Parents-in-law - FamilyEducation
06/20/2013 at 14:35 PM

My in-laws, in their late seventies, stay overseas. They are in extreme good health, with no health complaints - no diabetes, cholesterol or BP.

My husband's brother's wife, who is 9 years older than me, calls the shots in their family. She has agreed to have them relocate to the US & spend their time equally between her & my home. She never discussed this with me & my husband nor her husband ever oppose her. They do not drive here.

When alone, she confides in me how she would rather not have them around as they don't respect their boundaries & are oblivious to their family obligations in spite of setting ground rules. I have observed the same. They continue loud conversations in the area around where I'm getting the kids homework or other commitments completed. They expect to be taken to every social event or the kids activities. They have a variety of things to eat each day, which they don't back home, and has to be made available everyday. They MAY be able to make do without them for maybe a day.

I have asked my husband to have them stay in a separate apartment, which we can pay for & they can also pitch in after selling their house back overseas. Or another option is to have them stay in a Sr. Citizens home, overseas, which are like resorts (I mean it). They refuse these options & insist on staying with us.

My older one has been diagnosed with mild autism. I work fulltime at a demanding job and my husband works long hours, but that's all he does.I take the kids to school, pick them up, homework, bath, dinner & after school activities. He comes back home when the kids are ready to go to bed.

I have a fulltime help at home. To avoid additional work for her (besides increasing her pay), my MIL has been asked to cook just 1 thing everyday. Occasionally she does not make it & announces at dinner time - you guys manage on your own today. She gets offended by the silliest of things, like if my son tells her that he is playing a video game (which he does only on weekends) and they cannot be talking around him.

This seems a trivial matter on the outside, but to me when I am juggling the house, my kids demands & work it seems like a big deal at the end of the day.

Am I really blowing this out of proportion?

Please help.