Obsessed with Daughters Relationship - FamilyEducation
Obsessed with Daughters Relationship
04/14/2010 at 20:39 PM

I have a beautiful 15 year old daughter (almost 16) who is very independent and the total opposite of me when it comes to self confidence. She is very sure of herself and doesn't seem to have a problem telling people exactly what she thinks.

At the end of the school year she met a young man (16) with whom she began a relationship immediately. She was going away for the summer but spent every waking minute with him until she left. The day we put her on the bus to camp, it was devastating for me and later found out was for him as well. He came back to our house and sat and cried because he was going to miss her so much.

During the summer, I went to visit my daughter and took him with me. We got along very well and developed a healthy adult/teen relationship. He was from a single family and didn't have much in life. Since we are fairly wealthy, I didnt seem to think that it would hurt to provide for him while he was with our family. He would go on weekend trips with us, spend most of his free time at our house and cottage as well.

During the time that they dated, he respected her fully. I could tell he was very much in love with her but to this day don't really know how she felt about him.

Suddenly out of nowhere this past February she broke up with him. She seemed confident that this was what she wanted to do but I was devastated. It has been almost two months and she will barely speak to him let alone look at him.

I became very close to this child and treated him as one of my own and this breakup has devastated me. I have tried searching on the web to see if anyone else has run into the same problem as I have. I am depressed, often cry and just seem to feel like I have lost a child.

I try so hard to convince her to give him another chance but she won't. She says she does not like him anymore and has no interest in dating him again.

The whole time they were together nothing took place other than a kiss goodnight or a peck or two when they were joking around. They told each other they loved one another every day and seemed to mean it.

He was devastated when they broke up and tried a few times to get a second chance but she said no way so he gave up.

He has since moved on, not with another girl, but has made it quite clear that he wants nothing to do with her anymore either but I am obsessed with trying to get them back together.

Its gotten so bad that I sign onto her msn and speak to him as if I'm her just to try and patch things up in hopes that one day they will get back together. I know this is crazy but I am so obsessed with trying to get them back together than it is ruining my life.

I can't sleep, am severely depressed and have even gone to see a psychiatrist but have never told him the truth behind my depression. I have suffered from it in the past and was on medication in the past but had not taken it until again until this happened. I now am taking anti-depressants which don't work and need sleeping pills just to go to bed so my mind won't race.

I think I'm going crazy and need advice on what to do about this. Please don't think that I am in love with this child as it is nothing like that. I just felt I could make a large impact in his life and was so happy to see someone who actually appreciated the things that others take for granted.

No one knows how I feel but I'm ready to explode. I often feel like I would like to just run away or go for some intense brain therapy if there is something like that to get this obsession out of my head.

Has anyone else been in this predicament before, and if so, could you please tell me if this is going to go away or how you dealt with it.

Thanks so much!

The only thing I have experienced that is at all similar was when my best friend moved away. She and I had been young mothers together and had supported each other through some difficult times. When she moved 1000 miles away, I went through the classic stages of grief. It sounds to me like you are stuck in the denial phase of grief. Sometimes it is harder to go through the death of an ideal than it is to go through the death of a person. Realize that you are grieving the loss of this relationship. It is hard. I'm so sorry.

Thank you so much for your perspective. I've often thought the same thing. I am pushing everyone away because I am so embarrassed by what I am feeling. My own dad passed away in October and I didn't grieve near as much as this probably because I know his loss is permanent yet I can't let go of this one because of the fact I see the child every day on his way to school and my heart breaks when he waves with a half hearted smile. I have another appt with someone next week but I don't even have the ability to tell him to what extent this has gotten. Thank you again. I appreciate the fact that I can get this out of my system with people who don't know me although I know I am a good person with a kind heart but feel extremely confused and embarrassed like I said previously.

I'm sorry you are upset. I wish I had some advice to give. I think it is great that you are seeing someone, but you should tell your psychiatrist/counselor the real reason behind your grief. They won't be able to help you as effectively if you are not honest. I know it may be hard, but you only get out of therapy what you put into it.

