Is there a real need for an Elderly Care Center? - FamilyEducation
Is there a real need for an Elderly Care Center?
03/05/2011 at 05:37 AM

Hi Everyone,

I have been travelling in so many places but everywhere I go, I can still see elderly care centers, where old people are staying there for someone to look after them.

Do you think this is necessary and why?

When the parents get old, or so old, why we are putting them in these centers, is it so hard to take care of them? If Yes, why we could not arrange for someone paid, who can come to the house and do the duties? By the way, those centers are increasing in the Gulf area. In these centers, there are mothers, or fathers who did not see their sons or daughters for more than 10 years!!!!
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I can understand the existing of care centers for orphans, but is it that hard to take care of our parents, or grandparents?
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Imagine that your father needs assistance bathing and toileting, and imagine that your husband goes to work so you must provide that assistance. Imagine that your father weighs 200 pounds, and you are not strong enough to help him to the toilet. Imagine that your mother has mental confusion. Imagine that sometimes in the morning you wake early, but find that she has already left the house, and you do not know where she is. Imagine that you are the old person. Imagine that you have one child, and two grandsons, but one of your grandsons has autism and is difficult for your daughter-in-law to manage. Imagine that you have little patience for his misbehavior.
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26488

I can immagine that one of my parents has the weight, but instead of throwing him away to the care center, I can bring someone paid to my house to help me..It is not that difficult.. At least, that parent still among his beloved ones. I can imagine that my mother has mental confusion, however, I can arrange for someone paid sleeping next to her all that time, if I am physically not able to monitor her. For the 3rd case, it is the duty of the daughter to make that balance, if she tried hard, she will reach the solution.
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What will be your feeling if you have been put in a center like this, with no one from the family to visit you? How your feeling would be?? What about years of your life that have been wasted to take care of your sons, daughters and their grandchildren? Was it wasy to get rid of you? Can you live THEN in peace.
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If it is as a social activity, we can hire someone to take that old parent to the care center, have some fun with others, then bring him/her home.
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26493

