Daughter refuses to wear Pantyhose? - FamilyEducation
Daughter refuses to wear Pantyhose?
11/22/2008 at 07:19 AM

What is a mother to do. My daughter is starting school where they wear kilts. Often in the winter the temperature is cool and she refuses to where pantyhose. Not to mention the girls often hike up their kilts a little too high for my comfort level. Pantyhose would certainly help umm cover any exposed areas that might happen during the day.  I even suggested tights as an alternative? What do you suggests. Any other Moms having this battle. Where I work pantyhose.nylons are the norm. I take it at high school girls just don't wear anything on their legs at school........When I went to school in a kilt pantyhose and tights were mandatory. hmmm  Will I win this battle? Thanks Laura.

 

For me, unless it was mandatory at her school, it would be a matter of "picking my battles" with her---I would just let it go. Check with the school and see what the policy is. If it is the school's policy, well, that's a different matter, but if not, as I said, I would just let her go bare-legged.

It may be a regional thing, but around here most girls do not wear pantyhose with any outfit--ever. If it is like this at your daughter's school, perhaps she doesn't want to be the odd person going against the norm. After all, if I understood correctly, she is just starting out at this school? So she may want to fit in.

cid
9015

It depends on who is in charge in your household. If the child is in charge then she wont wear them. If the parents are in charge, she will. The way you are approaching the situation tells me you believe she will win.
cid
9007

Tell your daughter, no pantyhose or tights, she can't leave the house. Let the school know you are doing this so they can support you. My 24 y/o daughter suggested this advice.
cid
9010

In a situation where a parent feels they are right, there is no need to give a choice. Yes, I said it, you do not have to give a child a choice. If you want her to wear panty hose, tell her to get them on and get to school. If she does not want to go to school, she will just not put them on. What do you do at that point? You are setting yourself up to fail. You are not going to allow her to stay out of school, and she knows this. There are several options to resolve this, but what age is the child?
cid
9012

It sounds as if this mother has made her decision about what she wants her child to wear. When a parent makes a decision, it is not a battle. A parents determination for what they believe to be best for their child should never be labeled as a battle. The battle starts when the child refuses to obey their parent,not when the parent makes a decision. Let the child pick which battles they wish to lose. The parent has made a decision. Do not back down from the decision you have made. Once a child knows that all they have to do is protest your decisions because you will eventually give in, you will have created a situation where every decision you make will be questioned. Make your decision and stick to it.
cid
9017

Pantyhose are getting more and more archaic every year. Most women (and especially teens) don't even wear them for special occasions. Personally, I can't get my high heeled shoes on without them. I can sometimes get my daughter to wear black nylons for a formal event by stressing how the black tinted legs would go so well with the black prom dress. My point is, she really might standout as an oddball if she wears them. I would find out what the others are wearing in lieu of nylons (most likely just socks). But, if no pantyhose, then definitely NO THONG UNDERWEAR!
cid
9050

"Pantyhose" are problematic in so many ways. I don't wear them... If you tell your child to wear hose or tights, you just gave her 'choice'... Let her choose one and then stick to your directive. My father did not let me wear make-up when I was in Jr. High school. I would put the make-up on at school and take it off before I went home.
cid
9056

That is a matter of personality and/or possibly peer pressure. I was not allowed to wear makeup until 16, waited til my 16th b-day, wore it for about 6 months or so and have not worn it since. My daughter was not allowed to wear makeup until 18, wore it for 2 years or so and now seldom does. Wearing pantyhose or tights under a (short) school skirt should be mandatory for a minor child. When she is an adult she gets a choice.
cid
9058

Well I checked with the school and they strongly recommend them wearing tights or pantyhose. They did say more and more girls are opting for knee socks. We argued for about 25 mins this morning (almost making me late for work) she kept saying she felt uncomfortable wearing them.....in the end I did allow her to choose between tights or pantyhose. She agreed to opt for the later as long as she could choose from my selection not sure what that was about? But I do have different versions though.... I hope she didn't ummm take any of the adult styled ones! She is so grounded if she did. I told her to pick a control top style she just rolled her eyes..... I didn't see which style she took as I was in late all ready but she said it was the right color (black). I wonder though if she will just take them off at school hmmm. She is staying over at a friends house for a supervised birthday party tonight. Guess we will see how things go tomorrow morning :) Thanks for the advice so far!
cid
9060

Since it is now known that the school wants the girls to wear pantyhose, why don't you take your daughter out shopping and let her choose the pantyhose she likes. At least then she feels she has some say in what she's wearing. Also, why not let her wear the knee socks over the pantyhose. If she buys nude stockings, no one will even notice.
cid
9215

