toddler's anger at mom when she returns home from work - FamilyEducation
toddler's anger at mom when she returns home from work
03/17/2008 at 08:04 AM

Hi Marti,

This is my first time using any blog so I hope I get it right.  I babysit my 2 year old grand daughter 2 days a week.  She has me all to herself. Lately when her mom comes home from work  Marlena is happy to see her mom but that suddenly turns into anger at her mom.  It seems as if her behavior is worse when I am in the room.  I know this hurts my daughter-in-law's feelings.  Then when I get ready to leave Marlena doesn't want to give me a kiss or hug good bye.  My daughter-in-law thinks tha Marlena is being ungrateful.  I don't take it personally when she doesn't want to say good bye since I have had the whole day to enjoy our time together and I know she loves me. I am looking for a better way to make the transition from grammy to mommy less hurtful for my daughter-in-law and more stable for my gand daughter.  Thanks. 

I just got a new  3-year old day-care client.  The first day she came in the house fighting the whole way.  during the day, I took the opportunity to tell her it is okay to feel sad that her Mommy is not with her, but that I expect her to be calm when she comes in the house, because we all feel better, me, her mommy, and most importantly herself.  Although your little one is just two, maybe you could tell her that her mommy and you expect her to be nice and say bye when it is time to go.  I would make the transition really short, visit on the phone if there are things you want to converse about, or go by their house later in the evening. 

at my house & her mom is my daughter. When my dear GD began to show similar feelings, I made sure that her day would be just as normal and no more wonderful than at home with mom. I encourage her to play by herself for short periods while I do housework, etc just as her mom would have to do. I make home time easier by putting on her coat & shoes myself, while chatting with DD about our day. GD is so busy hearing about herself (I think she learns how much we both care about her), she doesn’t dwell on the prep for going home. You might make things easier by chatting to DIL about some good things your GD has done that day. Then prompt her to ask mom what she’ll be having for supper, what toys she’ll be playing with when she gets home, etc. That way she’s looking forward to leaving instead of being resentful to mom. As for saying goodbye, I always ask for a wave or a hug and usually get one. But if I don’t, no one worries. Toddlers are very self-centered and are just learning manners (good grief, did our teenagers always remember theirs?). Reassure your DIL that these things are normal, & if DIL herself gives you a fond hug goodbye and no one makes a deal about it, eventually GD will follow suit. Hope this helps!

See post above. Sorry, my first time using the board,too but just had to reply as the situation sounded so similar to mine. Above reply should have begun "I also care for my granddaughter, but she's 18 months old, it's at my house & her mom is my daughter."