please help: daughter heartbroken - FamilyEducation
please help: daughter heartbroken
01/16/2008 at 17:40 PM

My daughter's boyfriend's mother made her son break up with my daughter. She claimed that they were too serious, when they are 14, and the only thing that ever happened between the two of them were small little kisses (and they were together for a year and 4 months). I do want to say that this mother has had some issues in the past few months (she had electric shock therapy for depression). She claims that my daughter was making her son sad, beacuse my daughter must be sad. What she can't understand is that treating a 14 year old boy as a 5 year old, like she does, is what is making him sad. The few times that I would see him with my daughter, or hear them while they were on the phone (though I could only hear my daughter's side of the conversation,  unlike his mother, who would pick up the phone and listen to their conversations), they were laughing and seemed so happy. They weren't just boyfriend and girlfriend, they were best friends. My daughter is heartbroken now-- she feels like a piece of her is gone, not because she lost her boyfriend, but because she lost her best friend. They aren't allowed (his mother's decision) to see or talk to eachother outside of school. I just don't know what to do to help her.

Help her by getting her heavily  involved in age-appropriate activities.  Sports, musical instrument or voice, drama, academic activities, community service, art classes.  She needs to develop her own sense of self, independent of a romantic relationship. 


She does plenty activites already that don't include him. It's just hard for her not to have someone her age to go to, beacuse the girls in her grade are very catty and have many cliques that she doesn't agree with. It's not that she feels she needs a romantic relationship, she just needs someone her own age that she can trust.


I was curious as th how the situation with your daughter turned out - now 2 years later. I want to help my my daughter,18. She has been going with a fellow for 10 months. (her first boyfriend) He now tells her he wants to be "single", but wants to stay friends with her. She believes that they are soulmates and he will eventually realize that and come back to her. In the meantime, she is aware of his chatting with other girls on Facebook, etc. and it breaks her heart. She tells me she is so lonely, as you said, losing her boyfriend and her best friend. Do you have any words of advice? Thank you. Jeanne