advice please! unfair school punishment-assumed sexual offenses - FamilyEducation
advice please! unfair school punishment-assumed sexual offenses
10/13/2007 at 11:44 AM

Let me start off by saying I am not a parent. I am sixteen years old, and I need some advice. I'd also like to start off by saying that I am a very good girl, have never gotten even so much as a detention, am in all honors and AP classes, and make straight A's and B's. Two days ago, after school, I had a little bit of free time before my PSAT class. So I met up with my boyfriend and parked in a parking garage next to the school to just hang out until my class. We decided to sit in the back seat instead of the front, which I know was stupid mistake number one. Then we decided to like recline in the back seat, which was stupid mistake number two. My boyfriend had his jeans off, but he had shorts on, not boxers, actual basketball shorts. I know that sounds pretty shady but there wasn't a sexual reason that he took off his pants. He was just getting more comfortable. So we were kind of just laying there and kissing on and off when these two teachers (two of his football coaches) approached  the car. They were basically just like, you guys need to leave, and we did.

The next day at school, we both got called down to our own dean of discipline. I'm not sure exactly what went on with my boyfriend and his dean, but I'm sure it was similar to what I was enduring. My dean of discipline told me that the two teachers saw that my pants were down, and that when we saw them coming over, my boyfriend quickly grabbed his pants and then shielded me so I could pull my pants up. First of all, my pants were not down. Second of all, I know he did not grab for his pants because he had no reason to. He was already appropriately covered, and I specifically remember that whole event. He never grabbed his pants. He didn't even touch his pants until after we left the garage. But now all these adults, who I've never even met in my life so they don't know me at all, assume that more was going on and now we've both been suspended for three days. And they said that the reason that the punishment is so bad is because they think that we were lying. I sat in my dean of discipline's office for over two hours because she was trying to get me to say that we were doing more than just kissing. I insisted over and over again that nothing more happened, but now all the deans think I'm a liar, and I don't know what to do. My parents also think I'm lying, which absolutely shocks me because I thought of all people, they'd support me. I'm a Christian, so of course I believe in abstinence until marriage. I even go to a youth group every sunday, and camp in the summer. So now I feel like I have no one to turn to since my parents are a lost cause. I talked to my best friend's mom, and she suggested that I talk to a school counselor. I will probably end up doing that, but I was wondering if anyone has any advice on what to say in the email that I send the school counselor, or any suggestions of other actions I should take. Please help me out. I'm really grateful for any help. Thanks!


I'm the one who posted. Please help me out. I'm desperate.


Gee, there's nothing worse than telling the truth and having people say you are lying.  I don't know if you've already met with the counselor.  Tell me more specifics, is your school a private school?


I would talk to the counselor at school but the most important lesson is this is that when it appears you are doing something then you are often guilty of it, even if you really didn't do it.  How things appear to teachers and adults does matter---it causes people to see you in the different light and sometimes you just can't undo that.


You are right, you made some really bad choices and now you are having to pay for those choices.  Hopefully, you learned a lesson and will be careful in the future about how your behavior would appear to adults.




Hello. I am a parent of a 13 yr old girl.  She is a good student, good person, and doesn't get into trouble, etc. like yourself. However, the school principal last year didn't believe my daughter when she reported a male student kicked her in the hip bone and then kicked her in the stomach when she was seated on the blacktop on her number waiting for the pe teacher. Well, she had a huge bruise there, and I even needed to take her to the e.r. as she was bleeding when she went to the restroom. RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, this principal tried putting words into my daughter's mouth and trying to get her to agree with what he was saying, by ending his statements with "right", "that's what happened, etc." I told my daughter (in the past) and right in front of this power tripper always tell the truth and never agree to anything if the facts and story isn't right. At all costs, stick up for yourself and if you do get consequences, you, your parents and the Lord know what really happened. Sounds like you are in this same boat. My advice is a) document what happened for your own records and save them in your computer, you may need them in the future- b) either try to appeal the suspension so it comes out of your school record or just continue on and don't get stressed out about this as of course, it sounds like no one will listen and nothing is changing. c) Make up those missed assignments and do not park in that area or get in the backseat giving another "concerned teacher" a chance to pull something like this again. And lastly, believe your kids when you have them!