I need to help my mother. - FamilyEducation
I need to help my mother.
08/16/2010 at 13:13 PM

Hello, I have a problem with my mother. I think I may have broken her heart pretty badly. She loves me very much and trusts me with everything, but I have crossed that trust and filled her heart with despair. The cause for this was the use of a drug for experimental purposes that had a bad reaction in my body and led me to performing violent outbursts in a friend's home. It was my first time trying drugs, and they unfortunately went horribly and hurt my friends and family more than myself. My younger sister was forced into the situation when me and my friend's families met to speak about the incident, and now she is afraid of me because they showed a video of some of the crazy things I was doing before I was subdued. I am not one to be emotional, but I can't take seeing my mother like this. I haven't even asked her for forgiveness yet! Could I please have some advice on how to start fixing my mom's heart?

Clarification, please. You took a drug to see what being high was like--that's the experimental thing, you weren't part of a scientific process, you were just curious, right? How do you know that your mom does not trust you? Do you feel that she should trust you? If you were my son, here's what I would think and feel. I would think that you had exhibited poor judgment. I would no longer trust your judgment as I had in the past. I would think that you had shown a lack of restraint. I would no longer be comfortable letting you care for younger siblings. I would also be hesitant to offer criticism, because I would be fearful that you would respond with violence. Even if you offered a sincere apology and a plan to never abuse substances (or people for that matter) again I would watch your behavior for at least a year before I began to trust your judgment or your restraint. So, offer a sincere apology, along with a plan to avoid abusing drugs. This may include cutting off certain friendships. You may need support or rehabilitation. Then, spend a year on good behavior. After that, stay on good behavior. If you repeat, and abuse any substance, then that is a pattern. If you have a pattern of poor judgment and/or violent behavior, then she should not trust you. It would be foolish. One incident is just an incident. If you remain clean and sober from now on, the trust will have an opportunity to grow. I hope that you can choose a relationship with your family over a relationship with drugs.