As someone else suggested... pick your battles, and this is NOT one of them to worry about, period. I know of VERY few girls that wear panty hose these days. In fact, I know of very few 20-somethings that wear panty hose. Remember how our grandmothers wore girdles and our moms didn't? Well, that is panty hose to our daughters. Really -- what does this hurt? Does freezing her legs off bother you personally at all? Nope. She's the only one that has to "suffer" the cold. Also - do you really think your daughter is going to purposely hike up her kilt to give a peep show? Nope -- if it happens, it would be by accident. Have some faith in her. The ONLY dress codes I had were: (1) legs, belly, or b**bs: "Pick one" to expose and that is it. (2) nothing written on the tush (3) I get veto power on clothes at family functions and events related to me (get togethers where my boss may be present). Let the school handle any dress code issues -- let them be the meany and not you.
cid
9246

You have some good intentioned thoughts -- but sticking to your guns on things with a teenage daughter is not going to get her to ever trust you with bigger issues. Believe me, a daughter has learned what you believe and if she's having a moral crisis or questions something different than she knows you believe, she'll never come to you to discuss things. Instead of sticking to my guns on decisions I made, I was ALWAYS open to persuasion to change. That does not mean I caved every time, but honestly, I found the older my teens got, the better reasoning they had. Sometimes they had better points than I ever thought about. Because I they could always come to me calmly and knew I would listen, yes, they would do that often. But, then they respected my decision - even when they didn't understand it. Changing your decision because your teenager can come and talk like an adult with you and give you altenatives is empowering them and YOU as a parent! It does not mean you lose your authority. It's important for us to be humble enough to start realizing we may not know what is best for our teenagers. We are not as familiar with their friends, school, and activities as they are. They are growing into adults with different opinions that they must develop. Believe me -- my kids know I was the authority. I was known as one of the strictest moms in my teens' social circles. But, I can't tell you how many times my daughter would tell me that her friends were envious of our relationship. I enjoyed our "battles" - it let me know more about her reasoning ability, maturity level, and how much she valued me. (Many times she would defer to me and be happy to - simply because she trusted me.)
cid
9248

My perspective on the dress code is different because I have a son. When you do the "pick one" thing, my son is still distracted by the one you pick. We would both appreciate it if you showed respect for yourself and understanding for him if you would do the "calisthenics" dress code I don't see skin between armpits and about an inch below the derriere, even when you are touching your toes with your knees straight, or when your arms are lifted straight over your head. My son is not supposed to treat your daughter like a sex object, even when she dresses herself like a tart. I don't get it. He does a great job of behaving respectfully since we believe that being respectful is about our own character, not about the respectability of other people.
cid
9249

acitez - Yes, my oldest is a son and two youngest are sons. (With 2 girls in between) So, I totally get the distractions. LOL - honestly, I think my son could have been distracted by a girl walking in jeans and a turtleneck! When I said "pick one" - It's not free reign on showing off that one area. For instance, in the summer my daughters could not wear shorts and a simple scoop neck cami. If they wanted to wear the cami, they were wearing long capris. And shorts - they were longer than an inch below the tush any time. (It's not that I gave them whatever they wanted in that one area.) I just think with the styles today... shorts 2 inches below the tush, cut off to show the belly button, and a camisole tank - even if all are respectful pieces of clothing is too much. Hence my "pick one" comment. I totally agree with you on the respect being your own character. But with all that is out there (especially in movies), I think our teens are losing what respect in clothing is. You know - one thing I did notice. The kids LIKE their parents to give guidelines. When the girls would come over to stay the night at my house, they would say things like, "Mrs. V, I didn't bring any of my sweatpants with words on the b*tt!" They'd be all proud of themselves, and I'd just say "glad you're respecting yourself." I have NEVER got the words on the tush on clothing. They even put it on little girls' clothing now-a-days!
cid
9257

The ones that really get me are the pants that show the "coin slot"--so common they invented a euphemism for it, and pants that are worn with the fly open, the zipper unzipped. This is attractive? On what planet? My son also is expected to dress respectfully. He wears pants that fit and nobody but him knows he's wearing boxers. Somewhere, I think in the expert answers part of this site, they interviewed a boy about clothes and he said he "didn't want to look like his dad." So instead, they look like they are 5 years old and they dressed up in their dad's clothes--baggy seat, draggy legs.
cid
9287

I have not seen the fly open trend yet... guess it hasn't hit here yet OR the kids running around mine are not into it. I don't get the coin slot look either. My 14 year old has a figure that it is nearly impossible to find her jeans that fit her and not go too low on her backside when she squats down. We try and try and try - but it's so hard. (She doesn't like showing it, so she's honestly trying.) They actually make a tape now to cover that area and make it look natural. (Why don't they just use cloth!) I'll be glad when Mom Jeans come back - though my oldest daughter says to just shoot her if they ever do.
cid
9299

first concerning weather ,once she is cold for a few times she might decide to cover her legs. second well unless she goes without panties I dont see what the big deal is about ppl seeing her legs, you dont make her wear tights with her bathing suit do you lol? It is normal for kids and teens to want to adhere to their social's fashion preferences I dont think that it should be a big deal unless she insist on wearing an orange wig with a big red plastic nose and very big shoes :)
cid
12918

you are the parent and you decide
cid
26602