makeup and highlights for girls
06/26/2009 at 19:44 PM

okay this is the conversation that i have been having since the start of summer break from school not only with my own 10 yr old daughter but several of my friends who daughters are around the same age .what is the right age to start with make-up and highlights in hair ? I had told my daughter she could get highlights this summer but i still am not real sure as for make up i noticed last year that girls in the next grade some did wear makeup .i am trying to decide if this is something we will be doing for the new 2009-2010 school year .I had my daughter make a list of somethings she would like to see happen this summer and the results are 1. make be changes look older and different for the new school year ,2. get ears pierced , clothes makeup and highlights .then i asked what kinds of changes if any she would want to happen for the new school the results are, 1.Boyfriend ,2.the kids to say how much she has changed , more (yes i noticed she added one thing for her education but it only made it to number 3) raising a daughter has so far been wonderful,exciting ,and as of now scary.i just can not imagine that its just a few parents dealing with these issues if you are or have please share it with me im trying to make this hard choice this year and time is running out i have got to have a answer before the school year starts in late august if i allow her to get highlights it will need to be around 2 wks before school starts when she is not getting in our pool everyday due to the chlorine ..please help point out the good and bad at this time i am just not sure and a lot of my friends are not sure either she is my only daughter so i am new to this

At this moment, four 17 & 18 year old boys are upstairs playing some E rated video game on the Wii. I can hear the clicks of the controllers, commentary (something about Jigglypuff?) and challenge, extra sound effects, and laughter. One of the boys is leaving for boot camp tomorrow.

Why do little girls want to grow up so fast?

At my house, you can wear make up whenever you want to. But you go out in public with a bare face until you get a lesson at the department store (age 15) so nobody looks like a tart. I've let my daughters do whatever they wanted with their hair, as long as it was a rinse, not a dye or bleach. (try grape koolaid without the sugar, a lovely purple)

If she wants highlights, have her work in the yard every day for an hour, it lightens the hair right up and looks very natural (because it is.)

I've reared 4 daughters, 3 have completed college degrees, the 4th will be a junior in college this year, I have the 18 year old boy, who is taking vocational ed classes, and a 12 year old daughter. The 12 year old is opting for home school next year because she has felt so much pressure to grow up too fast in public school 6th grade this last year. So far, no teenage pregnancies. So far, no underage drinking, no drugs.


Your daughter is 10!!! You are the parent and must learn to enforce age appropriate behaviors for your daughter.

I work with children who have behavioral issues. I have a degree in early childhood development, have raised a daughter (now 25) and am also a professional nanny. As such, I have a wealth of experience in this area. When my daughter was 10-15, the expectation was for her to behave like a young lady. At 10, she still played with her dolls and had no interest in boys. At 12, when her friends one by one began to have age inappropriate interests (such as boyfriends) we talked about the inappropriate interests and sadly ended some previously close friendships. She made friends with girls who, along with their parents, were on the same page as we were.

Interestingly, many of the former friends began to engage in risky behaviors, some getting pregnant, some getting involved with drugs. My daughter chose to home school at 15 because of the negative social pressure at school. She has thanked me over and over for being a strong parent. Yes, it is difficult and you may face some opposition from your daughter, especially since she is already, at 10, wanting to appear older and have a boyfriend.

What needs to be addressed is why she wants to "change" and be "different" at 10 years old. This is the pivital point. You also need to get some help in making these hard choices. She is only 10 and the choices will just get harder and harder as she grows up.


