No support - FamilyEducation
No support
07/17/2007 at 09:33 AM

Hi.I don't know where to turn.I'm not pregnant but need some help.For a long time I've been scared of birth,that's why I've not had a kid at nearly 35,though considering.My boyfriend has a son.I have talked to him about my fears.He once said he'd support me but on the other occasions (not loads) I've spoken he says things like 'well childbirth is painful' 'How do you think you would cope' and then I have his stories about the delivery of his son.There is my real fear and then concerning being the second woman.How could I give birth in front of him? So many horror stories and all the women at work gleefully discussing childbirth.Please help.

I think the main question is - do you want children? If you do, is it just the labor that scares you or everything about parenting? Maybe you are just not ready yet.


You might consider countering all the negative stories by reading about birth. Try Ina May’s Guide to Childbirth, Henci Goer’s Thinking Woman’s Guide to a Better Birth, and Janet Balaskas’ Active Birth. There are stories and information there that will help you understand how birth works and maybe why some of the “horror stories” you hear happened. Knowledge is power, and can help you avoid the unpleasant circumstances that other women are happily describing to you. Also take a look at some sites that focus on the positive side of birth  Birth is not the most awful thing ever for all women, especially when birth is sensitively managed, even though the bad stories seem to get told the most. Watch some birth slide shows of peaceful births. , Read about some of the misinformation that goes around and talk to women who have had good births. Once you are less afraid of the birth process, it may be clearer to you whether you wish to have children of your own. Fear can make decision making very difficult! Kudos to you for thinking about this now and working on it before you choose your path.


I think Meghan brings up a good point, is a child something you really want?


I didn't, good lord- children were the LAST thing I wanted LOL It isn't something for everyone, and it's as natural to want children as it is to not want them.


I've often wondered what kind of happy drug the pregnant women I knew were obviously taking LOL I worked full time when I was pregnant and did essentially everything that everyone tells you is unsafe for you and the baby- truth is- as a general rule- if your body is used to it, then there's no reason it can't be done while pregnant. Delivery can be as awful or as incredible as you want it to be LOL I honestly didn't know I was in labor until I was just sort of uncomfortable at 7-8 cm, I was just uncomfortable all day. Labor isn't the worst thing a woman can go through- gall stones are LOL not really, but are so much worse than labor and delivery combined. So, relax, what is important is that you're happy, and you want to have a hapy healthy child, and your sure that this man is the one you are comfortable being connected to for the rest of your childs life.


What concerns me is, the last bit, of how could you give birt infront of him- Honey, in the heat of delivery- you wouldn't care if Brad Pitt had just walked into the room LOL There seems to be more to the story and less having to really do about giving birth.


 Enjoy yourself, and your relationship. I'm a single mom, so its all very possible. Best idea is to find out what it is you really want and go for it. You only live once and you shouldn't worry about how you'll look giving birth :) Life is too short! Best of luck :)


I agree, I don't think this has anything to do with your boyfriend. I think you're maybe feeling pressured to have a baby like "its now or never" but thats honestly no reason to have a baby if you're really not ready or unsure of wanting one. If its just the fear of labor, people only tell the horror stories don't be scared. And the last part about him watching? If you're too self conscious for the father of your child to be in the room you might want to reconsider if he needs to be the father at all. Sounds like there's some trust missing there.