I think I (we) made a huge mistake!!! - FamilyEducation
I think I (we) made a huge mistake!!!
09/15/2010 at 00:32 AM

Well my daughter, Crystal, has always been quite the strange little girl. She's quite small, but fiery, very strong personality. Crystal loves martial arts, that's her passion and she wants to live it to the fullest.
Not too long ago, my husband (in a fit of anger) convinced me that kicking Crystal out of the house was best, because she is now pregnant, and wants to keep the baby. The father is Japanese, and my husband doesn't like him at all (a little racist, not gonna lie). I was upset when I found out about my daughter's pregnancy, but now I realize that I'm going to have a grandchild, and if I don't make things right, I'll never get to see him/her. How do I go about trying to patch things up with Crystal? I need some major advice right now. Her younger brother also misses his sister, and they always got along well. I think we did more harm than good, and I need help in reversing the damage, if it's at all possible.

I feel like this is a very personal topic, but you are obviously having a dificult time, especially to turn to such a public place for advice. If your daughter is pregnant, and willing to take on the responsibility of having, and raising a child, she is going to need her family, and especially her mother. My oldest is 15, and I still find myself turning to my mother for support. There's a very special bond between mother and daughter that few fathers can fully understand. Honestly, with a teenage daughter of my own, I would have to stand up to my husband, and even choose her over him, if he put me in that position. My feeling is that I gave birth to these children, and they need to come first. My husband would have the same reaction as yours. I'm not saying to just run out and leave your husband, because you don't currently agree. It's your home too. If you and your husband had a strong marriage prior to this, then chances are you can disagree with one another, and still survive as a couple. These children are your flesh and blood, no matter who fathered the baby. And this baby will not arrive looking solely like the father. You're going to see similarities of your own family and daughter within this child, and I'm sure you'd rather realize that now, than 5 years down the road, in a store when your grandchild asks who you are, and your daughter reluctantly responds, "Someone I used to know". This is a very dificult decision, but in this case, you need to follow your HEART, not your gut, mind, or husband, but YOUR heart! Good luck. Stacey

I agree with mommy 24! I got pregnant when I was 17 and my parents were on different playing fields regarding how to react. Fortunately, they were able to band together and give me the support I needed, and 8 years later everything is perfect and my daughter and I both have great relationships with my parents. The way you respond to this crisis going on in your daughter's life will affect her and her child for the rest of their lives. Your presence in their lives is very important, and kicking her out will not solve or teach her anything. As difficult as it is, I would have to put my foot down with my husband and side with my daughter. Perhaps talking with your husband about some ground rules for your daughter moving back in will help in reaching a compromise. Also, maybe giving your husband some time to cool down will help...until then, do whatever you have to do to give your daughter the support she needs, wherever she is. Good luck, and congratulations on your new grandbaby! :)