do you not think that you are a bit harsh stepmom i do not think if she gets her daughter highlights and allows makeup at age ten is setting her child up for a early preg,or drugs come on please lets get out of the fairy tale and look at the world yes in the world of make believe we can all take our kids out of the public schools and shield them from the world but lets face the harsh real world our kids are growing up faster now days they see it all around them from the super stars and tv,music ,magazines,and just a lot of times at schools and even down the road its called life now !!! for you to act like she is not doing her job as a mother to her child is wrong who do you think you are ? are you so much better at being a parent that you feel like you have made every choice right for your own children ? lets be honest and so no because no one can be that great as a parent we all make wrong choices ,and to just think our kids will make all right choices in life well as parents we would all love to think our kids do the right thing all the time but they dont we didnt so why would they "unless you are the brady bunch and if this is the case nice to meet you carol " now Sarah making the choice to allow your child to get highlights and wear make up is not easy i can tell from your post you want and try to do what is right by your daughter make up can be fine at a age 10 when done right i would stick with pale pinks no heavy makeup and no heavy base just light colors as for lipstick well my stepdaughter is allowed to use pale pinks ,frosted,and a great starter choice is gloss they come in great flavors also as for highlights lots of girls at my step daughters school has them and they can look real pretty just make sure to get them done by people who know what they are doing they can give you that hint of sunkiss in the hair and i have seen several girls who look great in them .just know what ever you decide she isnt going to turn bad because you allow it let me know what you decide i would love to know the outcome oh yea and yes very smart about waiting for school to almost start back and the pool it can make your hair green ,walmart sells a shampoo that helps with the hair and pool probs .it is around 5.00 i saw it their last night pool water is harsh on hair makes it feel like straw i was thinking about trying it myself if you do let me know how it works


Nowhere in my reply to this mother's request for advice was anything that was intended in the negative way you state. This is an opinion forum for people to ask for advice and/or opinions. You are being very unfairly harsh toward me and the opinion that was stated by me.

Of course we all make parenting mistakes and of course no one could possibly feel they have made every right choice as a parent. The point of being on this forum is to try to help one another, not put one onother down. I have learned a lot from the posts on here and have gotten many "thank-you's" for the heartfelt replies that I have made.

Please remember we all have the right to our own opinions. Your attitude toward me is unnecessary, hurtful and detracts from the original post. This woman solicited advice to help her make this very hard choice, which I gave, no more, no less.

By the way, my husband (and daughter) feel 10 is way too young for highlights or make up and that high school age when she is earning her own money to pay for it herself is soon enough. From a male perspective, he said that at 10 this child is still a little girl and that a boyfriend at this age should not be allowed under any circumstances. Just his opinion.....


i have not made a choice yet this is something i will have to really think about but i will let you know what i decide i do know if i let her i don't want her to look cheap or wear it heavy i have seen some that look like clowns that will not be my daughter .I like the idea of the pinks though very soft pinks but like i said i have not made a choice yet as for the boyfriends well i am not real concerned about that because i know it will not be much when i asked her what boyfriends do ,she says eat lunch at your table ,they pick you first in partners for class ,and they smile at you during class kinda funny very kid like .


This is a good discussion. We need to ask ourselves how we are going to respond to the pressures and changes in our society. Whatever's point, that we can't always shield our children, balances my point and stepmom's point that we can't always go with the flow.
The ultimate question for each of us is "Where do I draw the line?"


this time in a girls life really seems to bring with it changes we are facing some of our own my daughter is always worried about her looks compared to a friends and yes she has got to see first hand how people are treated not the same for their looks or how they dress i have also had a chance to see this it is hard for them to deal with this being said i have allowed my daughter to get highlights this summer we got them to make sure we like them so we could have a chance to fix them if we did not like them as for make up she is allowed to start this year but we went to the mall got a match done for her skin and we also picked pinks ,and clear gloss with flavors .it looks okay with what the mall lady did my daughters skin looks like it has a light sun glow i was not sure if i liked it but it is not heavy and looks good as for your choice you need to decide what you can live with i must say though it does make my daughter look older than she is which that makes me uneasy a bit so if you decide yes i just wanted you to know this so as not to be shocked it is a hard choice to make it took me over a year to decide with help from a friend who has daughter the same age i decided yes her daughter has been wearing makeup and highlights for a year longer then mine shaving the legs is something else we are doing now girls are growing up faster now than ever i wish i had a way to keep mine young but since i can not i will just pick what i feel is right for her and pray at night i was right ,one more thing we had a yard sell and i told my daughter box what you do not want to keep the barbies,dolls ,doll house and a select few stuffed animals lost their home in her room and sold for .25 cents each it is scary raising girls they change fast she took her money and bought some ear rings,some books called dear dumb diary ,and 2 cherry flavored lip gloss one for her and one for her best friend .