God knows what this women is thinking of? http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2008/08/12/article-0-064C96950000044D-816_468x435.jpg
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The paid employee can come to the house and give a help, when no one is there to listen! http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01545/careHome_1545918c.jpg
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The existance of the elder people is a bless on the family? Look at these nice pics: http://www.mdresort.com/images/grandparents.jpg http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01371/grandparents_1371795c.jpg http://domino.lancs.ac.uk/Info/lunews.nsf/I/D9AB47800FF351BC80256EFB004D92BC/$FILE/grandparents+&+children+on+couch+for+lu+news.jpg http://i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2009/03/23/article-1164199-040E8EB8000005DC-895_468x286.jpg
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My mother is 96 years old. Her mind is still sharp, her body is slowly failing. My youngest sister is 54, has never left home, never married or had children, and has devoted much of her life to my parents. While my sister works, a caretaker stays with our mother, paid by the insurance they are fortunate to have due my late father's employment with a major company. Without that insurance, my sister would have no other choice than to put our mother into a "Elderly Care Center". Our siblings all have to work and live many hours away in other states. After my father's death, I was no longer able to help with my mother's care due to a change in circumstances. There is no easy solution to this situation.
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Personally I never want to hold my children back in life. I never want them to feel that they have to take care of me, and I never want them to spend their money on me for my care. My life has been devoted to my children; so much so that I can hardly remember who I was before they came along. If at some point in my life I can not take care of myself I would rather be somewhere that I am not a burden to my children. I have taken care of people and I never want my kids to feel that burden. I will take care of my kids until my last breath, thats my job, but I would never be so selfish as to ask them to care for me.
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Dear 2xstepmpm, As I understood that without the insurance paid to the father, your sister would never be able to pay your mother's expenses and to take care of her. And this is the case till date.. Is that what you meant? But I have another question, what kind of expenses the parents normally ask for, rather than food, medicine?
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SnglDad, Do you think it is selfish from you if you ask your children to take care of you? In that case, I would prefere staying alone and take care of myself if I was an old parent. Taking care of my parents is a desire comes from inside their hearts, it shouldnt be a request from you. If you have spent all your life taking care of them, the reward is normal re-action.
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It is well known that in western societies, most of the parents will permit their young sons/daughters to leave their home with they are 18. They will start living on their own. And they will remember to visit their parents from time to time. In Arab socieity, this is not the case. The young man/young women will stay in their family home till they are married. When they get married, they will have their own house outside. The parents will help their son/daughter financially to furniture the house. Sometimes the parents house will be big enough, the son will get married and stayed with them. But he will do his own expenses like clothes. But the daily food is shared among the families.
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The parents in the Arabic society never left alone. One of the sons will get married and stayed with them. If the new couple are working, the grandparents will take care of the grandchildren till the parents are back. And if this is not the case, and the parents were alone but good to survive, sometimes it is fine. But one of the sons/daughters will be staying next to them (neighbour). If one of the parents died, the other one SHOULD go and live with one of his children. Most of the times it is with one of the sons. The parents sometimes doesnt like the idea of their son-in-law to pay for their expenses.
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You can not ask your children to take care of you. This is a desire that comes from their heart. I know a family who has a good no. of sons/daughters. They have been fighting whose going to take care of the parents bcs of their love not bcs of their money!. Having a grandpa or a grandma in the house, is a bless to my whole place.
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When my mother was a child it was common in the US for elderly parents to stay in the home of a family member.
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My grandmother lived independently until the last few months of her life. When she became too ill to be alone, my mother went to my grandma's home to care for her. Now my mom is widowed. She lived alone for about 6 years, now my brother who never married is living with her. She eats lunch at a community center with many other old people (friends she has known in our small community). She has known these friends longer than she has known me. If she had to choose between a facility with her friends, and living in my home 400 miles away, she would choose that facility. I have a strong family culture of caring for elderly family members at home. But I think that we cannot judge another for the choices they make. We do not know their circumstances as they do.
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Randosha, Maybe I stated my stance poorly. My door will always be open to my children and their family, though I will always encourage my sons to act as men and move from our home to make a home for their own family, that’s part of being a responsible man here in the US. I have taken care of loved ones. I stood alone, next to my father as he took his last breath at age 56. I took care of my grandmother at my home until she died of a brain tumor. I took care of two dear friends who died 8 months apart. It’s not that I believe that my kids would never take care of me; it’s that I would never allow them to do so.
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Maymay, What you are saying is very true. And to be honest, I do admire your brother to do that sacrifice for your mom. And sure old parents will not choose us as children rather than their own friends. But having your brother to stay with her, this is another privilige I think. At least she is still in her house, or with any family member's house.
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SngleDad, I respect your will to do what you have done to your loved ones, but this is life. And I think it is not easy for a father/mother to ask their children to take care of them. They became very sensative to these issues I believe. They do not want to know that others feel pity for them, even if they were their own children.
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What reaaly bothers me, is the huge number of elder poeple who have been put in the care center. Some of them have not seen visitors for ages. And I think this is very hard and un fair. In some Arabic countries, the son would like his mother to live with him, but his wife refused. So to please his wife, he would put his mother in the care center. This is her reward for taking care of him for all these years till he is man that everybody respects.
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My sister would like to stay at home with my mother. She has to work to pay for household expenses, food, clothing, her car and it's insurance. Her job provides health insurance at low cost. My sister is 54, and has been at her job for many years. We are in the same situation, if either of us gave up our jobs to stay with our mother, who may live for many years (her mother and father were both nearly 100 when they passed away), it would be very difficult for us to get a job when we are close to 60 years of age. My mother gets only a small pension and Social Security, not nearly enough to support either of us and her. At this point in my life, my responsibility is to my daughter, who lives with me and goes to college. Both of my children know that when I am unable to care for or support myself, I would rather be in a home than to be a burden to either one of them. They both insist they will care for me, if so that will be wonderful, if not, then will be hopeful for many visits.
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You are right my dear. But I believe that the generation of today is not the same generation of 20 years ago. The visits to the parents are less. The visits from the parents to the grand parents are less. Families will be more blessed I think if the family homes were living aside if not with them. Sometimes the parents will be give their son/daughters all their available resources, but the children are just selfish to give a reward. I dont know if it is a matter of Time or a matter of Self Behaivour. I they can not take care of them, at least ask about them regularly.
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I have informed my grown children that if the need ever arises and I need to be cared for when I am older, that I wish to be in a retirement home like this. My children all have their own lives to lead and I have absolutely no wish to encumber them looking after me. Not all old people are so easy to get on with or so docile. Being a carer is not always easy. Not all old people are a blessing on the family. Keeping them at home to look after is not always an option either emotionally or financially. I find some of the earlier comments very sanctimonious randosha. It is fine to give an opinion but that is merely what it is. We all have our own priorities but that doesn't mean they are wrong. Yes, you have to vet these care homes very carefully to ensure your loved one is taken care of properly, but there are some good places out there where they will be very happy to spend the rest of their lives.
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Dear junieg, Thanks for of all for your input. But I think you misunderstood me. The difference between the western people and the Arab people is Emotion. Most of the Arab like to keep their parents with them till the last day of their lives. They take care of them without waiting for a reward. They can not leave them alone bcs it is a worrid feeling when they left alone, just in case something would heppen to them. Most of the time, the parent has his/her own room. The son/daughter will pay for all their expenses. To be honest, some care for the sake of money and will. Some care for the sake of love.
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Most of the Arabs specially in the Gulf area, are living a wealthy life. Big villa, 7 bed rooms, 2-3 maids, driver, good work income, etc.. Some force the parent to sell the home family for the sake of moeny. Some let the parent to sign on a paper which shows that the family home has been sold, and he/she is not aware of what has been done. And with this luxary life, still, the parent has been sent to the elder care center. Most of the time, no one will ask about him.
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Most of the Arabs specially in the Gulf area, are living a wealthy life. Big villa, 7 bed rooms, 2-3 maids, driver, good work income, etc.. Some force the parent to sell the home family for the sake of moeny. Some let the parent to sign on a paper which shows that the family home has been sold, and he/she is not aware of what has been done. And with this luxary life, still, the parent has been sent to the elder care center. Most of the time, no one will ask about him. I came from Iraq. As a tradition, the parent stay with his son as a king of the house. He is most welcomed to be taken care of. The parent will never feel the pitty or that he is in the lower level. He will have fun with his grandchildren and the hospitality service of his son's family.
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I came from Iraq. As a tradition, the parent stay with his son as a king of the house. He is most welcomed to be taken care of. The parent will never feel the pitty or that he is in the lower level. He will have fun with his grandchildren and the hospitality service of his son's family.
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If you take this point of view, seems correct as well. Parents do not want to burden their children of taking care of them when they grow old that is why they themselves volunteer to go to nursing homes. I believe that children should be the ones taking care of them in their own homes. If needed, they can just ask a relative or hire someone to help them. - concord home care
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if i am physically able to care for my parents when hat time comes then i will. a nursing home will be a very very last resort. i have two other siblings that agree they would stand up as well. an elderly daycare would be ok if its to get a little freedom a few or more hours a week. but not full time.
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Each to their own I guess
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