My 13 year old son is reluctant in making friends. - FamilyEducation
My 13 year old son is reluctant in making friends.
08/15/2007 at 13:52 PM

Hi! Everyone. My 13 year old son is reluctant in making friends.He says that they will betray me one day.So the best solution is not to make friends.Someone please help me how can i make him understand that friends are also very important in life.Thanks.

Hey Bareera


 I would talk to my child about what has happened to them in the past to make them think that all friends will betray them.  I think that is an unusual thing for a 13 year old to think about all friends.


Next I would talk about life and how some people do let you down from time to time but that a life without friendships and other people is not a very full life.


What does everyone else think?




Hi Bareera,

I know you think this was about something which happened in ‘his’ life: A friend’s action, the rejection of a girl, being made fun and humiliated in public by friends for any reason. Each one, (and others), would be hard to admit to mom. But, you might also look to what may have happened in "your" life which he may have observed and learned from to form such a negative view. Maybe nothing, but, if you have had an event which he heard you talk about, or he was otherwise aware of, it could have an effect.

Another possibility is he may be using the "betray" thing as a convenient excuse to mask another issue, for instance: he was somehow shunned or embarrassed by a person or group in school, and is not willing or ready to re-enter the social scene yet (was he ever in it?).

Also consider that he is the one who betrayed a friend and is full of guilt; this is his way of punishing or making himself suffer... (probably pretty rare).

The good news is that most kids go through the ebb and flow of hormones and emotions and he is right in the age where they can really be cooking. I don't mean you should ignore it, but, there is the possibility he will simply change for the better.

Finally, you didn't mention if there is an adult male or older brother in the picture. There are many times a boy feel more comfortable talking with another male. But, above all, do not tell him to 'snap' out of it, because that is a command, not support. What you can do is be supportive, love him, and encourage him to open up in your conversations; not with pressure, but, with real interest. You might talk to the school counselor or some of his teachers to see if they observed any negative social situations he was party to. Marti’s advise was fine, and your should listen the opinions of others, but you have to make your own decision, and take your own action.

You asked for someone to help you '...make him understand that friends are also very important in life.' It is virtually impossible to 'make' someone understand life issues. The real goal is to help him understand himself so he can handle life’s issues.

Best of luck!

DaMoKi Bob