i look at it like this is she old enough to apply it her herself and it be right if not then she should not be wearing it >if the answer is yes she can then let her wear it .highlights that is tricky i would check with someone to make sure if it can damage the hair at her age i have heard the hair is not mature until a certain age >the boyfriend issue at that age i feel a boy that is a friend is okay but for the real boyfriend ,kissing and all way to young >but for the type of picking first like stated that sounds okay as long as it does not go to more i know with my own girls it seems right around grade 4 sometime after christmas it changes and little boys that were friends try to turn into little boys with girlfriends it is up to us to protect and guide our daughters sounds like you want the best for her i have found if i follow my gut feeling it helps > we should start a support group for parents with daughters this age like others say they change so much around this year age it starts around this age and seems to never stop > best wishes let me know what you and she decide *


My parents didn't let me wear make-up or pierce my ears til I was 13. I never asked for highlights that young, but being a teen in the 80s, big hair was in, so I was allowed to get a perm. My upbringing was pretty strict, and I also attended Catholic school, so I wasn't allowed to wear make up in school. On special occasions I wore make up, but other than that, I was ok being w/out it. I think a lot has to do w/ your self esteem and confidence level. I remember the fight I had w/ my dad over getting contact lenses. This was all after a boy in my school called me 4 eyes. My dad didn't like the idea of me sticking anything in my eyes, but my mom convinced him it was safe, so he went for it. To this day he won't watch me put my contacts in my eyes. He thinks it's gross. Ha.


Once again thanks to all for all the replies we still have not decided on the highlights but there has been a huge change she woke up one morning asked for a new hair style 2 days later we got it she has gone from hair to the rump to hair just below the shoulders with long layers she looks so cute well at least cute was my pick for a what she looked but when i called a friend and told her sent a pic through text she called me the next day and informed me her son and another child wanted to see my daughters picture and they called my daughter still hot uuummm im not sure if i like the hot part i like the cute i used better ,as for the highlights she is not even sure if she wants them now she has told me she may want her hair brown a dark brown when told this i replied your hair is already brown then that is when she made this face that meant i must not know anything at this point and said my hair is not the brown i want im just wide eyed now how did my little girl grow up so fast over the first part of this summer break i also was informed she is not a baby and to please not call her this anymore or at least in public i think i have a few more gray hairs now and at this point im not sure if i will survive her growing up .i also noticed she has really been injoy playing basketball outside that was until today when i found out she does enjoy it but she and a friend enjoy more the 3 boys watching them now i must say the kids are all the same age or around it ,but still leaves me in shock .as for the make up we decided yes on it and have made a appt to learn her colors for in aug before school goes back .it will be very light makeup and pinks .another thing we have added this year is a cell phone with plenty of rules .


I really recommend a koolaid rinse, try dark cherry. It helps put this unhealthy focus on appearance back into an appropriate 10 year old maturity level.

