conflict with 16 year old daughter - FamilyEducation
conflict with 16 year old daughter
07/13/2009 at 22:32 PM

My teenage daughter just graduated from school. She wants to socialize with her friends, but wants to go to the movies in the night. The same movies play during the daytime. I try to make her understand that before she commits herself to any plan, she has to get permission. She does not see the problem with going out in the night. I am concerned, because where she plans to go is about an hour drive from home, which means that she is likely to get home past midnight. I don't want her to feel that I am smothering her. I am just trying to be protective. I try to reason with her, but sometimes she sees it as a lack of trust. I trust her, but I am worried about her been out late.

She could go to an earlier show with no problem, right? Let her negotiate with you so that she can go to the earlier show, get home at a more acceptable hour.

When my daughter was that age we started with a 10:00 curfew and added 1/2 hour every few months that she got home on time for the entire previous time frame. She was not allowed to be more than 1/2 hour away after 11:00 pm unless there was a trusted adult driving. Luckily anyone she went out with had parents with similar rules. When she turned 19, the time went to 12:00. Around that time, young adults she knows tragically were involved in a DUI accident at 1am and one girl was critally injured. My daughter then saw why I was so protective. This girl recently passed away having never recovered from her injuries and my now 25 y/o daughter thanked me once again for being "over protective". She still has rules as long as she lives in my home and goes by them with no complaint. Your daughter would like to have more freedom, and you need to remind her that there are rules she must follow while still living at home. She may not see it now but will realize as she matures that you have only her best interests and safety at heart.

Set a curfew and stick to it. There's no room for negotiation there. If your daughter can go to an earlier movie, that shld work. Also, is it possible for her to go to a closer theater? I'm sure whatever it is she wants to do, she can do it closer to home w/ your permission. Just stick to your guns about the curfew b/c if you don't, your daughter will start pushing for more and more. You can be more flexible w/ the other things, and this way you're both compromising. I think that's fair.