Be aware that some counselors dismiss your assessment of what the problem is. Some have been trained that clients ALWAYS mask the problem at the initial visit. This was very frustrating for me. I had taken a child in for counseling about abandonment/attachment issues, and the counselor gave assignments that treated for another issue for over 6 weeks. At that time, I asked how this treatment was supposed to help in abandonment problems. The next appointment we were given another assignment. Upon our report at the following appointment, the counselor and I were both so satisfied with our progress that that was the last appointment. Six weeks were wasted because the counselor had been trained to disregard my opinion.

I was thinking about your situation. You may be focusing on your grief over the teenager's relationship in order to avoid processing your grief for your father's death.

Agree with Sister83 and mayamay. Discuss this with your therapist and work on processing your feelings over your father's death. It is likely once you do that, you will be able to put this situation with your daughter's ex b/f into perspective. When my son and daughter were teens it was difficult at times for me to understand why they chose to cut off a previously very close relationship. I have remained close to a number of my children's ex boy and girl friends and their families, some I talk to often, though in a very up front manner. A good question might be why you feel the need to have your daughter and this young man "back together" and not just maintain a friendship with his family and him?

I myself am trying to figure this all out as well. Yours is a great question. I would love to see them maintain a friendship but at this time I don't think it's possible between the two of them. She is a very strong young woman who like I noted previously says it like it is and he can't process that without being sarcastic back. She is at the point now where she just ignores him and is moving on wanting another bf just so he will be out of the picture. I think this may be because of me. She wants me to move on as well and realize he's not what she wants. I know this but it's just the voices in my head that keep telling me differently. I will be talking to my therapist on Monday so hopefully I will come clean and tell him what the real underlying factors are. Thanks for your advice.

You can maintain a friendship with his family and him without your daughter doing so. I talk to many of my childrens's former friends with whom my children no longer have any relationship. This young man is likely the first of many former friends of your daughter. You need to learn to deal with this in a healthy manner and allow your daughter to move on.

My daughter kind of did the same thing that you are talking about in your story. She had been dating a boy for almost a year when all of a sudden, she decided to break up with him. This happened very abruptly and out of the blue. Her reasoning was because she thought he became boring and was too much of a "homebody". This boy was from a less fortunate household and his family was not quite "all there". He was a lovely and a wonderful guy and treated my daughter like gold. I also kind of became his second mother because the one he had was a fruitcake and he was very embarrassed by her. Needless to say, my daughter's heart fell in love with another boy who was more exciting, outgoing, funny, and more of a match to her personality and tastes. The new BF is from a great family who's background is similar to ours and he is definitely not a "homebody". He treats my daughter well and I can see why she likes him. I do miss the other boyfriend that she had though. He was more connected to me as a parent than this new BF will ever be. All I can say is that I had to just let it go and look after my daughter first and the relationship that she has with this new BF. I do sometimes compare the two boys and I do miss the other boys ability to connect and speak to adults in a much better way than this current BF can. I just have to remember that this is my daughter's life, not mine, and if she is treated well, the boy is smart, trustworthy, polite, kind, and comes from a good background.....I need to keep my feelings and comments to myself until something goes wrong. You need to address this issue you are having about the former BF and you need to move on. Not only for your sake but also because your daughter needs that to take place as well.

I'm so grateful to hear that someone else is grieving with the same insane problem. I know it't NOT normal, but i can't seem to help myself. I'm obssessed with this teenage relationship between my daughter and her ex-boyfriend. I have too gone on her aol to chat and help her repair this relationship because I feel sorry for HIM???? My daughter knows i do it too, because she says - I can't handle him anymore, you try and talk to him. I talk to him and fight with him, he thinks it's her and then she will read the conversation so that she's up to speed on what he said. HOW CAN THIS BE HAPPENING TO ME???? MOMSN please tell me your doing better. I searched google tonight to try and diagnosis my problem, and learned alot just by reading, but more work needs to be done. Please help!

