my toddler hates other toddlers - FamilyEducation
my toddler hates other toddlers
05/15/2009 at 06:29 AM

My 20 months old daughter has started to get verrry annoyed every time she sees another small child. She waves her hand in anger and shouts angrily. A few months ago she LOVED them! I don't understand what's happening with her... Maybe sh's just jealous that her mommy will love other kids as well?
Also, every time she looks into the mirror, she does the same thing. And when i say, "hey, that's you, why are you getting angry on yourself?" She just shouts again (doesn't speak very well yet), and when i say "you're good, don't get angry at your self," she shakes her head. I ask her "why, are you a bad girl?" she says "Yes!!"

I totally don't understand what's happening with her... maybe she's just passing through stages??
Please advise anything... i need it so badly

A 20 month old probably does not fully understand the concept of good and bad when applied to herself. She also does not comprehend hate at this young age. She is possibly just trying out emotions, ie: anger/displeasure and testing you for your reaction. Don't make a big deal out of this. Being not very verbal as yet it is unlikely you will find out exactally what is going on with her right now. Continue to expose her to new people and situations. Remove the word "bad" from your vocabulary, substituting with more benign words of your choice. She is likely going through a stage and needs your help in sorting out the new emotions she is feeling. Tell her often she is a GOOD girl and that other children are her friends. Do not excessively make over other children. Reassure her that you love your girl and that she has lots of friends with whom to play and have fun. Hope this helps.

I think 2xstepmom has said it well. This is probably a stage, so I wldn't worry too much. I wld still encourage your daughter to socialize w/ other children her age. This is how she will learn. Teach her appropriate social interaction by exposing her to other children and guiding her. If she behaves well, praise her. If she misbehaves, tells her this is not ok behavior, and show her how to better act. You can do this by having playdates, joining a playgroup, going to the park, or going to mommy and me classes together. Try to make the experience as fun as possible. Good luck!

Thanks both of you so much... a week ago i told her that it is not ok to shout and get angry at sight of other children, i told her that she should smile, air-kiss and pat them. and she has changed a lot!!! but the mirror-thing hasn't changed... so i am telling her "if you don't like looking into the mirror, then don't look into it" and she doesn't look into the mirror after i say it, lol i also hope this is just a stage she's passing.

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