Son is Punk/Anarchist.
07/12/2007 at 04:32 AM

My son is 15, and he has believed in a political view called "Anarchy" for six years now. He's a punk, you know those people who have mohawks, combat boots, ripped jeans, tattoos, chains ect...

He spraypaints anarchy symbols (An 'A' with a circle around it) all over the outside and inside of the house with black and red spraypaint. He listens to his music so loud that it can be heard from over a quarter of a mile away. The cops have been called on us dozens of times for having it too loud.

He doesn't go to school, he doesn't talk to me, and he is barely ever home before 2-3 AM.

I've tried EVERYTHING. I think that if I can't find a way to get him off this track that he'll end up dead.

PLEASE HELP!

Hey PunkersMom,

 

Welcome to the boards.  I think that you have to make him have consquences for these actions.  If his music is loud enough for the cops to be called then I would take away his stereo.  If he spraypainted my house he would pay to fix the damage.  Also, he wouldn't be out all night either.  You have to make it so hard on him if he doesn't follow the rules that it is just easier to follow the rules.

 

I would like to say that just being punk is not a bad thing.  My brother was punk when he was that age but he didn't destroy property or have the police called to our house.  If your son would express himself without breaking the rules or the law then it wouldn't be a big deal.

 

Marti

 

http://www.familyeducation.com/home/

cid
1024

Thank you, Host Marti, for the response. But I have tried everything, as I said before. If I take his sterio, he simply gets(Steals?) another one.
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I asked him about destroying property. He said that he was an anarchist. Against ALL authority.
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I had him write down for me what, exactly, he believes as an essay. He happily did, to spread the word of Anarchy(he said)...
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"Anarchy
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Anarchy is the belief that the government has gone corrupt. Teens, like myself, have no way to fight it other than cause as much chaos as possible. I say that all authority is bad because it helps the system and stops the chaos.
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Without people like me, the world wouldn't progress. The Government isn't run by polotics, it's run by the rich. We live in a ***king plutocracy. There is no freedom unless it is ALL citizens are free to choose who is in office.
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I don't want socialism. Socialism is close to this, except the people don't choose who's in office. I hate the rich. But if anarchists were in charge, the rich would have no say in what happens.
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We NEED police. Yes. But we don't need these laws that restrict men so much that it's a crime to pray in school. I'm not a christian. No. But I believe all men and woman should be able to do what they believe in(To a point), and tell others of their beliefs.
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Did you know that there were two american revolutions? Yeah. Go to http://hermes-press.com/completing.htm. Read the WHOLE thing.
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I believe in anarchy, and I intend to do everything I can to stop the capitalism that is occuring in our country.
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I want REAL freedom.
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I want REAL happiness.
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I want ANARCHY."

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It looks like a well-founded belief. After reading this I think my only solution is to try and limit his actions as a peer, not a mom.

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Please respond, I am still in need of help...

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~PunkersMom

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(PS: He was reading over my shoulder, and he told me to say that any punk who didn't hate authority is a poser. I told him I would because I want to see if agreeing with him will make him do less destructive things around the house...So no offense)

cid
1028

I come from a similar background as your son, so I have a good idea of where he's coming from. First off, you did the right thing by asking him to explain his beliefs. No offense to Marti, but tough love simply won't work in this case. If he is as hardcore as he makes himself out to be, and you follow that advice, you very well might have a runaway on your hands. I have known a number of train-hopping kids and gutterpunk runaways in my day.


You need to play the game his way. He has some of the information about anarchy correct, but not all. Anarchy is the absence of subservience and domination between people - hence the anti-authoritarian and anti-wealthy  views. It is not about pure chaos and destruction though. Anarchy is built on the respect of each person as an individual. Without respect, we only have hatred and intolerance, which leads to the persecution of others, and full-circle back to dominance.


First, you will need to tell him that you will respect his beliefs, whether you believe in them or not. You have to mean it though. Second, tell him that you expect the same respect as an individual in return. This means that he will not vandalize your house, or disturb the neighbors around your house. By doing these things, he is only creating a negative image and damaging his own cause. If he truly wants to change America, he should get involved in activist groups, local politics, or even contribute to progressive blogs.


I hope some of this can be of help to you.

cid
1032

Hey Punkersmom,

 

You can tell your son that I understand anarchy very well.  My husband teaches politics, economics, government---we talk all the time about the different styes including Anarchy.