Wow, I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time w/ this situation. In all reality, however, I think you need to back off and stay out of it. Your daughter had her reason(s) for breaking up w/ this guy, and hopefully when she's ready to talk about it, she'll come to you. There will be other boyfriends. Your daughter is just a teenager. Do you really want her to only commit to this one relationship and not experience other relationships w/ different people? Give your daughter the opportunity to get out and socialize. Let her decide who she likes. As long as the guy is respectful and kind and your daughter is happy, you shld be happy too. I think more than this, you need to look into why you latch onto and get obsessed w/ such things. If you cld get to the root of the issue, then maybe you can better address it. Also, if you seek therapy, be honest w/ yourself and w/ the dr. If you're not honest, how can you expect to get help? Try to focus on being there to support your daughter, and also work on helping yourself overcome your grief. I wld stop conversating w/ the ex-BF b/c your misleading him and interfering w/ something that is over and done w/. Accept things for what they are and move on.

Great advice!

I feel so much better to hear im not the only one. My daughter is only 13 though and this is crazy i know. I do the same things...she was so happy to date this young man a few months ago and now all she wants to do is talk to other boys. This boy comes from a great family, similar background. i know my daughter will date so many others but i feel she is not treating this boy the right way. i am trying to teach her how to be a good girlfriend and respect and love who you are with and remain with only one person at a time. My husband and i have a healthy relationship and are very happy but when it comes to my daughters life i want to control all of it. i know i should not have agreed to let her date at a young age, but at the time she seemed matured enough and it seemed harmless. i too talk to this boy for her when she is so busy with other friends and activities...she knows and i fill her in on the conversations. i have my own life and career but since have been so interested in her life...its starting to drive me crazy. i cry all the time...i recently lost my father and i also feel guilty about my own past relationships from a very young age. its almost like i am trying to live my old life through my daughter...this is so sad.

I think that acknowledging problems is a great first step. What are you thinking about doing so that you can change from this slightly nutty behavior to being a better mom for your daughter?

You are right, your 13 y/o is way too young to be dating. She is doing what she should be doing at 13, talking to boys. You should consider getting help to work through your grief and allow your daughter to live her own life, without this interference from you. You do not want her to feel the same guilt about her past relationships when she is older.

Well I'm glad I found this site because, I too, am hearbroken over my daughter and her boyfriend breaking up. He initiated the breakup after they had been discussing doing so on and off after she had to move home for school. They shared an apartment for a year and had been dating for 2 years but knew each other before that. They didn't get to spend a lot of time together after she moved out because of school/work and he's also in a band. I think all of this contributed to the break-up. I had a connection with this boy that I cannot break. Even my cranky husband liked him. He went on a couple of vacations with us and visited often and I cared about him like he was my son. The day they broke up he came to our house and it was so emotional - he gave me this big hug and thanked me for everything but he was crying. My daughter was devastated and for 2 weeks she barely ate and lost weight but finally recovered after talking to a school counselor. (He was her first serious relationship.) They had talked on and off a couple of times in the month or so after and she had seen him because they have mutual friends and whenever he did, he'd always sit right next to her, etc. Since then, he said he realized he made a huge mistake and had been trying to win my daughter back for 5 months. He also said he wanted "his family" back. My daughter really wants to maintain a friendship with him and she told me she'd rather have him as a friend than nothing at all but he isn't able to to do that right now. She started seeing someone else about six weeks after the breakup and he's nice and treats her well but this new guy is a much different personality than the former boyfriend and I don't see the same connection between them. I don't feel like there's any passion - it's like they're too similar or something. With her former boyfriend, they seemed so right for each other and would always be giggling together and he was very affectionate and protective of her. They did have squabbles now and then but it was never anything huge. The relationship had passion which this new one does not. The new guy is passive in comparison and I actually worry about her if they travel outside the country because I don't feel like he'd be able to protect her if something happened. Anyway, I do keep in touch with the former boyfriend via texting on occasion and he said he always wants to be friends which I'm happy about. I respect his privacy and don't contact him often but miss him so much. Honestly, he felt like he belonged in our lives. At one point, she had been texting back and forth with him, I think trying to maintain the friendship she wanted and confided to me that she had been thinking about trying it again with him (or at least that's what she told me). The former got upset with her because he isn't able to have a friendly relationship since he's still in love with her. Now they aren't talking again but I believe she still has feelings for him. I keep hoping she'll acknowledge these feelings at some point to determine for certain whether he is right for her or not.

