what should i say or do? - FamilyEducation
what should i say or do?
07/21/2007 at 09:43 AM

Hello, I am 16 years old and unsure of what to do. I recently pierced my belly button, and have not yet told my parents. I'm currently in Taiwan with my grandparents, who are pretty oblivious to everything. My parents are divorced and have slightly different views on things. My dad is a little more liberal, but worries too much and has weak trust in me, but it's understandable as we don't live together. My mom, on the other hand, is on the stricter side, but I understand her too. I told her that I want to pierce my tongue and she found it disguesting. I have yet to do that and doubt I will, but that's beside the point. When we talked about belly button rings, she said that she would be more hurt than mad if I pierced it. Yet I pierced mine a few days ago. I made sure that everything was sterilized and I bought a saline solution and clean it 3 times a day.

At first, I didn't feel bad because I have felt very bad in the past because my mom didn't approve of my boyfriend and still treats me like a 13 or 14 year old. (my curfew is 1 on my LUCKY nights.) But then I realized that she's starting to loosen up on me, and now I feel bad. I don't know whether to tell her about it or just take it out. I really like the piercing and it's not as bad as people think! I won't see her for another month, so I can call or email her to tell her about it, but is that a good idea?

As for my dad, I don't think he'll mind much. I'm more concerned about my mom.


First, I have to commend you for realizing that you need help. I hope that you are ready to do the right thing. You are not worried about how to handle your mom. You made your decision when you had it done. Now you do not want to deal with the consequences. Too bad. You talk about getting to stay out until one in the morning (on lucky nights - whatever) and that obviously makes you feel in control of the situation. But here's the thing: as much as you don't want to admit it, you still need your mom. You still need a parent to help you grow into adulthood. If your mom is not stepping up to the plate, then you are left to make all of your decisions without any help. Who wants that? Everyone needs help. (Even you, or you wouldn't be here!) Everyone needs a strong family (even if your mother is the only one providing that out of all of your parents - mom, dad, grandparents). Tell your mom you made the decision to do it. Tell her that you are ready to deal with the consequences (and follow through - even if that means she tells you to remove it permanently). Look at your life and what you want out of it (not just for a lucky night, but for 5 years from now, 10 years from now, etc.) It's time for you to evaluate the decisions you are making and why. You are the only one who knows the answers to that. Share your plans with your mom. I think you will find that she will be willing to help you reach your goals if you discuss them with her.