Differences in parenting - FamilyEducation
Differences in parenting
02/21/2008 at 15:02 PM

Hi there-
My daughter will be 3 in April.  She is a wonderful and sweet little girl who is going through a phase...hopefully a phase....of hitting and pushing.  I have been working really hard on this.  I have been paying a lot of attention to what triggers her with the hopes I can intervene.  She has a very strong vocabulary for her age.  I notice she gets frustrated when kids cannot speak back to her or do not communicate well. She also gets frustrated when other kids don't share and take toys away.  She actually does a pretty good job sharing, so I think she doesn't understand why some of her friends don't share.  These are the two major scenarios where the hitting and pushing comes into play.  I guess two questions....any advice on how to nip this in the bud?
Also, we hang out frequently with one of my girlfriends and her 2 1/2 year old daughter.  The little girl does not like to share at all and is constantly taking things away from my daughter.  I am constantly intervening and telling my daughter to use her words and not her hands.  She really does try.  But, my friend doesn't say much to her daughter at all about taking things away from my daughter.  Then it just makes my daughter look terrible because she is hitting and pushing.  Any thoughts????

How wonderful a parenting job you have done, for your 3 year old daughter is very bright and developing well.  You mentioned frustration while playing with a 2 and a half year old friend.  Sharing is very difficult for many babies and toddlers, it is a learned behavior.  Your daughter's developmental stage may not be a good fit for her 2 year old friend.  2 year olds are just coming to understand their autonomy.  They are still a ways away from being able to understand 'sharing' and taking turns.  Your daughter shows her frustration through physical means becuase it is what comes most natural right now, mastery of words, communication, is a close second.  She may be ready to play with older children, ready to  learn social skills from four and five yeard olds.  Perhaps you might try reacting very quickly the next time she is getting 'physical' and frustrated.  Remove her from the situation, where you take her aside, then calmly remind her not to push and hit, that hurting is not OK but talking is OK.  This action might be just the little 'cool off' period she needs.  Let her know that you beleive in her, that she is friendly and has much to offer her playmates.  Let us know how it goes!  Cathi McGrevey, Certified Parent Coach and Mother.  


Thanks so much for the thoughts and the advice!  It definitely helped!!!!