Hi I have done this before, once when my daughter was only 13 and I became obsessed with her being with this boy who was crazy about her. Now my daughter is 17, and just broke up with her boyfriend of almost 2 years. I really liked him , he was a family member and like a son, Part of me wanted this breakup because she is so young still and they were so serious. But now the thought of him with another girl is so hard to imagine. I think I cannot believe he would replace my daughter with some one else. I think we all want to see our kids loved and have some one who thinks they are great, etc. I can relate completely, and I too wish I could be more normal and not be so overwhelmed with this. I have a therapist and she is great, I always feel better after I see her but I slide back easily. Maybe if my daughter finds someone else who is great and she is happy I will feel better.

I have a 16 year old daughter that is in her first serious relationship. The problem is, she is still in the relationship and I have become obsessed with keeping them together. They have been dating about 6 months and this boy could not be sweeter and nicer to her. We really like him and his family. They have no problems at all between them, see each other at school and have fun when they are together. However, they spend more time texting each other than actually being together. They are both super busy with in school and after school activities and sometimes go weeks without being together (such as watching a movie, hanging out with friends) due to schedules. I know this is 100% perfectly normal for busy kids and I should be happy that they have sports and school interests, but I just worry non-stop (and I mean non stop) that they will break up from not actually being with each other. Other moms comment how lucky I am that the BF or GF is not constantly around for kids this young! I check our online cell phone accounts all the time to be sure they are still texting each other! I look at their Facebook walls everyday! I have gone nuts about this relationship and do not know what to do to stop. I am a college educated, happily married mom with a great life and great children!! When I ask my daughter about their relationship, she says they are perfectly happy and both understand that they are busy and get together when they can. If I suggest her boyfriend come over on an evening or day I know they are not busy, she gets very upset and says this is her relationship. I know I should let go (especially since both of them seem happy!), but I cannot get the thought of both of them out of my head. I am always looking at the calendar and suggesting dates to her when she could possibly see him instead of just texting him. I know this makes her very upset but I keep doing it. I guess I am so used to the old fashion way of actually "seeing each other" as the way to date and not 10 minutes at school each day and texting as the grounds of a relationship. Does anyone have any suggestions to clear my head of this? It has taken over my life and the ridiculous thing is..they are together!!! They are going to the Fall Ball at the high school in two weeks and both are excited and planning dinner here at my home before. Why do I feel I need to basically stalk this relationship and know everything that is going on and want to see this boy more with my daughter if he is her "boyfriend"??? Any help for a normally rational, fun-loving mom would be great. And yes, this is my oldest child and the first true "boyfriend" that has been around!

I am going through nearly the same thing. I stumbled upon this site, looking to find out if other moms have this issue. I am so embarrassed about this, and I can't talk to anyone about it. My daughter's boyfriend recently broke up with her. He was a very nice young man, very respectful, and they were both only 14 years old. So it was very difficult for me to even let my daughter 'date' him. But after meeting his family, him, finding out we were from very similar backgrounds, all parents decided we would allow this. They always had chaperoned visits, and had rules that they had to follow....such as no kissing. They respected the rules. Well, I spent a lot of time with this young man and his family, and well, I am just devasted about the break up. I want so badly to let it go, but it seems like I can't. They would text each other from the time they woke up until they went to bed. My daughter was so happy with this young man, but both would become extremely jeolous over other people...that was part of the problem. So, in a way the break up was a good thing, BUT, the young men then started dating another girl within 2 weeks of the breakup. This has really disappointed me, as they seemed to care for each other so much. My daughter is moving on, but I don't seem to be able to. I constantly check thier facebook pages to see if they are communicating at all...and they aren't. They were the best of friends before dating, and while they were dating. In fact, they were best friends for at least 4 months before they dated...So, I have been use to seeing my daughter text him all day long for nearly a year. Now, it seems so quiet, and although she is texting to others, its simply not the same. Her face always lit up when she was texting this young man. It's hard for me to see the change in her behavior and agree with it. It's weird, but I cried for nearly 3 days when she started dating the young man (because I didn't want her to, but knew she would probably do it behind my back anyway)...and NOW I have been sad, depressed, and crying since the breakup!!! I became so attached to this young man, and how happy he made my daughter. I wonder, at times, if I am missing seeing that spark in my daughter or if I am mourning my own teenage years and past heartbreaks. I do know this, I HATE the way I feel, and what I seem to becoming. I never thought that something like this would happen to me. I feel like I am grieving so badly. This has got to stop. I really want to be normal and really want my life back! Help if you can!

