Parent / Friend from H-LL! Help!! - FamilyEducation
Parent / Friend from H-LL! Help!!
09/02/2010 at 11:57 AM

I am a newbie here but I need some help from the Moms today. I have a little saga going on over here with a person that I’ve been friends with for about 3 years now. It is multi-faceted and I really need to get some good advice from objective people. This person happens to be my daughters best friend’s step- mother which complicates the matter in a huge way. This step-mom and I WERE good friends until all this started happening. The problem is that I often find this person acting more like a gossipy teenager than a real friend. This lady copies EVERYTHING that I do and it’s getting weirder by the minute. If she comes to my house, she walks herself up to my kid’s rooms (without me or my permission)to see if they have anything new and even looks in their closets! If they get a new comforter on their bed…..she buys new comforters for her kids….I buy a new lamp….she buys one….etc. I even re-designed my bathroom and a week later, she has contractors in her house doing the same thing. No mention of that before she saw what I was doing, though. This is NOT coincidence, I’m sure of it. This past summer was a nightmare for me. If I take the kids to the beach with friends…..she’s at the beach the next day…..I go bowling, she’s going bowling…..on and on and on. Recently, my teen daughter came to me and told me something alarming. It seems that this person has been constantly interrogating my kids whenever they sleep over or are around this lady. She asks them questions about their friends, school, people they like or dislike and stuff about me and my husband. She even asked my older teen if she has had sex with her boyfriend! Then, she kicked it up a notch. She told my youngest teen that "She should tell her all of her secrets because she knows how I can be as a mother and that I take things to extremes. She then said, "You can trust me because I won't tell your mom a single thing you say to me." Who does this? To me, that crossed the line bigtime and I am mad as hell. The gossip sessions she is having with her step-daughters friends, the interrogations, the copying, the latest stunt....I am at my wits end. I feel badly because the step-daughter is a peaceful, nice, kind, and good friend to my daughter and it's amazing to me how that can be when you have a step-mother who acts like this! If you were me, what would your next move be? My instincts are to distance myself completely from this woman and only let my daughter see her friend in my house because this lady cannot be trusted anymore and acts innapropriately around my kids and others as well. The Spanish Inquisition has to end and this lady needs to be cut off at the knees. Has anyone EVER experienced anything like this? I am beyond upset! How can someone call herself my friend and then do all this? Thank GOD my teens and I are close and they told me everything that is going on. I am livid!

It sounds to me like there may be a mental health issue. I would have the difficult conversation--couple to couple. I would keep the whole thing confidential on my end--don't talk to mutual friends or school personnel about it. Third hand psychobabble 'diagnosis', but it sounds like an anxiety disorder to me. Anxiety disorders resolve pretty quickly with therapy. It would be good for your daughter's friend if she had a sane stepmother. And, I think the result of the conversation, whether the lady got therapy or not, would be that she would cut contact with you.

Don't they say mimicry is the greatest form of flattery? Based on that it looks like she thinks you are GREAT and (unfortunately) is trying to be better (or she's super competitive). If it were me I'd casually mention to her my kids told me about her offer of parental advice and it makes them uncomfortable so please be more careful about what she asks your kids, and I'd tell my kids to tell her directly that it's something they'd rather discuss with their own mom. Good luck (and no limb decapitation, you're the mom so set a good example ;))

I agree with the entire "third hand psychobabble diagnosis" post. JMHO and there are plenty of crazies out there.. C.