Not even a step parent. - FamilyEducation
Not even a step parent.
11/05/2010 at 16:44 PM

I'm going out with this guy. He has 2 wonderful children who only visit on the weekends. I was just wondering what I should do about some of their behavior thats a little confusing to me and maybe a little stressful (trying to know how to deal with it all.) I was talking to my mom and she said the kids are probably getting jealous. They will pull my hair. If I tell the one who does it to stop, they don't. (he's 7 right now) He'll pull my hair, push on my stomach, and mess my hair up. I was just wondering if this was appropriate behavior especially toward someone who's not even related to them, also wondering how I should handle the situation. Should I talk to my boyfriend about what's going on? The behavior seems to be reinforced by his family, because the children will also to do it to his sister (pull her hair, push her stomach in, etc.) it's uncomfortable behavior and it's not very fun for me, that's for sure, lol. Also, another thing one of them (the 5 yr old) does is whenever I'm sitting next to their father on the couch, they always sit in between us to break us up (both of them, and then there's eventually no room on the couch to sit.) should I just deal with it and let them have their way or is there something I can do about this?? I'm not even sure if I should be worrying about it.

Yes, you should talk to your boyfriend. Whether or not you are living with him, stay out of the picture on the weekends. It is supposed to be their time with their dad. Read through all the step-parent message boards on this site. Quite educational.

Great advice!!! The children's behavior seems to be acceptable in their family. It is very unlikely that you will change the dynamic at this point in your relationship.

When they touch you after you have asked them not to, there is a problem. Dad needs to step in and correct his kids each and every time this occurs.

They're jealous of you. This is THEIR dad, and they see you as someone trying to TAKE HIM from them. I am having a similar situation. Except the children in my scenario are OLDER. How long have you two been together? How long have you been around the kids? You definitely have to sit down with your boyfriend when the kids aren't there and have a talk. Tell him what the kids are doing, because he may be completely oblivious, and how you feel about the situation. Also, ask what his discipline style is. This may or may not help for future references. If the kids are not getting any attention from their mother, you may have to give each of the kids some extra attention as well. Read them a book, or play a game with them.