I am so glad I found this! I seem to be obsessed with my 15yr old daughter's relationship--just as others are with their daughter's. This is her 1st "real" boyfriend and I really like him. He is perfect for her. She didnt even know who he was at school...he saw her and then just chased after her. She realized she liked him and now they are together. He is very affectionate and complimentary to her etc..he even tells her he thinks he is falling in love with her. They have been together a month or so. He was so into txtg her and talking to her constantly in the beginning. Now he seems like he doesnt want to as much. She worries about it and gets upset which in turn gets me upset. I check the phone log to see if he has contacted her or not daily. IT drieves me insane. I check his FBook as well. I feel stupid..but I dont want my daughter taken advantage of :/ I guess Im just so afraid of him hurting her and I try to advise her on what to do to keep him and not let him run over her at the same time. She gets mad at me at times. I dont want to impose my views on her and I want her to handle it herself...but its so hard to stand by and not say anything. I just dont understand why he would be so overly attentive with the txtg/calling and then just back off so much??? I really like him and would be really upset myself if they broke up--as I know my daughter woudl be too. Whats wrong with me and why do I care so much..I know others will like her. I jsut want her to be with him. I just feel he is a perfect fit for her. What should I do from this point? How can I be the mom she needs and still help her with her realtionship if I cant stop obsessing??

Thank God. Thought I was only one. Daughter broke up w/great guy she dated sr. year. Would have been a year today but it was on again/off again when they left to attend different colleges last fall. Constant fighting. Long distance killed them. Tried to get back together over xmas but he broke it off after they went back. This is consuming me. Checking FB & phone logs several times a day. Making myself sick but can't stop. Both great kids & very passionate relationship. Maybe I am envious, idk. She is devastated but trying to stay busy/move on. I am not so lucky. Eating at me like a cancer. I hate what I am doing but can't stop. Get facebook updates whenever he makes new friend & it pains me. You would think I am the gf. Please help! I can't stand my own thoughts anymore!

That there are other people who have the same disorder as you do is probably comforting, but don't be tricked into thinking it is normal. It is not. If you can't re-direct your energy and attend to things that are more appropriate, you need to see a therapist. If it is an anxiety disorder, which is what it seems like to me, then psychologist' interventions have a high success rate.

I feel better knowing that I'm not the only "crazy" mom. My daughter has been dating the same boy for over 4 years (since she was 11) and she recently broke up with him. I felt like I had lost a child. I lost almost 10 pounds in four days. I was absolutely devastated. I literally felt like I was going to die. I only found relief when I found out that they were talking and possibly reconciling. I feel horrible because my over involvement and irrational attachment to her relationship has caused problems in our relationship. I know in my head that my behavior is wrong but I feel so strongly that they belong together that I can't help myself. ANy suggestions?

Is your mother living? Start a casual conversation about the relationships you had at age 15. It might help you get some perspective.

