10 year old Issues
03/16/2011 at 06:37 AM

My son will be 10 years old in April and is in the 4th grade. His father was never in his life up to a year ago when I met a wonderful man who loves my son and me very much. I gradually introduced him--not until a year after I was dating him. I wanted to be sure of the man first before my son interacting with him. Well, that is when my household became upside down. My son's dad (we'll call him Herbert) would pick my son up for school and take him in the morning, then pick him up in the afternoon from age infant to 8 yrs old. He would rarely do anything with him on the weekends. He would drop him off on Friday and not see him until Monday morning. He would be a phonepal to him (talk to him on the phone). I never bad mouthed Herbert in the presence of my son. I never denied my son the opportunity to go with his aounts or grandma (on herbert's side of the family).
Well, when Herbert found out I had a boyfriend, he decided to become more involved with his son. He has told his son he does not have to respect or listen to my boyfriend (who will become my husband July 2012). I have spoken to my son and told him he must respect my boyfriend (who by the way has 4 children--all grown adults now. We have had talks with my son my son continues to disrespect him and now has begun to hit and disrespect me and my father. I have tried going to the state and getting my son help and Herbet (who is a police officer) claims our son has no issues. I see it, but I feel he refuses to see it. He feels discipline is needed. Herbert had communicated-I heard him tell my son- not to respect my fiance. I am very concerned and everytime I try to bring my son to a psychiatrist, Herbert plays everything down and the psychiatrist believes him not me! I love my son and I'm in it for the long hawl. I REFUSE to be a parent that gives up.
I need advice on where to turn and go for help. Herbert provides medical coverage for our son and has told them not to approve any treatment anymore without his consent.Herbet and I were never married nor does he pay child support or there is no custody agreements of any kind in court because it has never been an issue. When I try to discipline-spank on the butt-my son, my son calls the police saying I bused him. I do not hit to mark but to discipline. I since stopped hitting him and begun punishment instead. Punishment is not working because he is till disrespecting. I feel my hands are tied and I can't help my baby get the help he needs. I live in Stratford Connecticut and I need advice desperately. I have support from my family as they are thrilled for me to find a person who has been by my side taking all that disrespectfulness from my son. This is begining to affect our relationship at this point so that is why I need advice.
By the way, I have told my son if he doesn't respect Herbert's wife, I will punish him when he gets home. I told him she calls me and tells me when he misbehaves or doesn't respect her. Obviously, Herbert is telling him the opposite.
I do not want to lose my son to the bad things in this world. I have him involved in Tae kwon doe and baseball. I though maybe these activities would help, but it seems to get worse not better.
Now, school is becoming an issue. My son has NO Friends-at home or school. He plays with two kids at home, but there is always an issue-bad mouthing, fighting, etc. I tried to arrange play dates, the playdates cancel cause my son is ti impulsive for them to play with. I feel for him and told him how he needs to conduct himself as a friend. Still, he has no friends and his grades are begining to fall.
Please offer any advice-I am at a wall looking ofr advice.
Thank You
Any advice would be welcomed!