :)
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Sweet comment Alice...I agree.
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29484

Same problem I have my daughter is smart girl but she have no friend in gr 5 she is not, mean she had issue last three years she told me I want to change school because one girls have leder ship or every girls follow her
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29582

yeah am 10 too and in the 4th grade am always bullied i suck at math i get in troulbe alot every time am bullied i feel left out the group and just kill myself almost did hanging myself it would be nice at least have one friend it was so bad i was talking to a ball all i do for people is help but i never get any am teird of this i should just kill myself why does the world has to be so harsh is this what humans came for does god not like us why does there have be k.o.s what a sad world we live in so yeah luckly i see other people happy like when i gave a homeless man $20 but he bout a snack so am not going to be on earth because am going to kill myself T_T
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Snow NiNja, please call 911 or the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 1-800-273-8255, right away if you are having these feelings. Talk with a parent, teacher, grandparent, or another adult about your thoughts about killing yourself and the bullying issue. We hope for the best for you.
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29598

My 10 year old Daughter has no friends:( 10 year old in 4th grade. A very similar situation.Like alot of these listed above.Ive even tried to find other kinds in other schools & close citie by posting play groups with no luck.Any one from Mn?
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29662

hi I'm ten also just like your daughter and i have no friends :( i keep losing them but i would love to be your daughters friend i am picked on but who cares so please right back:)
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29708

People can wish that social emotional challenges are able to be separate from academic needs in school, but this is unrealistic. Kids are social beings, and will have difficulty in other areas of life when emotional challenges are overwhelming. I hope kids that have trouble making friends seek help from an adult who will listen and help. Counselors. After school programs like the Boys and Girls Club, church groups, do SOMETHING fun and positive and friends will soon find YOU.
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29722

Hi, I found this site by accident when I was showing my 10 year old daughter that she is not alone in having a bad time at school. She comes from a mixed family and is an only child. She finds it very hard finding friends at school and feels very sad and depressed whenever it is a school day. It really helped her to know that there are other girls who face the same problems. Thanks for all your ideas, Kerry
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29735

I'm in 5th and I'm 11 I have a problem as well I used to have friends :/ but this girl name Jasmyn hates me now and than took the others soo Im alone for recess and lunch p.e and just I have nobody
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29765

I agree with getting her involved in an extra-curricular activity outside the class and then invite her best friend from last year to do that activity as well. My daughter had a hard time making friends and she and her best friend from kindergarten started swimming together in the evenings. They are still close and they always have each other no matter what is going on in the classroom.
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29766

Jessies, I am in 5th grade and will go to middle school this August. My best friend started playing with another girl and said she didn't want to be my friend anymore. I don't have any friends and always alone at recess. My friends ignore me, but does not bully me. I just feel like I don't belong because everyone already has a friend or a group of friends. I try to make friends, but no one really likes things that I'm interested in. I was really hoping to find some new and forever friends in middle school. I hope we can be friends if you would like to, please write to me. Kitty
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29790

would she be keen to penpal my daughter in nz ,
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30081

Jessies and Kitty - My daughter has similar problems as you. I think she would love to have an email pen pal. If you are interested reply and we can set it up.
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30097

My daughter is 11 and in 5th grade. She doesn't have any close friends, has been at the same school the whole time and hasn't found one close friend. Kids like her, she doesn't get bullied, but no one wants to just be with her. They all partner up with other kids or go off at recess and she is left alone. I have encouraged her to just go play what these groups are playing,etc but she says she doesn't like the games they are playing. I tell her before PE, ask someone if they'll be your partner, but she says she does but then when its time, they say "sorry, someone else wants to be my partner". The thing is, she says she is fine. Like she really doesn't like the company of other kids much. Actually,she says she doesn't! She doesn't like the drama, boy talk,etc.. But I don't think she will be fine forever, and needs someone she can count on, even if its a boy! She is in 2 dance classes and I have arranged things with other girls but it never results in anything
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30110

hi im 11 years old and i have this really close friend named Promise but today we had a fight about me not giving her something she wanted from me sometimes i wonder if people are only my friends because they want the things i have one day they are mean to me and then the next day they are my friend to get whatever they want from me and then the next day they are mean again there is this one girl Rauqel and she is really mean to me like trying to hurt me kind of thing and im not asking for much i just want some friends to play with at school like everybody else i hate being left out all the time but i just want to have friends who like me for the way i am just the way i am but nobody would care even if their lives depend on it so i guess im out of luck.:(
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30169

My daughter is 10 years old and is sad that she doesn't have any friends. We have in a few activities outside of school, like dancing and Awanas to help her make friends, but it hasn't worked out as the girls in those classes are a few years older than her. She's basically growing up as an "only" child because of the age difference between our son and her. It hurts my heart to see her crying at times because she is lonely for a friend. We keep telling her that things will not always be this way as next year means a new school with a larger group of kids, but it's hard to hear that when it seems so far off to her. It's not that she's bullied, but more ignored. She's not into the boy talk or clique stuff. She just wants to have someone to talk to and do things with once in awhile.
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30227

I don't think that is too much to ask at any age. I hope you're able to talk to your parents about this because I bet they care a lot.
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30228

Jenerin, your daughter sounds like she's going through the same thing my daughter is. My daughter isn't in to boy talk or the drama of cliques. She takes dance classes. Do you think your daughter would like to be a pen pal with my daughter? My daughter is 10 (will be 11 in a few months) and in 5th grade. Let me know.
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