separating twins - FamilyEducation
separating twins
08/26/2009 at 13:52 PM

I have 16 month old twins (boy/girl) and am a stay at home mom. My inlaws and I disagree on the matter of whether or not my twins should be separated from each other. My mother in law feels I am harming their mental and social well being by not allowing her to take care of one while I take care of the other. The kids are exposed to other children via play dates by me. My mother in law has admitted she cannot handle both children at the same time by herself and that was when she decided that they need to start being separated from each other. I do believe in individual time with each child (my husband and I each spend time with each child alone for a good while each weekend for bonding purposes and to give them individualized attention). We agree we are doing a good job as parents of twins and they are doing quite well. My parents also feel we are doing well. Any advice out there?

Maybe once in a while you could alternate and have your mother-in-law take one for a day to play or have a "Grandma Day". That way both Gram and kids would feel special... but, as for separating them, don't feel like you have to. They will grow in to their own self, they will be their own person. You do not need to force it on them this young. It sounds like you have a lonely grammy to me, that's all. The twins can be separated in school... they'll have their own friends and start to define who they are :) You are doing just fine!

I don't remember visiting my grandma without my folks or older siblings along until I was 6 or 7 years old. Maybe you could go over and spend a good amount of time with your MIL and with both the twins, so she wouldn't be "taking care of both of them." You could ask her if you could work on some project at her house so that you were there, but she would be more engaged with the children than with you.

I have 2 boys 15 mos apart. In the beginning I took them both w/ my everywhere we went (b/c I didn't have anyone to watch them). Now I like them to have their individual time w/ their friends. I find that they socialize better w/ other kids when they're apart, but when they're together, they tend to stick together and not play w/ the other kids so much. When it comes to family time, we always have them together. Most times my husband and I are there. If it makes it easier for your in-laws to have an extra set of hands, make it your business to be there w/ them and the twins. I don't think, though, that it's their place to decide that the kids need time spent apart. They're your kids, therefore, it's your decision. Be polite, but be firm. I'm sure your in-laws mean well, but in the end, your the parents, not them.

thank you for your input on my dilemma. i appreciate any and all advice from fellow parents.