Help before my Marriage is over
01/16/2012 at 09:28 AM

I Have an 19 year old boy. He is a great kid, he is nice, he has a job (Not a great one) he never misses work or calls in sick, he is the most liked kid ever by adults. However, I think I may have spoiled him throughout his whole life, never wanting him to go without, feel sad, get in trouble etc. I also don't like when my husband is hard on him. It is ruining our marriage because he doesn't want him to be lazy and uneducated. We have a huge college fund, gave him a car and a beautiful home with all the toys he could ever ask for. He flunked out of college in a couple months, did not take care of the car, does not remember ANYTHING like the garbage, recycle, looses and forgets his wallet everywhere, breaks everything he touches, does not care about anything expensive that we buy for him or our home.I have often lied for him, cleaned up his messes, fixed things he broke. We are now at the point our marriage is truly suffering and I don't know what to do. We have taken the car away, he is just working and doesn't know what he wants to do if he goes back to school. My husband said let him walk! If Its cold out or raining I cant do it, it breaks my heart. It quite a far walk to work. How do I make this kid grow up and be responsible when its my fault he cares about nothing and doesn't try at anything? I just wanted him to be happy and it has ruined him to become an adult.

Stop going to her house, find someone else to babysit. Let your husband take care of any communication. Be gracious when you must speak. If someone tries to tell you what she said about you, graciously change the subject because they are just gossiping. And, don't you gossip about this. If you have already been talking to extended family about how poorly you are being treated, apologize. "I'm embarrassed that I said those things, please forgive me."


The lack of discretion on all sides is what is harming your family. The thing you can do to repair your family is to increase your own discretion. Your own behavior is one of the things that you have control over. The other is determining who provides supervision for your children. You can't make your mother-in-law do anything. You can tell your husband not to burden his pregnant wife with the details of his problems with his mother. He's SUPPOSED to protect his family. He blew it this time, but he can learn.