Sexual curiosity or something else? - FamilyEducation
Sexual curiosity or something else?
04/14/2013 at 13:32 PM

Yesterday, My son(5, 6 in June) and I went to my mothers house so he could play with my niece (his cousin) who is the same age, (6 in May). The kids were downstairs playing and once my mother and I realized they had been really quite for too long, I went downstairs to check on them. They were in the spare bedroom, door locked. Before my niece opened the door, I heard my son whisper, "don't tell her what we were doing". When my niece opened the door I asked them what they were doing, and why I couldn't be told. They both played the "ugh, nothing", "I don't remember". I made them come upstairs until they remembered. My son ran upstairs fast, so I was able to stop my niece and talk to her. After convincing her that she wouldn't be in trouble, and that I wouldn't be mad, she told me what they were doing.

My son wanted to play a "game". At first, when she said no, my son told her that, "if she wanted to be his cousin, she had to do it". She said he pulled down her pants and was trying to kiss her. I asked her if he tried kissing her anywhere else, and she said that he kissed her bottom, and the front of her bottom. I immediately apologized to her for my sons behavior. I told her that it was not okay for him to do that to her, and she should never show anyone her privates, no matter what they say.

Being a victim of sexual assault myself, I felt sick to my stomach. I immediately called my therapist who has known me for the past 9 years. I needed guidance. After talking to her for a while, I tried handling the situation by first telling my parents. I separated the children and entertained them with a movie. With my therapist on speaker, I told my parents. After getting over that obstacle, I took my son home and talked with him. I know I need to supervise him more and reinforce that privates are not for sharing.

My question is: How do I tell my brother, and sister in law? They are going to FREAK out!!! I'm afraid they won't want my son and niece to play together anymore. I'm afraid they are going to blame me and say that my parenting is the reason for my sons actions. He's tried pulling other family members pants down or showing people his penis. I wonder if he's been a victim too and that's why he's curious. I'm so scared, I need advice. My son is not a bad boy, he just made a bad decision. I love him no matter what, but I am not okay with what he did. HELP, PLEASE!!!!

I teach kindergarten and it is totally normal to be curious and want to see each others parts. However it isn't typical for that age to appear to know what he's doing. I would have a real safe conversation about where he saw that. He could have been told by a boy a little older then him or saw it on tv by accident. I swear they show everything now on tv now a days. As for telling the family that's hard. I would suggest just being transparent. Start by telling them your fears of telling them. Remind them of his age and assure it won't happen again. Keeping her away from her cousin could be more damaging in the long run as long as his behavior does not persist. Good luck.

talk with him, don't scold him. teach him sex education 101. use scientific terms and be really formal about it. ask him where he learned about those things too.