I need advice Please!! - FamilyEducation
I need advice Please!!
05/12/2008 at 18:37 PM

Me and my husband have had our problems in the past.Splitting up and getting back together.Well were together now and doing wonderful,except my 13 yr old loves me one day then hates me the next.She gets a horrible attitude towards me and writes notes to her dad about how she would rather have his ex girlfriend here instead.It doesn't upset me to read this because i did this as a child myself,except my parents didn't talk to me they would rather drink.I try to talk to her and i get no where.Shes only happy when she gets her way.Some one please give me some advise on other ways to deal with this.I don't know what else to do.  Wendy

Well, I have read many posts about teens and it seems quite a few of them are "egotistical" meaning they really only think about their own perspective. Maybe her behavior is normal. You should be very careful to be consistent with her. Even if you know she will react adversly to a decision, make sure you do what you think is best even if she gets upset. I would also take time to have one-on-one with her. Maybe once per week you two can hang out. Be consistent with this as well. Take her to a movie or shopping or lunch on Sunday. You can even ask her about what she liked about the ex-girlfriend. You may feel jealousy, but try not to show it. Just listen and learn from her. This way you are building a stronger bond and it gives you time to really get to know what's going on in her world. Make a concious effort to listen to her stories and woes about her friends and such. One importat part of this is be consistent!!! Stay steady on the important issues where you have to say no and don't blow off the dates with her. Good Luck...
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5111

Mine is now 24 and we still struggle some days! Your daughter is a child and is acting like one. See if you can find a parenting support group in your area. Contact the school or maybe your local department of Child Mental Health. There is help out there and you are not alone. Be strong and stay strict! My daughter has thanked me many times for doing so. Tamz has some good advice also.
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5123

Rest assured all is normal. 13 year olds are mean, nasty non-people most of the time. They are unpredictable, unteachable, and tell you all sorts of garbage. It's hormonal, especially in girls. Don't take it personally. But this on again marriage, off again with hubby, OBTW, has fueled her. She has resentment which poisons the vessel in which its stored. Be careful! Consider counseling for her and the family.
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5146

Hello My name is Ramona I have two kids with my ex husband Xenya 13 y and nick now 12 .xenya born in 2001 and nick in 2003 .In 2005 I divorce . It was a almost 5 years battle custody , but end it me to have guardianship and full custody , dad has weekends This is where night mare starts.Mom is one style and dad radical different, and that was main reason for divorce. Mom,me,believe in routine,schedule safety screening and balance for time. In2010 a remarried and 2 new kids came along.More is below.
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Part 2 of the story In 2010 I remarried and then have 2 more kids, now they are 3 and almost 4 years old . They seems to be good between then but at age of 12 xenya had a radical change . Always have been clear behavior change when transfer was done between my house and dad house but was minor. I home school when Nick was in grade 1 . The have been both in Montessori then public school. Nick in Montessori was a disaster could not keep up, xenya was a star and very spongy bright child. In public school xenya continue to be extreme spongy smart child but nick by grade two was put in medication as he was consider difficult to sit in classroom and fit in.
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part 3 Medecine make my son a robot , and as single mom, I pull both kids out of school and for one year I keep them home , isolate them as I did not know what to do . I had then an ideea to open a day care and keep them in there to , in my research to library , I meet a lady librarian and she was told me that what I need is to homeschool my kids.So Home school started .
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part 4 n homeschool remain with strufggle and consume all my energy and resource and have been a giant cycle of depression and lost time as I did not understand why xenya
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part 5 was advancing 3 grades in homeschooling and for nick nothing works and on top was very insider.Then speeding up , due to the battle I lost faith and I put 2 times nick in school so may be I was to stupid to teach him
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part6 It was alternative years , one year in public then I got scared and encourage that homeschool is better and then again back to square one. From second grade to now become an obssion to find out what and why I am so stupid .
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next part Then in 2014 I give up and at the request of my teen xenya and my husband I put both kids in public school with tears and broken heart . I did not give up, I become a fighter. I was literally every day at the end of the school to track every step of the teacher , my child and what public do to my son , and use all my daily research as data against my Xenya and prove home school is the best and my heart is right. For xenya in public school was heaven , fast adapting and only problem is that she was to smart to polite and they have no programs or thing for gifted child . AND HERE IS THE PROBLEM I need help:
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next part Do friends matter or family matters? she did had one good friend , best friend in fact for years until she start to somehow detach from her , i no longer remember why . We give her a dog because was in need of a friend , but at the birth of 4 child , he was extremly sick because of it , and the dog was husky and wolf so need forest not one 500 sq feet apartment. Why parents need to explain second by second facts of my life ? This is post and anything else beside is a personal research about teen behavior and my teen behavior; beside this research I am working around the clock ,literally,with a second , giant research on how to help a dyslexic child . I am just looking for a Canadian answer why teen behaves this way .
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31112

next part although my post have been to long so I chop it in parts but seems my posting series got a reverse effect and posted from the end to the begging , but here it is : Thk for reading so much . Army may be hard for teens , but even if is so called half army life is impossible;but zero routine and not knowing who does she seeing and where is she going , is a bit to much for me. Her letters to her new public school friends in 2014 scared me not to say almost make me to give her the reality , but I hold it , did not say anything .All this bad friends that is behaving like her and treat parents like an endless money pit and full of right and so many more acts, makes me to run back to Europe and may be consume my energies to trim Europe a bit.If xenya was not by court obligated to stay in bc Canada,I will dump her in air plain and send her for 4 month in Europe to wake up and see her,,rights,,
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I pull Nick in 2014 term 3 out of public as I got mad on public . I had 45 binders fat as cow of how wrong this so called specialist and well educated teacher are . But Xenya was changing dramatic.Excelling in academic but become a ticking bomb in lifestyle.She start to be mean,had many demand in make all her wants and in 2014 we had being transform my house in HELL.It got so worse,the youngest get scared of xenya and xenya was at the point where she train the youngest against our life value and fight and make us stupid and contest all of our past,present and anything between.
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31114

