I am struggling with my 17 yr old who has been grounded about 6 or more times over the last 8 months because she gets caught lying to be with a boy. This boy dropped out of high school and went a drug/alcohol school, has no job, had his driver's license taken away, lies, etc... He bothered another girl about 4 years ago and almost got a restraining order. At first, we tried to tell her not to see him. That did not work. Finally, about three months ago we took her to counseling & decided that she was allowed to see him on our terms -- he had to follow our house rules (he needed to come to the house, with our curfew, etc.) She agreed -- but just last week she lied to us about where she was staying for the night & she was with him. Now she is grounded AGAIN (the only time in her whole life she has been grounded is because she does not say no to this boy and has been the only time she lies to us).
Last time, her consequences were that she has no cell phone, no computer use, no car, and cannot go out for 2 weeks. Now, it is longer & we have set more severe consequences if the lies do not stop. The problem is not that she is seeing him, but she is lying about it. Also, now she is totally not talking to us and barely to the counselor -- she just sits there and does not talk at all. She does not tell us what she expects or does not say ANYTHING. She just goes along with the punishment with a blank stare.
I am worried that there is something deeper going on. Please help me to know how to get her to communicate so we can deal with this issue. Thanks