Desperately need help - FamilyEducation
Desperately need help
10/27/2008 at 08:07 AM

I met an ex partner of mine eight years ago and we got back together. She had a child of ten at the time, and she informed me that I may be the father of this child, from when we dated years earlier. After months of agonising and debating what to do, we told her that I may be her father and that we would take a DNA test and move forward from there. The daughter was set against the DNA test so one was never taken; we got on fine from then and had a happy time together. Then two years ago when my partners daughter hit 16, she accused me of being a sick twisted man for entering her life and pretending to be her father. I explained to her that I wanted a DNA test, and that her mother and I had agonised over what to do for the best and Yes we probably shouldn’t have said a word. Things calmed down and we started to get back to how things were; for two years things have been fine, recently, my partners’ daughter stopped talking to me when i asked why she has said the vilest and disgusting things to me, claiming I am vile, vulgar, sick and twisted for wanting to ruin her life.
She thinks I came along and ruined her life out of some sort of spite or twisted pleasure. She has started telling her mother that I am seeing other woman (which I am not) and that she has seen me with other women (which she hasn’t). She asked her mother end her relationship with me, when se refused she stopped talking to her mother after telling her she had no respect for her anymore.
I seriously do not know what to do; I love my partner dearly and don’t want to end our relationship. I love my partners’ daughter and don’t want her upset. Should I walk away from my partner so her daughter is happy or do I ride out the storm and hope she claims down one day? I seriously do not know what to do for the best

I replied to your other post as well. It's up to you, but I'd get the DNA test. If it doesn't matter to you whether you're the father or not, and no one else has a problem w/ it, don't get the test. I just think getting the test will resolve things in your own mind, and it will also keep your partner's daughter from holding things over your head if you are the father. Either way, you shld explain to her that it doesn't matter to you whether you are her bio father or not. In your heart, you're her father, and that's all that matters. Hopefully this girl will respect you for that, and things will get better for all of you. Good luck!

Well 1st of all,I wouldnt of let a 10yr old determine if we were gonna have a DNA done or not. She was way to young to make that dicision. It kind of sounds like the mother may be letting this child have way to much say so, in what goes on there. Wether there was a DNA done or not, you are the one thats been there for her. There are many step-parents in this world,some way better than the real parents & the daughter should be made to respect you in the house. If your partner wants a real relationship w/you,then she should not be allowing her daughter to act in that manner & you shouldn't be made to feel like your the 3rd-wing. It's not the daughters place to decide who her mothers gonna be w/or to make the rules of the house. If I were you, I'd put my foot down on this. If she can't control her daughter, doesn't love you enough to get her daughter under control, then I dont think I'd want to be in tht relationship---where you have to always feel your competing w/her daughter. Like any other teenager,there has to be rules, there has to be respect. The mother doesn't have to put up w/her acting this way. She can take her privledges away,until she decides to treat you w/more respect than that. It's normal for teenagers to rebel & think they hate their parents etc, but it's not normal for a parent to allow a child to run the house,run the mothers life/relationships & to decide what will & will not happen in their house!!!

I think first thing you should get the DNA test as it will help clear things up in your mind and hopefully hers as well. The problem comes that if you end up not being the father, she will still hold this over your head. Then I think it would be good to take a second step.