 

My brother was an anarchist too.  He did hate authority and he rebelled against authority but not in a self-destructive way.  Being against authority doesn't equal destroying property.  See it does nothing to change society and the government to spray paint private property.  Or to play your music so loudly that you have to have the cops called.  And again, I go back to responsibility.  My mother always told me that she wanted me to be strong in my beliefs and that she would support my right to fight for those rights.  But, that I would have to take the consquences for my actions and beliefs. Going something like this:  I love you and I support you but the consquence for destroying property is that the police are called and it is dealt with at that level.

 

If he wants to make a difference in the world and how it is run, then great, he should try.  But the best way to do that is not to turn music up loud or spraypaint.  Get involved in real ways to change goverment, get involved in something that will make a difference to your cause.  Try to change laws, try to working within the system to make it the system you want. Try to work for less government.  Work towards people have more freedom.   Nothing was ever changed in the world by people sitting around playing music and spraypainting private property.

 

If your school won't allow kids praying in the schools, then you and a group of kids get together to change that.  Have peaceful protest about  it.  Talk to the prinicipal about it. 

 

I would love to hear what things he wants to do to stop capitalism in this county---what are his ideas about how to change that idea.  Because loud music and spraypainting isn't going to do.

 

I am a big believer in natural consquences, if he steals a stereo then he must give it back, not just look at it that he won because he got another stereo.  If he continues to steal someone will have him arrested.  And the jailers will not care about his belief in anarchy at all.  He will not be free at all.

 

Plus, this is still your house and he should have to follow your rules because your house will not be run in Anarchy.

 

Anarchy has its place and is an interesting thing to study but what it isn't is an excuse to break the rules or the laws.  You can rebel against the government in ways that make a difference or you can rebel against the "government" by turning up your music and painting things.  I guess it matters if you really want to make a difference.  Or if you are just a poser trying on something for size and not really commit to making changes.  Making changes means meeting with people, it means writing letters and calling people.  It means working hard at something with a purpose, not just spraypainting to make mom or the neighbors mad.

 

Marti

 

http://www.familyeducation.com/home/

cid
1039

Thank you both for your input, I talked to my son and he has agreed that he will not spraypaint the house or play is music too loud anymore.



It's a start.

Thanks, again,
Punkersmom

cid
1044

Hey

 

I am glad your son agreed to try to follow the rules.  It is a start and good luck.  Please keep us posted on how things go.

 

Marti

 

http://www.familyeducation.com/home/

cid
1045

Personally, I think the idea of Anarchy is ridiculous. The set of rules he is rebelling against are the things that keep him fed and housed. For the most part, I find that "Anarchists" tend to be dumb kids who hear something that sounds cool and then repeat it over and over again.
I was a gutter punk for a few years, when I was seventeen to twenty and I don't really feel like he can shit talk the system until he's spent a few nights sleeping in a piss-smelling alley at thirty deegrees.

cid
1242

Hi,

My son is proclaimed anarchist for about 7 months now. He is into punk, wears the bum flaps, tight pants, mohawk to make libert spikes.  He however  until a week ago has stayed out of major trouble, a few episodes of drinking and smoking pot, but for the most was compliant but challenging. Last week I had him arrested because I found a gun in his room, him and some friends broke into an unoccupied house and stole guns and other stuff. Non of the kids had ever been in legal trouble before, for the most I think they were all fairly decent kids.

When I caught my son drinking earlier in the summer I told him that he did not have the right to cause chaos in the house. That I was concerned  and loved him but if he did not abide by the house rules we would have to look at alternative living arrangements. I didn't know what I meant but was pretty sure I would figure something out. 

When I was called by a court rep and asked if I wanted him back in the home, I told them not until he speaks to me and agrees to the  house hold rules. We had a meeting, I provided a reasonable list of houseuhold rules. He grudgingly agreed, I told him he had a choice, these rules, group or foster home. This past week has been the toughest of my life so far.  I am sort of glad he to caught and I am not sorry I had him arrested. I hope a long probabtion time will keep him straight, he is pretty scared.

I would suggest some tough love for your son as well.  Tell him you love him and are very worried about his choices but it also causes you a lot of grief and you don't want to hurt anymore. Provide him with a list of guidelines/expectations if he doesn't comply start calling the police and reporting curfew violations, search his room find drugs call the cops.  There are resources out there but it takes a lot of work to find them. 

Good Luck.

 

 

cid
1555