I agree with GirlsMom & I believe alot of the problem is the boys have little family support & our maternal instinct.I believe we are experiencing grief.My daughter had a relationship for almost at year. We took him in and treated him like family, he had a sorry mother that didn't raise him and a sorry step-mother treats him like trash.Kid played all sports to stay away from home,worked weekends to pay car insurance, stayed out of trouble.I had told him his education was his way out.I believe it all boils down to getting to attached & having a good heart, trying to encourage the young& help lead them down the right path. I considered him mine. BUT he wasn't mine. GRIEF is the problem,he wants her back & I believe he fully understands love now but too late. I have really tried to accept they will not get back together but I really believe the depression is coming from GRIEF, lose of a loved one, he was like my child.

I am so glad to hear that other moms are obsessed with their 16 yr old daughters relationship. My daughter has been dating this wonderful boy for 4 months now and I am so worried the relationship is going to end. I get way to involved and my daughter gets so mad at me for doing so. They talk to each other and make plans for the future and say I Love You to each other, I just would really like to see them make it work. I am going crazy!!! I really think I need see a counselor. Maybe it's because I dated the same guy for almost 4 years in school and we broke up our senior year and I don't want to see that happen to her. I also google the situation only to try and convince myself I'm not crazy


I am obsessed with my daughter and her boyfriend. they love each other and i talk to him about getting back with her and vice versa. I've cried because i want them back together. They both want each other and both love each other, but both are afraid to get hurt again. I understand them, but I want them togehter. I feel crazy, and really relate to your story. I dont know if this will go away or not. Maybe I'm comparing my past with my daughters current situation.

Oh. My. Goodness. This post and its replies made me weep. I, too, am in horrific pain over my daughter and her ex-boyfriend's breakup. She fell for him the moment she met him the last day of 7th grade (June 2008), and practically obsessed over him until they became friends. Then they became best friends. Then, the Summer of 2009, he realized how he felt about her, and he was so shy that he waited until December 2009 to ask her to be his. She was his first everything: first touch, first kiss, etc. They dated ("officially") for 13 months and 10 days, and then he broke up with her (January 2011). She was the "strong" one, the charismatic, outgoing one. He was shy and sweet. He adored her, and he was her dream come true. All of their friends thought they would be the full-fledged, 4-year high school romance, and beyond. They were simply the most special couple, and beautiful together. (more to come)

The month they celebrated their 1-year dating anniversary, we noticed him starting to change. He was struggling with his folks' divorce (a rather nasty one), and started to shut down a bit. They started arguing a bit more, etc. Looking back, we can see the signs that we could not see at the time (hindsight is always 20/20). When he broke it off, he said he wished they could go back to the happy time when they were the best of friends and life was good (i.e., pre parents separation... which my husband and I joined in October 2010 after almost 25 years of marriage). He said he wanted to be best friends again. She barely made it through the night that he broke up. I was a mess, as I loved and treated this young man like a son. I was around them a lot, and WAY too involved emotionally. They were my "happy place," and I admit that I was too involved in their relationship and became (and still am) obsessed with them. There's so much more to the story, believe me. (more to come)

Today would have been their 21-month dating anniversary, and it has been almost 8 months since he broke up. I am still devastated. I still cry every single day and night, sometimes weeping because I don't understand how he fell out of love with her and how he could act like they never existed. He has changed dramatically, from that shy, sweet young man to "Mr. Popular" who has girls ALL OVER HIM wanting to be with him. He seems to have entirely forgotten how much he loved my daughter, and he doesn't appear at all to cherish the memory of their relationship. They became quite close physically the last few months of dating (though they never did go all the way, it was very, very close one evening), and I still cry because (and I know this sounds crazy) they were supposed to be each other's first. I can't believe I'm even saying that, since I (and she) always believed in staying pure until marriage. I cannot seem to let go of them. (more to come)

I've been separated for 11 months now and my divorce should be final in the next few months. I believe I am holding on to them partly because my own fairy tale is ending. But I truly do miss them and what they had, and how much they loved each other. Why did I think they would/could last forever, especially at their age? That's simply crazy. But I can't seem to move past them, for some reason. He hasn't had a girlfriend since her, and she just in the last couple of weeks has the first "real" boyfriend since him. This guy is nice and treats her like a princess (which the boyfriend didn't have the maturity to do, but he did what he could). But I know it's not going anywhere, and her heart is not healed. It still belongs to her ex, and everybody knows it. I give her credit for trying to move on, but it's so obvious that she's still hurt, especially if her ex's name is brought up or she interacts with him at school. (more to come)

