I feel like I'm losing my daughter - FamilyEducation
I feel like I'm losing my daughter
06/25/2011 at 06:56 AM

My 14 year old daughter has new friends that are involved in a serious amount of drugs. She has confided in me they all smoke pot, drink and have sex. The boys she hangs around are completely disrespectful and crude while I'm on the phone with her. I have had my issues over the last several years, dealing with depression, alcoholism and attempted suicide on my end and think this had a severe negative effect on her.
She recently refused to allow me to pick her up from a friends house and stayed the night without my permission. I want to trust her, but with the crowd she is hanging out with makes me feel she is going to try drugs or drinking. She belittles me and tells me Im crazy and all her friends think so too. She says I was always there for her but now all of a sudden I want to be a mom. I'm lost and don't know were to go from here.

Please be warned that we have a contributor who is probably going to point out that everything is your fault. Give the rest of us a little time to provide you some helpful feedback.
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Probably the first thing I would do is contact the parents at the house where she stayed overnight w/o permission. Enlist their help in rebuilding an appropriate parental relationship with your daughter. You have a lot of rebuilding to do, and it would be wonderful to have their help. Of course, you don't know what kind of parents they are, so it may not be helpful. Still, have the conversation.
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I did go to the mothers house last night to talk to her and help finding her, although she was not cooperative. I know her daughter smoke marijuana in her bedroom which tells me it's not a good home environment...
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http://forums.familyeducation.com/discuss/raising-teens/friendly-reminder We have a wonderful forum here so let's keep it that way! ~ Host Marti
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see previous post
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Jim tell us how you applied the sam advice to raising your children. You always revert back to your parents and you as a child, but dont give us the "If they had only done this", tell us what you did in your parenting.
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In one of his posts, jim stated that he is not a parent. Question for you, Jim. Do you believe that your parents sought input from others (extended family, friends, clergy, school counselors) about what to do about the problems in your family? RSVP?
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The parents who are seeking information on this forum are the parents you wish you had. Don't be so mean to them. And it's just annoying, as you probably know, to be repeatedly directed to do something that you are already doing. Every correction SnglDad offers you is seen by you as an attack. That is not about him, that is about you. He is not patient, nor is he always tactful, but neither is he mean.
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Mayamay, thanks.....I think. LOL
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Yeah, that was me being tactful.
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http://forums.familyeducation.com/discuss/raising-teens/friendly-reminder We have a wonderful forum here so let's keep it that way! ~ Host Marti
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Jim, calm down!
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Ok then! Thanks for the input! I do have 3 other children... And have learned from my therapy sessions, teens need to express themselves, even if it's negative. So since my post, things have become much better. Yes, she has been through a lot, as long as I remain supportive and understanding, our relationship will continue to grow. There is a lot more to our situation than just me. She has her own troubles as many teens do. I refuse to like her choice in friends, but they are hers, not mine. I will never condone the use of drugs are alcohol, that will be a battle I will always face, with all 4 children.
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And one more thing, I have gained support from many other parents of teens and have done a lot of reading. I am a great mother and am raising 4 amazing children regardless of our circumstances. The feeling of losing your teen is normal, it's all in how you handle the situation, with love, time and the willingness to let go and let them make their own mistakes. I refuse to raise my children the way I was raised or in that kind of environment. So Jim, maybe your parents didn't care, mine didnt either. I will never be that kind of parents.
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Mommy_of_4 re: So Jim, maybe your parents didn't care, mine didnt either. I will never be that kind of parents. >>BRAVO!
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She's 14 and she needs to learn that despite the fact that you made mistakes you are still her mother and that you are trying to look out for her and do what's best. If she's told you what her friends are doing then more than likely she is doing it as well. First of all, you need to put her into lock down with those friends. You need to get you BOTH into therapy. You need to go and she needs to go and you both need a session where you both go together. You need support groups which can be found online if you just search for them. Try also getting your daughter away from that group and try taking her to things she might like where they have groups of young people her own age.
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She should be around people that will be a good influence on her. Have you thought about sending her to a boot camp for teenage girls? Coz it really might help you and most especially her. :D
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