PARENTS: 15 year old alone in her room with her boyfriend? - FamilyEducation
PARENTS: 15 year old alone in her room with her boyfriend?
02/10/2011 at 23:32 PM

ok so heres the deal
im 15 and i want my mother to alow me and my boyfrined in my room together.
i know what you're thinking. omg you're going to have sex!
my and my boyfriend have been together a year and really truly care for eachother. he is very respectful of my wishes and morals.
we havent seen eachother for about 8 months now because i used to live in ohio but now live in southern california. hes turning 18 in juneand is moving out here to be with me. WE STARTED DATING WHEN HE WAS 16! there is only a 2 and 1/2 age difference.
we have not had sex and honestly i dont want to untill im at least 18. so my goal of letting my boyfriend in my room is not to get laid. and your prolly wondering if it is illegal for us to date and no it isnt we just cant have sex.
we want to be in my room to ...
1-give us a tad bit of privacy
2-get away from my parents here and there
3-listen to music ( only radioin the house is in my room)
i understand that there must be rules and i respect that i dont care if they want the door open infact im all for it. they have raised me up to know right from wrong. and yes i have made some mistakes but i learned from them and i really dont want to ruin my relationship with me and my boyfriend
my problem is my parents will not let me do this!
i understand that they are scared we will have sex.
on the other hand i think they need to trust us a little more than that and realize that i do know right from wrong and that i have morals.
he also wants to wait in fear that doing it will make us move too fast and will ruin our relasionship.
i just want some help to help me convince them to let me do this. its not like we havnt been alone before. before i moved we were alone all the time in public, but where i lived public was a deserted feild so what is the difference of letting us be in a room with the door open?

Sorry, your parents are correct.

Two and a half years is a huge difference when you're talking about the difference between 15 and 18. Even if I agreed with you and thought your mother is being unreasonable(which she is not)it is still her home, and she makes the rules. In a few years when you have a job, a place of your own, and pay your own bills, you can then make your own rules. Until then, just enjoy being a kid, it doesnt last much longer.

Your post title says "alone in her room". You live in your parents home, so it is their room. Until you live in your own home, it is not your room and your parents rules prevail. You will thank them when you are an adult.

1) its your room if she respects you as a young adult. yes legally its your moms but if she wants you to be a well adjusted adult she needs to respect your right to develop a sense of control of at least your own room 2xstepmom's and SnglDad's authoritarian role based comprehension of interpersonal relationships probably explains why their own failed at some point. wake up people! early teens, 200 years ago could sign contracts and own land(well the guys). now the girls can own land but neither of us can even decide when to wipe our asses until 18,21 sometimes 25. grouping 15-21 in with tweens or children is not a good thing. it only creates adult children. 2) consider starting the pill or shot. Even if you dont intend it; it can happen. use a condom and or plan B and you will be safer than 90% of the however olds(at that time). the pill will give you regular periods. being on it doesn't have to be because you want to have sex, but it wont hurt if you are and do.

John 06--refreshing perspective! I am particularly interested in the assertion that treating 15-21 year olds like children creates adult children. Could you expand on that?

Both of my children have thanked me many times for the rules that were established for them as children. Treating childern like adults robs them of their childhoods. My now 33 y/o son chose not to have a serious relationship until he was nearly 20, he has been married for 8 1/2 years, did not have a child until he was nearly 32 and has a Master's degree. My 27 y/o daughter is in college and has no children. Clearly this shows successful parenting and my ability to reply to the issues raised in this post. Saying that a 15 y/o deserves to be treated like an adult would be irresponsible.