I and her try Canadian style starbuck,dates and meeting ,family meetings and so on. October 2014 I could no longer fight.I send and surrender all my legal right and custody and send her at least for one year to her father.A house that her friends does not need to be screen by an adult, that she can go when she wants and be back when she wants ,she does not need to sleep at 10PM and she can havefreedom and friends.
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31115

All this happen in my past in any adult past but sadly even after war , in 2014 still happen and I witness beside many more. Kids with hands burned on oven because of poor handwriting , broken ribs because of contesting parents authorities. I have been trough that and so many more . I do not believe in that and was hell for me , but I still love my parents was all they can do .
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But here in Canada , i beg for my daughter attention , i give a chance to consume her life in home school where her bright brain can explode and use in endless opportunity . And she is just full of garbage What about looking how hard is for nick to be abuse by xenya because he is stupid skinny child.what about xenya that contest a judge supreme court order decision because her friends say so? what about X not coming to airport to greet me because we took away temporary her cellphone?This facts make me mad.Why?She has been in so many hard places and not sufficient to remember.Then why parents with kids 0 to 12y do so much and burn them self if no child will remember?
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31117

Thanks to home school I finally got in Nov nick to be tested , and he is dyslexic . Xenya did not reach or have zero contact with me or my family . for all we did still we are judge and stupid and we cause her trauma ? excuse me ? I write here because I need a non stupid person like me , to explain me this process from Canadian point of view . Does teen can not stay home only and be beside a family when we most need her?Does a teen need friends 24 hours ? I never had a child beside me for 20 years and I may be stupid,30 y old but I am human with a proper brain and behavior praised by many.I may suffer from this so called PTS,but hey I am human.
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31118

If she is a genius why can not help or research how to help her brother? how you forgive her actions? Do society really need to punish my fam, because we choose a inside method of education and not on the wheel . We had one activities per week and even 2 in a home school group: it was a professional acting,gymnastic, we offer her professional gymnastic and has been almost to finals she had been experience horse volunteer, but do I need to be punished , and judge from adults and my teen because we are not daily and around the clock on the road and with human and life offer me different life ?
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31119

She is happy at her dad, her brother continue to be on weekends with dad and rest with me, but it is killing him this radical parenting and is nothing I can do. Nick blames me for not forcing xenya to stay with me ,as this house was the only house that she was forced to treat him human and to have some time with him Yet I am stuck in here with What about third country I came from.the war where I serve.we came home and be boss by teens.what about the kids that even today they live in fear from their parents they are torture and beaten because of poor academic.and should I carry on. question marks instead of periods.
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31120

sorry to dump all this on you but hopefully you have a longer answer to this so called teen era. I want to build a personal research that hopefully one day will make me to at least be able to say hello to xenya and hope fully forgive her. I feel had no choice but send her away as my feelings was she is a hose, all pull her in many directions and yet she did not know how to cope. The cycle was same.the ugly girl became again beautiful only when she saw for sure she will be send to dad.when we let go off stay home, all was hell again. May 2014 I return from a traumatic personal experience happened in Romanian, I could no longer cope with her.Thank you sir. Have the most wonderful day
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Last note, try Canadian version, Europe version and after living in Europe for one month, I want to beat xenya,tied her to the heater and keep her there for months. All she was talking was about her teen rights,wants she so called she needs, and all have been in fact a self fish behavior.I hope if any parents exist to be like me , hope your long answer will give us healing.I look for truth and no matter what you say , I need to know. I am stuck.
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I was a child war but yet we never ask we support parents and love endure all. Does teens this era know love and give a trust to parents, question mark. I do not see it, I may miss something.Hope you have that thing as 3 more teens are coming on my way, and is not easy but at least understand them will give hope. How you read books, agree with the topic but home in practice is nothing parents can do.It is lose the child or got lucky and have it.It was not like that.When Serbia was attack and serve there ,teens do not ask, they act. teen across the world is huge. we had zero what teen has here, yet we are more stronger then them.hmmm
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31123

Thank you sir and all who reads and I send hope to those how came home and ready to serve a different battle so darn different. I believe is a new start at 19 y to be parent after come home .I guess I can call it for now,victory,defeated and victory again soon to be.Well let start the planning.Teens do not care about our past and I do not want to talk either , but respect is mandatory for me.To respect my decision,to find middle ground as hard that is for me, I better lose a child then raise it that fantasy way.No matter what we do seem to not be right.
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31124

I guess I skip the levels.First a plant,then a fish, then a pet and then a child.I got the plant and the pets but I miss something.Thank you
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