Can teens have their say? Please read! - FamilyEducation
Can teens have their say? Please read!
07/11/2007 at 10:54 AM

hey there, i'm a teen who's 13 going on 14 in secondary two (grade 8 i think? i live in singapore) and i think my mom has an attitude problem.

 my parents divorced when i was born, and i never had a close relationship with either... ...

there's a huge communication problem with me and my mom. we never talk, and even when we do, she ALWAYS, never fails to overlap whatever i'm saying with something totally negative. eg, i'm trying to explain why i scraped only a pass in a higher chinese test (higher chinese is like chinese lit, it's reallyreally tough), and she's like ''why are you sooooo stupid, oh my goodness it's only chinese, it's common sense, look at all your other cousins, they are allllll doing so well, why are you so stupid?'' without making the effort to listen to me. and even if the next time i improve(maybe a 55% C?), she doesn't recognise the effort. she'll say ''everyone is getting A's except you.'' it hurts you know, cos i'm doing it for her, so she would be happy, and actually make me feel i'm worth something when she goes ''good job'' or SOMETHING. i've never in my life, never, heard her say those two words. GOOD. JOB. is it that hard to say?!

(has she ever considered that she herself does not know a single word of chinese, and that i'm the only kid in the entire family doing higher chinese?) i mean, we should get a chance to fight for our rights, don't you think?

then after every argument, she'll end off with ''go do your work now, you're so stupid, failing and you're playing, and writing whatever rubbish, go throw it away.'' she expects me to be doing HOMEWORK 24/7, and i have a leadership role in my school, i have my duties and responsibilities i have to cover for.

and, even if she blames me for not doing well, she doesn't try to help me, no matter what i do. i'll ask her how to do a math question, and she'll throw a math book in my face and go ''practise makes perfect''. i mean... how can a book help me? yes, it helps in practice, but no, i do not need practice, not just yet. i need to adjust to the method, the books don't provide methods, they provide blank questions for you to fill up.

and it's not just homework, even if it's something like ''i'm stressed''. she'll just go ''live with it, that's how life is''. and (!) even though she doesn't help me, she does not let me confide in someone else, to talk to anyone at all. seriously. she'll confiscate my handphone, ban me from the com... whatever it takes. i feel so confined, and... it's just... bad, i know it's bad for me. and she won't listen.

what should i do?

(thanks for bearing with my almost essay-long discussion!)

Hey theredpony,


Welcome to the boards.  It is so hard for teenagers and their parents.  Sometimes we just don't understand each other.  I would say that the best thing you can do is write your mother a letter telling her what you have told us.  Cover in the letter how you feel she doesn't listen to you and also how you don't feel that she is proud of you or that she tells you enough.


My daughter's best friend who is like a second daughter to me was having some real problems with her mother when her parents were getting a divorce and she said, my mother won't listen to me, she just argues with me.  She wrote her a letter and it helped so much with their understanding each other.  Tell your mother that you would love it if she would write you back about her feelings.  Maybe that could help.


Anyone else have any ideas?




i've tried that. she replied my letter with another letter, and  she wrote whatever she says all the time. sigh.


to the red pony:

I think u  should talk to ur mother seriously, and should settle new rules including  "accepting u as u r" . u should tell her that this is her duty as a mother . she has to love accept and respect u as u r and if she doesn't accept  and respect ur feelings and ur desire i believe that u should speak to somebody else who is more reliable and trustful than her . it could be a teacher or a relative ...

best wishes



I ran away and joined a punk rock band. It worked pretty well for me.