I keep way over shooting the character limit in my own words/experiences so instead of spam the board with complex theory condensed into 1000 characters check scholarly articles for "authoritarian partnering and low self worth/esteem" there is a good correlation... which doesn’t imply(or deny) causation but it’s a pretty serious chance to gamble with even if its 50% as bad as indicated. also see schizotypal disorder (the causes can be rigid formal, authoritarian parenting) and borderline personality disorder (later are moderate to extreme cases)… another phrase to check is “raising healthy individuals”

maslow's hierarchy is a good list for what a self actualized adult needs. many explanations available on Google. I know another shrink did a table of developmental needs but my book is on loan to a friend and its been a few years since that class but the consequences of failure were covered pretty intensely for a basic class. if you impose your own fears of what your child can and cant do and let it override what they believe they are ready to handle once they are at the stage they start thinking for themselves this creates a mistrust of parents because the teen sees when they get it wrong but parents are not always willing to admit wrong and cover with phrases like "my house" teens arnt always right but denying their right to have the issue explained on a rational level keeps them dependent.

they cant learn ration and are reliant on the parents arbitrary ration many times based on fear of bad things happening to their little kid. off the top of my head no way fully balanced or coherent statement, but check it out for yourself or if you want to listen argue or debate ideas we can find a better medium I apologize for the lack of punctuation im seeing in the above. wrote it kind of quick and was more worried about not taking too many posts.

in your opinion and some 15y/os shouldn't be. i know some 30 year olds who shouldn't be and am young enough to remember the last time i had a friends that age. some could be put into an apartment and school/work and do fine. others would have faired like the un employed 30year old. point is black and white parenting has black and white consequences. denying its ever wrong or can be too much is just as much a logical fallacy as saying all 15year olds can handle adult hood. it also robs children of their child hood to expect them to be workaholics/meet all your demands at the cost of self actualization and building trust in their own abilities.... tapered authority with evaluation of individual teens abilities and bias in observers observations. history doesn't state that empires fell apart because 13y/os could once own property and sign contracts.

These were my children's main rules when they were teens: No drinking, smoking, or drugs, Tell the truth, Do your best in school, Be where you say you are going to be and let a parent know if plans change, No opposite sex in home unless adult present and no opposite sex in bedroom, ever. Just showed this thread to my 27 y/o daughter, who said many of her peers did have authoritarian parents whose many arbitrary rules and regulations caused these peers to rebel. Many engaged in risky behaviors, became pregnant and/or made other decisions to jeopardize their health, safety and futures. And, she once again thanked me for always having her best interests and wellbeing in mind. There is a huge difference between authoritative parenting: raising a child with unconditional love and rules and boundaries that are discussed and explained, and being an authoritarian parent. You seem to have the two confused.

Jamie1212, would you describe your parents as authoritarian parents--do they lay down the law with no opportunity for discussion and without sharing their reasoning for different rules?

John, your kids are very lucky to have a father such as yourself. Please share with us how you handled this type of situation with your children.

2Xstepmom, well said.

At fifteen no responsible parent is going to allow you to be alone with a boyfriend in a bedroom. The issue is not so much about trust but about protection. One of the main role of a parent is to protect their child. You mention wanting to wait until your 18 to have sex. the risk of STDs and teen pregnancy is still a big issue. Can you or your boyfriend who by that time he'll be 21 take on the responsibility of a child? Even on birth control people have been known to get pregnant. Relationship are difficult and can be an emotional roller coaster, sex just complicates things.What is this urgent need to be alone if you aren't going to be doing anything, just enjoy having your boyfriend with you.

Besides, do you really think that all of the teenagers who get pregnant every year are people who think . . . "I am the kind of person who will get too involved in the situation and go too far." ? Nope, they mostly thought of themselves as sensible people with good morals. They were sensible people with good morals who were also teenagers who didn't avoid the situation.

Well, I have to say my parents allowed my boyfriend in my room at 15. There were some very strict rules, He was not to be there when my parents were not home (or older sister she's 8 years older), and the door had to be left open at all times. My mother would pop in sporadically and check on us so there was no possible way of things "going to far" you just never knew when she would show up. But other peole are right sometimes you don't intend for it to happen and it does. So be safe and be smart.

I agre with you:-)

Don't worry I feel the same way I'm 14 going on 15 in two months and I want to live with my bf he's 13 and we've been together for half a year and 2 months and we love each other to death it's just my parents are so strict on what I can and can't do if I want to hang with my bf I should be able to its none of anybody's buisness what me and my be do it really bugs me anyway I know how u feel can't wait to move out wen I'm 16