I have no social life. Need advice - FamilyEducation
I have no social life. Need advice
08/23/2010 at 02:50 AM

I am 26, married and have a 3 years old pretty girl. I also work full time, and work also on saturdays. My husband and i rarely have time to go anywhere, even we do have a little time, he usually doesn't want to go out, just stays at home and watches movies, or just talks with his parents (we live with them). I NEED some kind of social life, as my daily routine is like this: I get up in the morning, get ready for work, get my daughter ready for daycare, go to work, work all day long (sometimes a bit overtime), return home, play for a couple of hours with my daughter, spend some half hour with my husband (we just talk about our day and jobs), then go to bed. Only on sundays is a bit different - sometimes i go to my parents' house on sundays with my girl, or stay at home all day, watching cartoons with my girl or drawing (and getting awfully tired of being at home the whole day).
So, my colleagues decide to go here and there, including Karaoke after work, or on sundays (i dream of going to karaoke, as last time i went there was 4 years ago, before i got married). SO yesterday i asked my husband that next sunday we're planning to go and have some team event with my colleagues (go to horseback riding, or karaoke), and that it's my BIGGEST DREAM to horseback ride. he could also come. He said no. He said you don't have time to spend with your family, and i don't wanna come to horseback riding, because he doesn't find it interesting. And i also couldn't go, because i have to be with him and my girl. I asked "so i must forget about my social life now that i have a child?!" And he said YES!
The problem now is that he's not fun to be with. He's 9 years older than me and he has no interests at all, he's always tired (he works a lot, but i work a lot, too, by the way). I need social life, people! i can't spend my young years not going anywhere, only because i have a child and a husband, who doesn't want to go anywhere. So yesterday he said he will go places with me, only two of us, with the child,. SO we went to the Zoo, and next sunday we're planning to go to the child theatre. But tht's not the most interesting pastime for me, i'm a grown up, and don't wanna go to baby places all the time. I ALSO wanna go to fun places. OMG, i don't know what to do! I am at a loss. i was even thinking, that if there was no child, probably i would get divorced! Please advise me what to do. I have to choose, either to work, and not go anywhere with my team, or stop working or start part-time, so that to have more time, and try to spend that time. Or just get divorced with that uninteresting man. Oh, and one more thing, love has disappeared... for both of us...

Sounds like you're stressed out and you've reached the point where the "new" has worn off. Divorce probably isn't the answer, I'd suggest a talk with the hubby telling him How you feel and Why you feel that way (try to phrase it so he will understand that you are Not blaming him). Its important to let him know what you are going through (he's not a mind reader). Aside from talking it out (in a non-confrontational way) it IS important to have some me time. But I hope you've also realized that the pre-marriage&mommy type social life is gone and you do have to settle for a little less when it comes to going out and having fun. Find some activities you can enjoy with your family(we-time), and find an appropriate activity for you (me-time).If you want to learn to ride a horse take monthly lessons (;) I'm a western horsemanship instructor). I strongly suggest lessons, as dealing with horses is both fulfilling and challenging AND horse-people are awesome! Or you could take a yoga class, or a pottery class, just find something that interests you (and dragging a friend along always makes it more fun). Take a moment, think it through. Being a mom is great! Husbands are not perfect & can be highly irritating, but we love them anyway! And a bit of me-time is necessary for our sanity! And for any men reading this; Being a dad is great! Your wife is not perfect & can be highly irritating, but you love her anyway! Hubbys need me-time too!

This time will go by so quickly! Enjoy your child and husband and making wonderful memories! When your child is older she will be spending time with her friends or doing activities and you will have more time than you want to do activities you would like to do. There are things that change when you have a child and the joy you have doing all the "baby things" will be some of your best memories when your little one is grown!!!!!

I strongly believe that both mom's and dad's need some time to themselves. But as a parent, I believe that you do have to give up a certain amount of freedom. And while horseback riding may sound great to you (I've got 3 horses of my own), it's not for everyone. Some men, find it very uncomfortable, if they don't know how to position themselves in the saddle. It's nice to have common interests with your spouse, but you may have to work to find a common activity. What interests one may not interest the other spouse. So it takes work to find it. http://newmothertips.info

Could you find a job that is less demanding? Working full time plus Saturday leaves little time for building a relationship with your husband and child, and no time to relax. Filling the microscopic amount of spare time you may have with pursuing a social life and extra-familial relationships doesn't make much sense to me. Also, your at-home time is not really free time because you are living in someone else's home. That would take a toll on me, as well.