Parent(adult)Bullying?????(bare w/me, it's long)
01/11/2012 at 23:27 PM

My daughter is 16 and in the marching band. he first year in band, there were a few guys who had crushes on dd. She is friendly with them, but does not want a boyfriend (thank you, God!) I've met the boys, they come over our house and they are nice kids. Okay, so, this past summer at band camp, I guess a parent overheard the two boys talking about liking dd and how she won't date them. The parent said "Oh, I see that dd and her friend are still the same B*****'s from last summer. Don't get involved with them, they're just teases."
After she told me this, I was understandably P'O'ed. She asked me not to say anything because last year another kid had a problem and when the parents complained, the other kids were horrible to her. I thought I was just going to let it pass, as long as there were no other incidences. That was 6 months ago. Well, over Xmas break the band went to Florida to play at the outback bowl for halftime. After they got to the hotel and in their rooms, the girls took showers and there was a meeting they were supposed to be at and a mom came to their room and told them they were late. They missed 10 minutes of the meeting. When they walked in, one of the moms went over to them and loudly said. "How is it that you can't get to the meeting on time? Everyone knew about the meeting and you two think your so important that you can come in anytime? Now you are not going to know what to do and where to be and will ruin the whole performance for everyone. If you make a mistake you will not be performing. We can do without you. As this mom was ranting at the girls, the band director was addressing everyone saying to please know where to be. The mom looked over at the girls and said "GIRLS!!!!"Do YOU know where you're supposed to be?"
Okay, so that's the story and I am furious. I am not one of those moms who think my daughter isn't capable of screwing up. My daughter said they didn't hear the anouncement and I told her that was on her, she should have payed closer attention. BUt the lady who yelled at and embarrassed the girls is the wife of the Dad who called them B's.
I want to calm down before deciding how to handle this. What makes this even more annoying is that these parents are "christians" and make it a point that everyone knows it. I feel their behavior is very unchristian like, but that isn't the point, I know.
I thought maybe to send the parents an email and thought it not a good idea. I am so furious that I can't think straight, so I'm asking advice. It's just one of those things where I don't want to act on my anger.
Anyone have to deal with anything like this? How did you work it out?
If not, how do you think you would handle it if it happened with any of your daughters?
****my dd just told me that when they were on the bus, the kid of the parents walked by and said "WOW, I wish I could be cool like you two" , oh, and another thing I just learned......the dad with the big mouth is also the president of the moms and dads club....!!!!

The Case for Ritalin
Ritalin, which is a brand name for methylphenidate, is an amphetamine type drug which is used to treat ADHD [Attention Defecit Hyperactivity Disorder]. The main characteristics of ADHD include an inability to concentrate, impulsivity and over-activity. Ritalin works on the neurotransmitters in the brain to produce dopamine, which in appropriate levels, helps to control some of the impulsivity and hyperactivity found in children with this disorder. Brain scans can show the difference between brain patterns in a ‘normal’ child and those in a child who has ADHD. They can also highlight the difference in the brain waves when Ritalin has been administered to the latter child. They show that the child is more focused so the drug works.


The fact that Ritalin is categorised as a Class B drug and used to medicate children is a cause for concern, of course, but would there be the same level of concern if it was found to be the best treatment for a more physical disorder? ADHD may not be life threatening, but it can have far reaching effects for the child and the child’s entire family. It causes major disruption in the child’s class at school and can alienate the whole family as people can find the disorder difficult to comprehend. The use of Ritalin in children has been branded as ‘child abuse’ by some specialists, yet they can offer nothing more practical or effective.


Another cause for concern is how many side effects there could be from taking Ritalin. There are possible side-effects with all medicines whether they are prescribed by your doctor or over the counter remedies. How many times have you read the leaflet which is enclosed with your prescription only to find a great list of possible side effects and wonder if suffering your ailment is preferable to the risk of those side effects? All children who are prescribed Ritalin are subject to regular health screening, which include weight, blood pressure and blood tests. They also get other kinds of counselling which may include psychiatric or psychological support. The child may be in special education or receiving some learning support at school.


It is argued that the drug is used as a kind of medicinal cosh which turns the children into compliant ‘zombies’. I have wide personal experience of working with children who take Ritalin and did not see this ‘zombie’ effect. Additionally, it is claimed that because the children are rendered thus subdued, they lose their creativity and imagination. Famous people such as Einstein and Winston Churchill are cited as most probably having had ADHD and we are asked to consider if they would have achieved so much if they had taken Ritalin. I would ask you to consider how much more they could have achieved had they had this help to keep them more focused.


The best way for me to illustrate the benefits of Ritalin is by telling you two short case histories. The boys documented are brothers.
Brother A was born in 1976. When he was very young, his behaviour at home and later at nursery, was giving cause for concern. He became uncontrollable. When he started school, he couldn’t cope and many discussions ensued between parents, school and outside agencies such as Educational Psychologists. All their strategies were considered and tried out but never worked very well or for very long. The child was eventually enrolled into a special school. This school was specifically for children who had some kind of behavioural problem which the education system couldn’t cope with.


He left school at sixteen, with little ability for even the basics, such as reading and writing, let alone any social skills. He was eventually diagnosed as having ADHD, but that came too late and he has spent his life since then drifting along doing odd jobs and cleaning work. He has a severe lack of confidence and will not seek or accept further help. He has very few friends and a limited social life.


Brother B was born in 1989. This child started presenting with odd behaviour when he was only weeks old. As he developed, his behaviour became more and more uncontrollable and unacceptable. Nursery was very difficult for him and school was impossible. He was continually excluded in his first term in primary one and any time he was allowed in the building, it was to sit outside in the corridor or inside his headmistress’ office. He was withdrawn from school before primary two and given an hour a day home tutoring. Eventually, after an accident, he was seen by a psychiatrist at the hospital. He was then assessed, diagnosed as having ADHD and Asperger’s Syndrome, and prescribed Ritalin.


Ritalin changed his life dramatically. He was suddenly able to concentrate and focus on what was going on around him. He resumed mainstream education, and although had missed out on two years ‘proper’ schooling, he was keeping up with his peers. He was enjoying school and all his reports were good. The difference was clearly visible in things like his handwriting, which suddenly became legible. He stayed on at school and did sixth year followed by two years at college. He is happy and has a good social life with a good group of friends.


Consider the quality of life these two brothers had. What if the older boy had been given the advantages Ritalin has to offer? How much richer would his life have been? I know that it would have changed his life, and those of so many children destined to bleak futures. I know because I am the mother of those two boys and every day I live with the regret that my older son was not given this chance in life.
Ritalin works!


Have to disagree with you there lovelife. Not all children can be helped with counselling and strict routine alone. Some do need extra help and I will never regret my son having Concerta. He is now 23 and doing very well, unlike his 36 year old brother who never had it. I am glad you managed to help your child however. If you get the chance, look up the thread entitled 'I have a 6 year old out of control'


Littlekingdomch, that is a vast assumption. Of course some of the symptoms sound like ADHD. I have had two sons with that condition, but people are so ready to blame any bad behaviour on that these days. Yes, most definitely get it checked out, but be prepared for a lot of hard work using various other strategies before going down the ADHD road