Trying to raise a kid with values - FamilyEducation
Trying to raise a kid with values
04/02/2009 at 10:56 AM

I have an almost 12 year-old son. He's very smart (he's in gifted at school), sweet and has goals (he is a singer and plays guitar and wants to do it professionaly someday, after he completes college). Anyway, he had a girlfriend who he really liked that "dumped" him a few months ago for another boy. My son was on his myspace (which I monitor closely) and he checked out the new boyfriends page. There are pictures of the boy giving the finger, posing with a bottle of Jack Daniels and he has left messages on the girls page saying "I'm so stoned, lol." My son was so upset, because he has been raised to be considerate, respectful and to make good choices. On this boys myspace, the girl left comments like "you are SO AMAZING!". I could tell my son was crushed. This is the 3rd time that a girl has dumped him to go out with a "cooler" guy and it is really discourging to my son. How do I convince him that he is great the way he is, and that he doesn't need try to be something that he's not because the girls seem to prefer the "bad" boys. He's still so young right now, but I know that he's only going to get more into girls in the coming years.

You're doing all the right things teaching your son to just be himself. It sounds like he's a great kid. Keep up the good work. This is a tough stage for any kid, and all kids want to feel accepted. Keep doing what you're doing. Your son will thank you for it later. In time, your son will find a wonderful girl that will love him for him. My aunt once told me, "you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you meet your prince." In your son's case, his "princess". As you said, your son's still young yet. He shld be focusing on having fun, dating different girls, going out w/ friends, playing sports, and doing all the things he loves to do. Hang in there. Things will get better for him in time. Just keep reminding your son of that, and always tell him what a good person he truly is. He shldn't have to change for anyone.

This has to be really frustrating for you as a mom, since your son seems to be a great kid with a lot going for him. Girls that age DO tend to go for the "bad boys," but they eventually grow out of it. I'm sure that at one point in your childhood, you felt a pull towards a boy that your parents might not necessarily have approved of. We all have. However, you can assure your son that any girl who dumps him for a guy who gets stoned and drunk in his pre-teen years is not everything your son thought she was. It's easier said than done, and I really hope your son works through this. With a caring mom like you, I'm sure he will. Since your son is into music, maybe encouraging him to delve deeper into that in lieu of brooding over this girl might be one way to go here. There are a lot of opportunities for talented kids to explore their musical dreams, even at a young age. My niece was recently on a CD (she's 11) that has been released nationwide. While she is a great student and a terrific kid, she's at that age when giving her an outlet for expression in a creative and constructive way is better than letting her stew over boys and mean girls. The CD is called Lil' Rock Starz, and she made some wonderful friends while making it. Give it a listen, and maybe you can look into getting your son involved in a project like that. I know they're holding auditions for the next CD sometime soon. If you'd like, I can let you know when/where.

Your boy is 11 years old and has been dumped by three girls who want to go out with cooler guys. How about encouraging him to behave like an 11 year old instead of a 17 year old.

Good advice!!!!!!! Children should be allowed to be children. #1 rule: NO GIRLFRIENDS!!!!! (14 is soon enough) #2 rule: NO MY SPACE!!!!! (14 is soon enough) Children under 14 do not have the emotional maturity to be able to deal with being "dumped". Your son is getting the message at a very young age that is is cooler to be a "bad boy" than a moral young person. Following the above rules will help him to develop true values.

Tell him that sometimes it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. I know, of course, that that line has been overdone a long time ago, it's a great place to start from. I know, personally, that it must be incredibly difficult for him to go through this. I myself haven't started dating yet (for I've seen many instances of this, and do not care to get involved in any of it until I find someone I can imagine myself with in a year or two ahead of time), but I've had to...'counsel' my friends in their time of need. At least tell him that I think he's an incredibly mature young man, and I salute him for taking this as well as you describe it as. You did say he was devastated, and I hope, truly hope, that he will move on and realize that he is a much better boy than she could've dreamed of. (And if you ever want me to talk with you, as I have oogles of stories I'd love to tell, just give me a holler)

Good pt.

may be your child is smart

if your child is 18 year old they could have a myspace