What does her father think about his little girl turning into a hot babe?


i will get some koolaid the next time i go to the store and give it a try ,i dont plan to let her use a dye that will not wash out even if i allow her to go brown ,she is already a light brown she showed me the color she wants if going brown it is like a med brown but still is darker than she has now due to her swimming in the pool her hair has lightened on its on alot, when i decided to let her get her her hair cut i thought it would be a good idea due to long hair being so much to take care of but was not ready and never dreamed it would make her look so much older she went from looking around 11 to 13 to 14 yrs is what i have been told by many friends i let her pick a hair cut that we have seen on alot of the girls lately girls of all ages that might have been my first mistake .she has developed a lot lately she will have to wear a bra next year and all this just has happened like a big boom since getting out of school .as for her dad we split up when she was 3 and he has not seen her since she was 5 and that was from a distance she has had a male in her life though a older step brother who is in his 20's and yes he is beside himself over this she is his world he has even went so much as to scare the boys down the road which has not made her happy .i took her to the doctor for a checkup and was told she is going through puberty and that is why the sudden changes. i do remember going through it myself but i dont remember the changes this fast i asked him if it was normal he says yes but says it will slow down and the changes will not seem like they are happening so fast ,the friends who sons called her this had a talk with the boys i feel like all she did was got a hair cut nothing wrong with that ,that the boys were wrong to call her that .


Yes, the boys were wrong to call her that. It is good the mom spoke to the boys and hope she let them know the unflattering term they used to describe your 10 y/o daughter is totally unacceptable.

You state your daughter now looks like a 13-14 y/o with the new haircut and that you are not ready for this. Once she starts to wear make-up, pinks or not, she will look even older. I sincerely hope you will change your mind about the make-up and allow your 10 year old daughter to look, and thus remain, the little girl she deserves the chance to be.


Hello. I have not raised daughters, but I have taught 10 year old girls. I can tell you things are really different then when I was raised in the 70's and 80's. Yes, you see girls with makeup and hair color/highlights. You also have boyfriends and girlfriends with 10 year olds. I have been amazed at how important it is for these young girls to have "boyfriends." Not to scare you, but I have intercepted notes that talked about things that I learned in high school or even later in life. Peer pressure is even more in their lives then when we were younger or even teens.

Some of the conversations I have listened to have been quite amusing at times. I have many of times said to the girls... "Where are you going?" when I hear them say they are going with a certain boy. They always laugh and try to clear it up. Most of this going with is done at school. Some do allow their kids to go to movies with the opposite sex and talk to them on the phone. Some parents don't allow these things.

I personally think that kids do grow up so fast and they don't realize that we sometimes would just love to have a day in their shoes with little responsibilities.

I am not a big supporter of makeup or hair coloring with young girls. They have plenty of time in high school and when they are older to make this decision and also to work to pay for these "extras." I can't say that the lip balms and glosses are that big of a deal. I would keep them simple though like another poster mentioned.

I would try to get your daughter interested in other things, such as hobbies she can learn that she will have for a lifetime. Let her explore new things like photography, knitting, cooking, bicycling, etc. Let her develop herself and enjoy being young.

Remind her that true beauty is what lies below the clothes, hair, and makeup. Ask her what characteristics the person has that she admires most. Let her see that characteristics such as honesty, caring of others, courage, helpfulness, etc. are important.

Good luck with your decision.


Host Marti - I was just flagged. :(



I got it--you are unflagged now



Thanks Marti.


with this being my only daughter it is hard to decide on all this i did meet a lady who had 3 girls around this age at the water park she was giving me advice also i just see my little girl changing so fast i feel like when the school year ended she became a different child she is still very nice and listens and from what i heard from this mother that is a plus with this age but it makes me worried to see the attention she is starting to get "and a few were somewhat older than her " i explain that she is only 10 yrs old i dont think it is juat a haircut that could be doing this i do feel like she has hit puberty and is now looking in alot of ways more mature .i know about the notes because she commented on a few girls and the stuff in them ,but just this morning while at walmart a boy out of her room last year was there and she changed her talk and smiled while talking with him ,and yes he seemed pretty happy to be talking with her also i just think this new school year is going to be alot different from the past if it is like this summer break she has a friend over to swim today and when i went to take drinks to them the 3 boys from the neighborhood were at my home with the girls i just wish she could still be that little girl playing with dolls instead of thinking about makeup ,highlights ,and boys .not to mention she now has got to straighten her hair to go play basketball outside !! as for hobbies she takes horseback riding lessons ,and enjoys cake deco which we do this all ready .once again thank you so much i listen to all said and yes i am second thought my yes to make up but still no deff choice is being made until the week before school goes back i just need time to figure it all out and research it more .


