Toxic Friends - FamilyEducation
Toxic Friends
07/11/2007 at 16:22 PM

My daughter had a toxic friend that tried to ruin her life, her relationships with other friends. My daughter was so concerned about what this person was doing she had failing grades, would get sick and not want to go to school, caused problems home with mom, dad, and brother. While I think most of it is over, just wondering what other Mom's have had to deal with this problem and what you did? Here is an example of what type of friend this girl was (a combination of all three).

The Betrayer as a Toxic Friend:
Nothing hurts more than a friend who betrays you. The betrayer is truly a toxic friend.

The Judge as a Toxic Friend:
Ever judgmental, ever critical, this friend can erode your self-esteem. The judge is a fault finder. You can rarely do anything completely right with this toxic friend.

The User as a Toxic Friend:
This person only has friends as long as he/she can use them for some purpose or goal of his/her own. This person could be the most harmful of toxic friends.

I think this girl was compensating for her own lack of self esteem and my daughter was vulnerable because she has know this girl since they were 3 (now 14). I think my daughter is now able to cope but I have my eyes open and hope she does too!

Hey mamacoco,


Toxic friends are a scary thing, my daughter has had a few.  My approach was to help end the friendship, not by telling my daughter that she couldn't be friends with the girl but by making it very difficult for her to do anything with the girl.  Always busy, can't spend the night because she has something to do, whatever.


I have also tried, like you have, to teach my daughter how to cope with toxic people in her life.  How to stand up for herself and how to not let people suck the life right out of you.


Anyone else had any experience with any of this.





My 14 year old girl had a toxic friend obsessed with hurting her. She destroyed some of my daughters friendships, belittled her, lied about her, physically choked her, & more. Thought best course was to end the friendship & keep the girl at arms length; but be polite. Of course the girl repeatedly tried to start conversations with my daughter. This worked for a while, then the girl started to behave erratically again. She was polite to my daughter one day, then ignored her the next. Next step was to completely disengage. My daughter cut her off, made new friends & is finally happy. School started again & this toxic "friend" has obviously gotten hint that my daughter wants nothing to do with her, so now she has been trying to form friendships with my daughters friends. Pulls them away from my daughter when they talk to her. My daughter just can't seem to escape this person. At our wits end with this. What can we do?

PS: How do you create a new post, rather than a comment? Thank you!