14yr old girl dating older man - FamilyEducation
14yr old girl dating older man
05/31/2007 at 00:19 AM

I have a question. My boyfriend has a 14yr old daughter. Her mother has been back in her life now for about 2yrs. Her mother has been dating this 30yr old guy on and off for about 2yrs, he just went to jail for stealing about 2 weeks ago. We just found out today from letters the 30yr old(her mother's boyfriend) was trying to send to the 14yr old girl that they have been in a relationship for a while and more than likely sleeping together.

Pretty much to sum it up is My boyfriend's daughter (that is 14) was having a relationship (sleeping with) her mom's boyfriend who is 30yrs old. 

Problem is we don't know what to do, we have talked to the cops and we don't have enough evidence to press charges against the 30yr old man.  (Thankfully right now he is in jail) so we don't have to worry about them being together for a little while.  But what do you do to the 14yr old girl?  How do you make her understand that being with a 30yr old man isn't ok and exspecially it being her mom's boyfriend?  (Which makes me sick).

They both are writing back and forth saying: we will get through this, we have our whole lives together. 


Please post all advice you have on this matter.  I don't know what to tell him to help him out with his daughter in this very messed up matter.

Maybe you can call Child Protection Services in your area since the girl is under age.


"Maybe “It's not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it.” - The Golden Girls


Hey Msstull,


Welcome to the boards.  I would not phrase it that a 14 year old is dating a 30 year old, I would say that the 14 year old has been sexually molested by a grown-up and that she is not at an age to consent to anything.  It is a sick man that will sleep with his girlfriend's daughter.  If the letters are not enough to press charges then I would talk to the girl and get her to admit everything.  If you have to take her to counseling to get it out or whatever. (Counseling is not a bad idea anyway) She needs to be told that this is not okay and that she is not old enough.  And then I would do everything I could to get him for rape/molestation.


What does the mother have to say about all this?






I come from a background of being molsested by my stepfather from the age of 14 to I move out at the age of 18. At the age of 14  you do not realize what is wrong with this picture. I suggest maybe counseling and not allowing him to have any contact with her at all. Maybe getting her interested in age approiate activities will help. Keep us posted.



But no this is not a good idea for anyone to let happen or go on. Take the girls mother to court take her away.


    “It's not easy being a mother. If it were easy, fathers would do it.” - The Golden Girls

I take special offense to this asinine statement. I am a single father who has fought and won custody and sole decision making for my children. My children are well behaved, clean, healthy, and excellent students. My wife did not want to work to help with bills, maybe I could say “It’s not easy making a living, if it were, women would do it”. That statement would be about as accurate as the one you used. There are many working mothers, just as there are many fathers who are active in their children’s lives. I guess that I shouldn’t be too offended by your statement. How much credit can I give someone that gave the advice you gave, and quotes the golden girls? Good Day.


Hey SnglDad,


Welcome to the boards.  I am sure that the other poster didn't mean to offend anyone by her quote from the golden girls---I am sure she meant it to be humorous.


I understand why someone who is an involved and loving father would be upset by that quote but it doesn't seem to apply to you so I wouldn't get too upset about something that didn't represent who I am.


We love to have fathers as posters here and I hope that you will stay and post on lots of boards and threads.  My husband is a wonderful father and fathers play an incredibly important role in the lives of their children.