How to handle this??? - FamilyEducation
How to handle this???
06/19/2011 at 12:23 PM

We have a 17yo. She is very secretive, almost non-communicative with us. We understand she is at an age where she is trying to break-off from her parents and become her own independent person. We get it.

However, because of that strained relationship, my husband went in her room to "look" and came across her journal. He wasn't going to read it, wished he didn't. When he flipped through, he saw several pages of extremely graphic and disgusting pornographic writing about a sexual encounter between her and her boyfriend. (Whether it was real or fabricated we don't know, she did use their names in the writing) Then there were pages vividly describing degrading sex games (some with bondage) using all the worst possible slang terms for body parts and sexual activities.

We were absolutely nauseated by what we read. This isn't the first time we were aware of using dirty talk to her boyfriend. Her younger sibling saw a txt she sent to her bf. It was nothing and really innocent compared to this. I could understand a teenagers romantic feelings and talking about romantic making love type things, but this was blatant, raw, XXX movie stuff.

We have an idea on how we will handle this, we have NO idea on how to get the conversation started. She will know we snooped, that sets us up for an argument right out of the box.

Any suggestions? Thanks!

There was a parenting class that gave this helpful hint--maybe it will work for you. When your child tries to take you off the subject by pointing out something you did wrong, you just say "Nevertheless, . .. " and go right on with your point. If she says something relevant to your point, you engage in dialogue, but if she says something to undercut your authority, you just say, "nevertheless, " again, and get right back to it. Hope this helps. Remember, you are the parents and it IS your business to keep your children safe in every realm. That means physical (STDs, rough sex, pregnancy) and emotional (casual intimacy leads to increased depression and decreased ability to trust others), too.