I'm heartbroken and I don't know what to do to move past this. Just when I think I'm making progress, I slip back again. I feel absolutely hopeless that I will ever fully heal. I'm afraid of how I'm going to feel the day he does replace my daughter with someone new. I'm afraid that I'll never allow any other guy to replace him in my heart. I feel crazy. Thank you for hearing me out, and thank you for being there. I have felt so alone in this, and I'm relieved to know that others understand how I feel and the pain I'm in. I just don't know how to let go.

They grow up and we can't live their life's for them or try to tell them. They have to learn in their own way. Just do like I do now, I try to stay out of it. Mine isn't date another yet and it has been several months but I have finally realize I was blind like she was blind to his lies and we tried to help him understand a better way of living and not being pulled down by others but you can't save them all. That's how I look at it now. She is way better off without him, he changed so much. Between the ages of 16-21 young people are finding themselves and changing so much. If he wants the life of lying and cheating, treating people badly he will get his karma one day.

All I can say now is I hope to never see his face again. I wish I could have protected her if I had only known he was such a lying person and I was not so forgiving. It just takes time, there will be a great guy for all your daughters one day and he will treat her right and until then just relax, you have to kiss lots of frogs before you find your prince charming. :)

my daughter's ex only knew how to lie to her, he acted like he love her when he was with her but they both needed to mature some but that was no excuse to lie and cheat. People like that girls or guys just give the decent people a bad name.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X_uatVXadgo Some frogs will still be frogs, and some dogs will still be dogs, and some boys will become men. Just DON'T kiss us 'til then.

First! You should ask your daughter if it would bother her if you still kept a close relationship with the boy. If it doesn't bother her then there should be no issue with you just keeping in touch with him and talking to him to make sue he is okay as well. You don't have to be going onto her msn. Get your own and talk to him like a mother would talk to him. Just make sure he knows that you are there for him and that if he needs to talk it's okay to talk. If the antidepressants aren't working try another brand or try adding abilify.

My daughter is 14, she dated this boy 3 times that is 16. they seemed so in love, he gave her a promise ring, he text me saying he loved my daughter they were soul mates, i beleived him but,thats when the third breakup happened for no reason. i feel like i have been dumped. its been a month, my daughter is so sad. i cant take it. he has a past of lying really bad, but we overlooked it. my daughter is a cheerleader in hs, smart and beautiful other boys want her but she cant. she loves him still so much!! my heart aches for her HELP!!!!! i started therapy i am on anti depressants, (not for this) but knowone understands. my daughter gets mad if i mention his name i really need help!!! :"((((

Just tell your daughter if he really loved her he would treat her right and NOT lie to her. Been through it all, sorry for you.

coming from experience, please try to keep him away from her and encourage her to socialize with others that are friends. Every ones deserves to be treated with honesty and respect if the relationship is to survive. I went through it all, you can look back over my post and since my last post like three-four weeks ago he has texted me saying "I just wanted to thank you for making my scrapbook, I just looked at it and it still looks good. I wanted to thank you for the time you put into making it." blah blah blah, he just wanted me to start texting him to. He must have been depressed or stupid and needed a pep talk. But ignored him. I will remind you from my earlier post he cursed me out two and a half months ago and threaten me to have no communication with his family. So he got what he wanted NO communication.

I told her, she gets mad at me if i bring up his name. The lie was big, he told her is ex died in a car crash and he was there and he got burnt and had to have skin graphs done, it was the begining of there relationship and he admitted he lied and he cried to her, he is a troubled kid but, he treated her great!! the promise ring was given two weeks before the break up and he gave her a laptop, he texted me and asked me to bring him all his stuff, or his mom would get it. MY HEART ACHES FOR HER, I CRY EVERYDAY!!!!!!!!