Society sure doesn't make it easy for kids to be kids these days, does it? It's wonderful that you are having an ongoing discussion about all of this with your daughter. I especially liked how you had her make a list of things she wanted to happen over the summer. Doing all of this really shows your commitment to understanding your daughter as an individual and reinforces for her that she can come to you with her concerns. It is also fortunate that there are other women in your life facing similar requests from their daughters. Think of how much support you can all provide for each other!

Personally, ten seems so young for highlights. For one thing, it's a very expensive process. Where I live it recently cost me $200 for a haircut and a full head of foils. You also have to consider that highlights aren't a done deal. Most likely once she has them, she will want to keep them. So it could get really expensive to maintain. You have to ask yourself if this is something you want to be shelling out for more than once. Your daughter is too young to have a job of her own or even babysit. For something this expensive perhaps it's better to wait until she can contribute to the cost. Not only will she appreciate them more, you are showing her the reality of what things cost. If she's getting highlights at age 10, what does she have to look forward to at 17, 18, etc.? Besides, once you start coloring your hair it can be hard to stop!

The bigger issue here is her desire to appear older and have a boyfriend. These are definitely issues to explore. This is where the other moms could really be helpful. The media really has a huge hand in this. I think it is important for parents to seek each other out and have these discussions on the impact it has on our children. There is such a need for a community at large these days and if you can cultivate that, think of how helpful that could be to all of you as mothers, daughters and women.

I liked the idea the one mom (stepmomx2) had about experimenting with makeup at home and then having an age when it is acceptable to wear in public (after learning how to apply it). Ten years old seems old enough to care for pierced ears. Does your pediatrician's office offer the service? I had my ears pierced at the mall twenty five years ago but in this day and age with MRSA and all the other things out there it just seems more hygenic (sp!)

Good luck! Hope this reply was helpful. Enjoy the rest of your summer. You are a conscience and thoughtful mother!


When my daughter was 11 she wanted to get highlights after I had gotten highlights. I didn't think she needed to get them, but after awhile I did let her get them under these conditions. I took her to somebody who I know and trusted who would just make it look natural. She wanted "BAM! LOOK AT ME. I HAVE HIGHLIGHTS" look, like many of her friends. Kinda like Hannah Montana or something. I told her, that it had to look natural, so if a stranger looked at her they would just think it was natural. Also, if she wanted have highlights she had to prove that she was getting more mature and responsible, she had to start doing some chores around the house, without being told to.

As far as makeup goes, other than the occasinal light colored lip gloss, that is really nothing more than lip balm, she doesn't wear anything. I am a girl scout leader and my girls are going to start 6th grade in the fall, and so far none of them wear makeup. I imagine that once they are in middle school that will change.

I firmly believe that no girl who is in grade school should even be talking about having a boyfiend, let alone having one.


thank you all just wanted to say we still have not decided on the new years looks other than clothes im still giving thought into and it is a on going talk we are having i hope to make a choice before school is going back .she ha showed me the summer she is getting so mature and has been a joy to have out of school so far i have friends who have decided to go with the highlights and have them for their daughters now ,she would like to know if she can have them now but is being very nice and waiting for the answer it helped when i explained that if she gets them at the last moment what a surprise for all her friends if she walks into the get to know your teacher the day before school is to start she agreed .this is something that i struggle with because this could open many doors and im not sure im ready for that yet,but we do plan to come back from vacation in 2 weeks with a answer im starting to feel the push of the new school year at my heels when we first started this talk together i had time on my side but time is running out and now all i feel is worried about the choice i make ,i know about the cost but we are lucky we have a family member who will be doing it for the just the supplies cost ..