I read your story about your daughter. Ik how you feel, i feel the same way, i am glad you have shared hoe you felt, because i felt like i was the only mom who felt this way. My daughter loved her bf so much, today makes 5 weeks they broke up, for NO reason at all. Four days prior he told me he loved her they were soul mates and conected by the heart, he had given her a promise ring and everything, they NEVER fought at all, we dont know why he did this, but, this is the 3rd time, and all his excuses were his family or stress, and he said he cried every day and he tried to kill himself, im so confused, im not allowed to even say his name, she cries :( , she has some of his stuff and he wants it back, one of his shirts she has hanging in her closet it breaks my heart, Please i will take any advice you have, it kills me, i feel crazy!!! I love my daughter so much

we didn't have a problem of asking for stuff back. they had gave each other items but he only left on CD at our house and he didn't ask for it so we let it be. after several months she has realized he was nothing but a liar and I hate she has learned people will hurt you so bad and move on but some guys are just really big jerks until they actually grow up or they just don't respect others enough to tell the truth. I would probably give him is stuff if he wanted it and she is willing to let it go if not tell him to just move on and count it as lost. He will live without it, it just may be his way of still communicating with you or her. I wouldn't encourage that at all now.

Thank you!! I think its up to her and him i dont know why he would text me. She dosent try to talk to him or ask for him back, she is just so moody, and sad. I hate it when she is sad!!

just give her time, she will hopefully get better. My daughter has but the teenagers are still moody creatures to their parents, or at least mine it but that means she is getting back to normal. haha

I think the first mistake is becoming so close to your daughters boyfriend. It is not healthy. Here is what I suggest, you have to let this go. Your daughter is young and sounds very smart. From what you say, she knows what she wants as well as what she doesn't want. Pretending to be her is invading her privacy as well as trust. If she ever found out, you would loose your daughter along with any trust you have with her. You have to allow her to make her own choices, I know it is hard, we all want the best for our kids, but we cannot make their choices and get so involved to the point of obsession. Be happy that she is a leader, smart, knows what she wants, confident and independent! She will find someone when it is time and when she is ready. Pushing her to be with someone she doesn't want to be with will push her away. I cover this type of stuff in my tele-seminars with other moms all the time. If you ever need to talk, you should join in! Coach Ann & Mom of 2

I too am suffering from the same malaise and so glad that I am not the only mother in this boat. I can't seem to stop being too over-interested and concerned about my daughters relationship (age 15) with boyfriend (19). He is the nicest person - very kind, respectful and attentive to my daughter - doesn't push her sensible limits at all. He too, comes from difficult family background and spends most of his free time at our house. He is very easy going and helpful. I wish I could stop thinking about the too of them - it really is a romance from a story book!!! I guess I'm also worried about what might happen if this doesn't work for the 2 of them. But I need to get on with my work and my life... Help! Any ideas...

I am so glad I stumbled across this website. I like many Mom's above get overly obsessed with my daughter's love life! It consumes my life. When she starts dating, I find myself constantly on fb looking for updates, pics etc. I also find myself checking the tmobile messages online to see if he has texted her, etc. It is a sick obsession! She is in college and lives away from home. But I find myself totally obsessing over her relationships. So much that it affects my relationship with the rest of my family. When I talk to her, if she has had a good day with him, I'm happy. But if she is having an off day with the boyfriend, I find my day is ruined. I seriously don't know what is wrong with me. The best way I can find to describe it is to say that I am completely obsessed with her finding a man who loves her and wants to be with her and take care of her forever. UGH.... Any advice on how to cut the cord would be greatly appreciated...

Oh my goodness tummyinknots I am exactly like you! I am overly obsessed with making sure my daughters relationship with her boyfriend is OK. I also check fb and cell records too. I dont know why i am like this, but it is exhausting and I don't want to be like this. I too am all happy when things are going well but if I get a sense something might be wrong it ruins my day and I go into a funk. The worse part is I cant talk to anybody about this or they would think I am crazy - which maybe I am!! I really like her bf and hope they get married someday, so maybe that is why I am obsessed. They are both in college right now as well. Wish I could get over this!